SRS need some relationship advice

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Combine, Dec 7, 2008.

  1. Combine

    Combine OT Supporter

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    so this is my situation: my gf of 1.5 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago, we are both 19 and she broke up with me because she felt that we were too serious and she could not be in a serious relationship right now and she needed to figure out who she is and what she needed to do , and she thought it would be best to stop dating.

    So I was really torn up, it was out of nowhere and It really hurt because she broke up with me over the phone and she wouldn't talk to me about it. So anyway long story short I tried to talk to her and get us to work this out, but she woulnd't have it and was set on us breaking up, I wrote her a letter and still nothing.

    Anyway we talked 2 nights ago and I asked if we had a future and she said she didn't know if we would date later. and she wanted me to move on, and she told me she was not going to date anyone for a 1-2 years.

    So right now I'm going to give her space and time, but my problem is I am madly in love with this girl and I'm not sure if we are supposed to be together. I considered the fact of us getting married at some point, and I liked the idea. But Right now I'm not sure if I am supposed to move on or not. I do really love this girl, I just don't kno what I'm supposed to do.
     
  2. CabbieNamedAxel

    CabbieNamedAxel OTCC|SF OT Supporter

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    I hate to break it to you, but it's over dude. When you hear that, its death to your relationship, she's trying not to be mean because you're "such a nice guy" but in reality she's tired of your relationship. Best bet is to move on, don't talk to her, don't try to be friends with her. Not saying you need to totally ignore her, but aside from some possible random nookie, that love is gone. Best of luck.
     
  3. teep

    teep New Member

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    I feel for you man, I really do. But you're only 19. I'm sure you're head over heels in love with this girl now, but trust me when I say you'll feel that way about someone else in the future.

    Are you in or going to go to college? Cause if you do you will never meet so many girls in your life. You have to experience more things for yourself. Get tied down now and you'll regret it for the rest of your life. You'll have three kids, a nagging wife, and all you will think about is how you wished you had done things differently.
    You'll be resentful and wish you had gotten more pussy when you were younger, traveled to foreign places, etc.

    Find out what you're interested in, what you want out of life... think about what you've always wanted to do.

    I'm only 22 and I'm going through the same shit as you. I was even living with the girl and we were kind of engaged (very drunken night and drunken proposal... long story). I was absolutely devastated, but now I'm starting to realize that I have nothing tying me down anymore. I can go do things I never could if I had a serious girlfriend.

    Cheer up. Try and move on. It's hard, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
     
  4. Ricky

    Ricky █▄ █▄█ █▄ ▀█▄

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    If you really want help you have to take peoples advice.

    When someone says end all communcations. Do exactly that.

    It fuckign sucks. It'll bug you to death wanting to know what she's doing. End it all though. Delete txt messages. Block her number. Block her facebook/myspace. Everything that reminds you of her needs to go.

    Second thing is exercising. Get out of the house and exercise. I joined a YMCA and it has helped.

    Third is something which i am still struggling with and that is getting outside of the house more and meeting new people. I have social anxiety and haven't been in school in years. Its very hard to meet new people outside of school, but you'll have to figure something out.

    You need someone to talk to. Sure the internet is a great place to explode your emotions, but will that really help make you better? Maybe.

    Find a friend. A family member. A counselor. Someone you trust, who can understand.

    After knowing a girl for 6 years or so and recently finding out she's cheating, i know how it feels. Know that it hurts but WILL get better once you are determined for it to.
     
  5. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    It sucks, it really does, but there are better women out there, you just have to be patient. It honestly sounds like she wants to play the field before she gets "serious". Truthfully, if a girl really does love you, she should not have to play the field.

    I have had some shitty break ups. As much as it hurts, I pick myself up, meet new people, and try not to let the negativity carry into a new relationship.
     
  6. Toxica

    Toxica New Member

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    She's young and still wants to have fun enjoying her youth and having fun. She's not ready to be tied down to a committed relationship. You aren't going to change her mind. Even if she did miss you and came back to you, she'll end up leaving again. You'll just have to move on. Try to cut all contact with her because seeing and talking to her will make it hard on you. You should go out and have fun too. You'll end up finding somebody else. Don't worry so much about settling down until you get a little older. For now just have fun while you're still young. :)
     
  7. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    :bowrofl:

    Sorry for laughing but if you believe her when she said that you're pretty naive. Thats a woman's way of letting you down easy :hs: I wouldn't wait around for her if it works out it will work out but don't put your life on hold.
     
  8. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    I hate to be a dick but I feel like I owe you the truth.

    She is probably already fucking someone else.
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Chris, it's over bro. Her interest level in you is low. While it came out of the blue for you, it didn't for her. She didn't wake up one morning and decide it was over, this has been building up inside of her for some time. You just failed to read the signs.

    I know it hurts but man, get over it. I don't mean to be harsh but this is from one man to another. I am not going to pamper you with sadness. You need to get your ass back on your feet. As tough as it is, you need to be stronger. Look at you. You are 19 years old, you have your WHOLE LIFE ahead of you. What are you doing trying to make this girl your whole life? You're 19 for God's sakes! Go hang out with some friends, pour effort and energy into something positive. Go to the gym, pick up a hobby, put extra effort into school... do something. Moping around won't bring her back.

    She's not coming back either. Even if she did it wouldn't be permanent. You know why she broke up with you over the phone? She knew just how wrapped up you were in her and she knew you would make a pleading drama scene. That's why she did it over the phone and that's why she doesn't want to talk to you about it. Her mind is made up and she doesn't want to deal with your pleading and begging. Who would? You're a man, but you're acting like a child seperated from his mother. You're crying and reaching out your hand to be held. As a woman, this is totally unattractive to her. She wants a man, not a boy. Right now you're being a boy.

    I am not saying this to hurt you, I want you to see what is going on so you can act appropriately. You've got too much ahead of you to be throwing a pity party. You're a young man with his whole future ahead of him. Act like it. Stand up, get a grip, realize you had good times, but realize it is passed and in the future you're going to have even better times.

    If you really struggle too much with this, it only shows that you really put too much pressure on her. It shows that you made her your whole life, and if you did that at 19 no wonder she left. That's a lot of pressure for her to shoulder. She was not only responsible for her own happiness but you made her responsible for yours. She wanted out. She has a healthy level of Self Respect because she wants to go and focus on herself. You're still focused on her, and that's not showing enough Self Respect.

    Start focusing on you, because I have a feeling you haven't been doing his enough. Good luck bro.
     
  10. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    you are supposed to move on. you cant sit there for 2 years hoping and wishing for her to come back to you. well, you could, but it would be pathetic and unhealthy
     
  11. Sal Paradise

    Sal Paradise OT Supporter

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    :bowdown:

    This is absolutely true. This man obviously knows what he is talking about.
     
  12. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Read what this man said, then read it again.
     
  13. amore11

    amore11 New Member

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    you're a mere 19. the sea abounds with plenty o' fish. keep on keepin on and you'll be just fine.
     
  14. twenty

    twenty resident nerd

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    Like stated man, stop all communications with her. Get a gym pass and go have at it. I found that for myself personally, going and hitting the gym on a regular basis has really helped.
     
  15. Combine

    Combine OT Supporter

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    thanks man, you were right about a lot of the things you said. I am not acting like I should be to her and I realize that now. It is harder to realize things when you are actually in the situation and not observing, if that makes sense.
    Anyway this is my first hard breakup (all of the other ones were stupid and I could get over it within a few days) so things are tough. and the situation is a lot more complicated than I portrayed it to be.

    Also she did facebook me the other day, which was retarded.
     
  16. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Don't bother responding back to her
     
  17. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    The relationship is over. She ended it reasonably well. There is no reason to explain why she ended the relationship aside from what she said, because if she did explain it, you would just try to reason it out and ask her more questions. For ever answer she gave, you'd have another questions until finally you either started crying, begging or getting angry.
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2008
  18. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    Cut communication and move on. You cant sit 1-2 years and hope she comes back to you. Chances are she IS going to date other people, see what else is out there. It'll just tear you up if you wait for her and see/hear about her with other people. You're 19, I'm sure you will find another girl in time, although right now it doesnt feel like it.
     
  19. mandrew

    mandrew New Member

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    You're 19. Suck it up and meet some new girls. Or stay single for a while and enjoy seeing your friends whenever you want without the restriction of being tied down to a girl.

    It hurt me pretty bad when I had the same deal going on a few years back but that's life.
     
  20. Mrs. Officer

    Mrs. Officer New Member

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    Girls are pretty weird that way...the good news is that youre only 19 and odds are you werent going to end up together anyway. Lots of fish in the sea...this will probably happen again too
     
  21. Mrs. Officer

    Mrs. Officer New Member

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    i know. my roomate and he bf broke up because he doesnt want to be with her (shes demanding he quit smoking etc. and he doesnt want to) so she still thinks that hes going to come back to her and have changed everything.
    Not only is that not going to happen, but shes going to waste a lot of time waiting for this guy. Shes just prolonging her heartbreak instead of moving on.
     
  22. hellagrant

    hellagrant New Member

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    Agreed. You are another victim of the pootang. It draws you in and you start to fall in love with it, then the pootang runs off to find new meat.

    You are 19 don't worry about it. Hos come and go. Forget her man, she isn't worth it. Delete her phone number, burn all her phots, etc.

    Best of luck to you.
     

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