SRS Need to help my "mom"

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by bitetobreakskinn, Mar 29, 2005.

  1. bitetobreakskinn

    bitetobreakskinn Blinky the Christmas Ghost

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2004
    Messages:
    14,266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    =PA=
    Ok, first of all, the lady is someone who treats me better then my parents do, so I call her mom. She has a 17 year old daughter (who has interest in me), and the mom and I talk all the time about things in general. The reason I seem "mean" I guess in the beginning, is because she tells me stuff about her daughter, that her daughter would probably never tell me.

    Today she IM'ed me with...

    Mom: please don't tell Jamie but I am really worried about her right now
    formated2fiturTV: pat
    formated2fiturTV: seriously
    formated2fiturTV: i don't like knowing all this stuff about her
    Mom: ok forget it
    formated2fiturTV: now you're gonna get mad
    Mom: no I am not getting mad
    I just need help and I don't know what to do any more
    formated2fiturTV: then what is it...
    Mom: no it ok
    formated2fiturTV: why
    formated2fiturTV: just tell me before i change my mind
    Mom: now I am crying
    I am soooooo worried about her
    Mom: did you read her xanga she has on her im
    formated2fiturTV: i know better then to read those things
    Mom: well I need to we had problems with her about a year ago and we got her help but now she is doing it again
    formated2fiturTV: so get her help again?
    Mom: she is cutting her self
    Mom: well is still going but only one time a month
    Mom: and I don't think she is telling her everything


    ------

    I have no idea what to tell this woman. I worry about her, just as much as I would a parent, and she's obviously having issues with this.

    Anyone know what I should say, where I can get either of them help, etc? :sadwavey:
     
  2. bitetobreakskinn

    bitetobreakskinn Blinky the Christmas Ghost

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2004
    Messages:
    14,266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    =PA=
    About the Xanga --

    Mom: I know but that is the only way I can see how she is doing
    Mom: we have been getting along so good she talks to me now but she just won't let me help her
    Mom: I am a bad mom I can't even help my own daughter who wants to kill her self
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    http://www.psyke.org/ is a website , so you can inform yourself about self-injury.

    This woman has called out for your help. It would be a very 'knightly' thing to do to help her out and her mom. As you came here, i assume and hope you are willing to help her.

    Self injury is a way to exhaust build up stress within the body caused by many things that life 'hits' them with which is swallowed at first but must be expressed later. The way to do this is to cut themselves.

    What i always tell self injurers is this. Imagine yourself being locked up in a room, what would help more getting out, cutting yourself, or a key to get out? The thing is that they have to change their approuch when it comes towards problems, they have to use the right 'key' or solution to their problems which are like puzzles and have to be solved in a certain way. Cutting provides no solution and is only a symptom suppressor, not a problem solver. A problem will remain to be a problem for the rest of your life until you solve it.

    You have to go to her , and insist that she stops and gets treatment, tell her the thing i told you above. Ask her to find the right approuch towards her problems,and that you will be for her to help her in this fight against her self injury. There are many many self injury support groups on the internet, ask her to join one of them. And to talk about her problems that she has on one of these specialized forums. And keep monitoring her and her actions. They are often seen with relapses of depression, and lack of coping resources to deal with them. To be loving and supportive to her, will help her to go thru these problems. At least be there for her.
     
  4. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2002
    Messages:
    1,941
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iron City
    She is concerned about her daughter and she thinks that you are the only one who can help.
     
  5. bitetobreakskinn

    bitetobreakskinn Blinky the Christmas Ghost

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2004
    Messages:
    14,266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    =PA=
    Darketernal -- Thanks, I'll bring that up to her, as well as look at it for myself

    Dave -- How can I HELP though, I'd be too afraid to say the wrong thing to either of them and hurt one of them more
     
  6. I advise suggesting that she do research on self-injury and I'd recommend to her that she enter her daughter into long term therapy; there are clinics that specialize in self-injury, and most therapists are trained in that area as well.

    I also would recommend that the mother enter therapy herself - it's clearly affecting her in a serious way -- decreasing her quality of life --, and the problem is ongoing. It's not improving with the current support system that she or her daughter has. The fact that she [the mother] turned to a teenager is another indicator of desperation, and she needs to enter counseling to gain support from a trained specialist, not an untrained laymen.

    To you I would recommend that after giving her this information you tell her that she's not to speak to you about these types of issues again given you're a teenager who is not trained, or educated on these matters. I would let her knowit puts you in a position which is extremely uncomfortable, and that if she has questions in the future she's to turn to her therapist or her family doctor. If she's not willing to do that, then it's not your problem.
     
  7. bitetobreakskinn

    bitetobreakskinn Blinky the Christmas Ghost

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2004
    Messages:
    14,266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    =PA=
    Thanks
     
  8. You're welcome.
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Any act of love that you display is great.
     
  10. AO

    AO New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2005
    Messages:
    4,750
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    wyd
    It would seem that Fate is having you to get involved. A person's life may be in the balance. (Actually two other people). If you do nothing it may scarr you for the rest of your life.

    I was not there for a friend when he cried out for help. And I've regretted my lapse of judgement since then.

    My ex-fiancee committed suicide and it took me 5 years before I would even look at another woman.

    I was able to help someone else though as I made it plain that I knew what she felt. She was skeptical until I told her of my little brush with death's temptation - the insanity one's mind goes through. She saw the madness in my eyes and knew that I was telling her the truth. We had a very long and frank talk and as far as I know she got well.

    For whatever reason Life has thrust this upon you. You are being called to help another. Consider it karma and see what you can do to make something from the past balanced. Take in the big overall picture and try not to get emotionally involved. But you are being pulled to act - and even if you do not act, that in itself is an act, an act of indifference. Seek counseling, see what was done in the past, and see how Fate is calling you to intervene in another's life. Do what you can - because you may not be able to bear the burden of guilt if there was something that could have been done and you didn't do it.

    I wish you the best.




     
  11. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2002
    Messages:
    1,941
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iron City
    I can see that you are in a troublesome situation. Act as wisely and covertly as you can.
     
  12. bitetobreakskinn

    bitetobreakskinn Blinky the Christmas Ghost

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2004
    Messages:
    14,266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    =PA=
    So I talked to "mom" about it more, and she said she was all afraid of her daughter not talking to her again (I guess they had a fight before about something and the daughter wouldnt say anything to her). I told her that she can't always be the friend, and needs to be the parent sometimes too.

    They talked about it, and the daughter is still talking to her, all of that good stuff, so I guess the problem is working itself out now.

    Thanks for all the advice
     
  13. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Still keep on monitoring this stuff, depression comes out of nowhere after a certain sequence of negative events strike her life again. You will have to act again if that happens and if you desire so.
     

Share This Page