OK guys I really hope you can help me out with this. This will be a long one and I'm basically gonna completely spill my guts. I think I may be gay, but I can't figure out for SURE. These kinds of feelings and desires have pestered me since atleast 12 years old. I am 23 years old now and the desires only get stronger and stronger. At first it was just curiosity as a child, mutual masturbation with a neighbor boy. Then it was tranny porn, then gay porn. I've dated and had sex with 4 girls and felt almost in love, and it was alright. I find women to very visually attractive, but frankly its hard for me to get it up when I'm with a woman, no matter how hot the girl is. At first it just seemed to be a sexual thing but more and more and can actually picture myself with a guy long term. When I turned 18 and moved out on my own I experimented a bit. I was going to hook up with this one guy I met online. It was a fucking disaster. I became extremely uncomfortable and bolted. The second time I met a effeminate gay man and we went on a date. Frankly it was amazing. The sex was amazing and I never felt more attracted to another person. Unfortunatly it never went anywhere but 5 years later I still think about him almost daily. He was a transvestite, so sometimes I don't feel it counted since he was very effeminate. After that I shunned any homosexual feelings I had. I went into a long term relationship with a girl. The sex was good but I still fapped to tranny and gay porn. I think I loved her but it ended up not working out. Since then these homosexual feelings keep popping up. When I have alot of time on my hands its all I can think about, so I try to keep busy to keep my mind off it. Right now I'm on a cross country road trip with my father so my mind is running a million miles a minute. I almost felt convinced that I really am gay and almost came out to my father (definitly the last person I think I would ever consider coming out to). Every time I think I'm close to knowing and accepting that I'm gay I have a freak out and try to ignore it. I always feel like if I come out then suddently I snap out of some phase and all these gay thoughts will cease and only my straight ones will remain. But that would be after putting my family through the crisis of me coming out. Me coming out will be a HUGE deal for my family, so I really don't want to come out unless I am absolutly, positivly, 100% sure I am gay. So I don't know what to do. I could really use some advice right now, maybe some stories of how you guys came to terms, figured it out, etc. I always read stories from gay people saying that they always knew they were different, and that's me. I've always felt different, and I have had behaviors and mannerism that were different from most boys, like I read freaking Baby Sitters Club and had tea parties when I was kid. I read that childhood gender nonconformity like that was the most common precursur to adult homosexuality. So any thoughts please share.