Need some opinions - Ex coming back around

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by OhHai, Aug 31, 2009.

  1. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    A little background story, me and my ex broke up around 4 months ago. We dated for a 2 years and lived together for 1. She broke up with me because I basically took her for granted. I wasn't the best boyfriend and I had a bad case of thinking the grass was greener on the other side. I treated her like shit and would occasionally lie to her and this caused her to lose a lot of trust in me. Eventually she dumped me because she felt I wasn't in to it anymore and she was sick of not trusting me. I was crushed, and quickly realized what I had and how amazing it was and foolish I was. I didn't realize it, but this girl was the one. Perfect, loyal, trustworthy, never made me feel insecure or worried about what she was doing, and all in all the perfect girl for me.

    I attempted to get her back and trying to see her, but she wouldnt have it. For a good 3 months we barely talked, maybe a text her and there but that was it. Now lately, she has been texting me. Last night she wanted to come over, so I figured what the hell (even thoough I knew it would unbox all the feelings I have been bottling up). Now I havent seen her in almost 3 months, and when she finally comes over, of course I fall in love with her again all over. I asked her why she came, and if she wants to talk about maybe giving us another shot, but she said she cant trust me yet, so doesnt know if she could jump back into things. I respond by asking why she would come over then if she didnt think things could work out, and justified it by saying "she is human and misses me." I told her another I want another shot, but she said she cant just blindly trust me. I asked her what I could possibly do, but she said if it was meant to be I would know. She wanted to kiss me, but I told her I couldnt because I wanted to date and if she wasnt interested I couldnt kiss her. She kept asking if she could, but eventually I said I had to go, and walked her to her car. We hugged for a bit, then she left. Now I am racking my brain about this. I feel like I rupped the sutures out of my breaking heart, and I am back at square one. I guess I need some advice. I really want this girl back, but I know I shouldnt even consider it unless she flat out tells me she wants me back.. right? But then again I was the one who fucked up.. but I feel like anything I try to show her I can change is in vain.. Advice? :hs:
     
  2. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    Give her space, remember you're the one who fucked up.
     
  3. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Trust is won over time, she needs space and your attention, basically its your turn to put yourself out there.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Oh Jesus, not you two again....

    She is not "the one." Your relationship was one of the most fucked up I've ever read in these forums. If you get back together it'll feel great for a while, and then ultimately all the same problems will come rushing back into view.
     
  5. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Getting back with an ex is generally a bad idea. I know you want to think you're the except to the rule, but most likely you aren't. I've been down that road and it's a roller coaster. The problem with roller coasters is they let you off pretty much exactly where you got on. If this is something you feel compelled to do, which it seems to be, then I wish you the best of luck. Ultimately I think you're making a huge mistake though.
     
  6. freckleface

    freckleface expose the raw nerve and get on with our lives...

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    whatever... Do what you want cause you are going to anyway! You never know!
     
  7. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    Ha ha I like that you remember :wtc:. Yes, it was indeed fucked up, and I know everyone always claims they have a girl that is "the one," and I know it sounds childish, but aside from all the bad things that happened, she had some pretty amazing qualities I have yet to find in other people. Isn't it possible for people to change? Or am I being naive.. After all I ultimately fucked up in the end..
     
  8. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    People can change, but not in the way you are thinking. Most of the core personality traits that caused conflict in your relationship before will remain the same. You guys might be able to smooth out some of the rough edges and find ways to compromise through pure willingness, but in the end your personalities will stay the same and the deep seeded issues will return without resolve. Trust me on this.
     
  9. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    Solid advice, I believe it.. so what do I do? Ignore her? Perhaps the breakup is still fresh, even though it happened 4 months ago. But still not a day goes by I do not think about her, and have tried dating others but just feel nothing. She wants to hang out and see where things go.. do I just ignore her? We do not talk that often.. this has been a recent thing..
     
  10. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    If it were me, I'd tell her that I still really care about her, but that I think ultimately we'd just end up having the same problems we had before. And since you both obviously still have feelings for each other, it's probably best if you keep your distance until you both heal and move on.
     
  11. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    exactly.

    i think this is a case of you missing what isnt yours, or like you said before, the grass is always greener. you thought it would be better to be broken up from her, now you think it would be better to be dating her.

    spend some time single, and avoid contact with her. you will meet another girl who has all her good qualities and hopefully holds your attention better than she did when you are ready
     
  12. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    jw, how old are you two?
     
  13. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    Both 22 :hsugh:
    She is pretty mature for her age though, having been on her own pretty much since 19 and supporting herself fully.
     
  14. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Uh oh. There's a story behind that, I bet.
     
  15. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    ok then ignore her

    Move out of da burbs too ... go to the avenues, 9th & 9th, sugarhouse, gateway. Whatever your cup of tea is. Get out and enjoy. You'll never have your early 20s back again
     
  16. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    Well there is. She comes from a fucked up family and her mom is insane, as in she has the maturity of a 17 year old girl and likes drama. I know this from first hand experience. She doesnt support my ex in anyway. And it isn't for any reason whatsoever, she is just batshit insane.
     
  17. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    Sugarhouse is where I live now. I love it. :h5:
     
  18. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    take your dog for a walk already! :rofl: come onnnnnn you're killing me
     
  19. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    Yeah, that is what she said when I told her I wanted to give things another go. She just claims I want what I dont have..
     

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