SRS need some input/advice about a girl situation

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by KSNIPPY, Dec 19, 2007.

  1. KSNIPPY

    KSNIPPY As lost as i get i will find you

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2004
    Messages:
    1,026
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    souf
    hey everyone, i have something that i really need some advice on and i know you guys are the best at giving it. ill try to make it quick. ok so i met a girl last friday night, she seemed cool and all so we exchanged numbers. so i went and hung out with her on sunday night and it went really well. fast forward to last night, i go and hang out. after i decided to stay over we just went to bed and cuddled and talked for a little then decided to call it a night and go to sleep. well just then a guy calls her, she says shes sry but shes gotta take it cause its someone she hasnt talked to in a while. after a fairly lengthy conversation on the phone, she explains to me who it was. turns out it was her last boyfriend. she said that was the first time shes talked to him in 6 months. she said that they were really serious, she loved him a ton and it was to the point where she was gonna move in with him. thing is one day he just jumped on a bus somewhere without telling anyone at all and left. the guy lives about 10 hours away on top of it all so i dont think they saw each other that often. she literally had no idea what happened to him, and even thought he was possibly dead. so shes just been moving on with her life. she said her feelings for him have just been kinda frozen since there was no closure at all on their relationship. so now it sucks for me, cause now that hes suddenly back in her life im pretty sure theyre gonna get back together cause i know shes gotta still have feelings for him. sucks cause i actually had a good feeling about me and this girl, even though i know its a very young relationship.

    i know i dont really have a definate question but any kind of input or advice is greatly appreciated :sadwavey:
     
  2. KSNIPPY

    KSNIPPY As lost as i get i will find you

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2004
    Messages:
    1,026
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    souf
    i just feel like i dont have much ground to stand on when discussing the situation with her since our relationship is in such an early stage.
     
  3. themorrison

    themorrison New Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2007
    Messages:
    24,666
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ┌∩┐ATL
    sounds like you were too much of nice guy and got shitted on. Nice guys finish last. Try being a little more of a dick and go after her more aggressivley next time.


    Unless you like cuddling over fucking.
     
  4. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2007
    Messages:
    5,712
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Providence, RI

    Dude, will you just give it up? Stop being a douche.


    -----



    You need to let her know your stance and your feelings on all of this. Questioning your ability to talk to her because your relationship is young is ridiculous. If you think this is something you want, and someone you'd like to elaborate with, then you need to clarify your future destination with her.

    Express to her how you're feeling and the idea of her and her ex talking kind've worried you. Lay it out on the table for her to see and cope with. Don't be over emotional, though. Be strong, firm, and collective. If you appear lost with your words and emotions, you'll get the "I don't know" and "Im so confused" responses.
     
  5. hbrown023

    hbrown023 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2006
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ATL
    She probably will get back together with him unfortunately. The one thing you can be thankful for is that it's new and at least this didn't happen three months from now when you were more attached. You should back off let her get her "closure" because the douche bag will probably dumb her again and maybe sometime in the future she'll get over it and your paths will cross again. Good luck buddy.
    Edit: you can't expect a woman who is emotionally attached to someone from the past who left her flat on her face to go to the new guy...women always want to salvage the past and I can almost guarantee she will go back to him or sneak conversations and get together with this guy...it's just shitty timing for you.
     
  6. KSNIPPY

    KSNIPPY As lost as i get i will find you

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2004
    Messages:
    1,026
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    souf
    so true, worse fucking timing ever. i know she still has to be emotionally attached to him with having no closure at all with him just up and leaving and now coming back. especailly the way she said her feelings for him were "frozen" thats gotta mean she still has an attachment.
     
  7. hbrown023

    hbrown023 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2006
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ATL
    Sorry buddy. Just thought I'd be honest. At least you're only a week in.
     
  8. KSNIPPY

    KSNIPPY As lost as i get i will find you

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2004
    Messages:
    1,026
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    souf
    thanks for being honest. just sucks though, coming out of a while without dating i was really happy that i found someone that actually seemed interesting and fun. i know she deserves more than some dude that would pull that shit though.
     
  9. BritishHumpingWitch

    BritishHumpingWitch New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2007
    Messages:
    40,114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Inside Hendo's groin guard
    She's being honest with you (from the sounds of it), so give her some credit where credit is due. Secondly, I'm not going to tell you to wait around, but don't push yourself to the sidelines quite yet; go with the flow, thats all you can do right now. The thing is, if she's a smart girl, she'll realize she can't fully trust her last boyfriend; she'll then seek closure; let go; move on and allow herself to enjoy and appreciate a decent guy and a healthy relationship. Good luck.
     
  10. KSNIPPY

    KSNIPPY As lost as i get i will find you

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2004
    Messages:
    1,026
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    souf
    ive had someone else tell me this today, and i think it makes perfect sense. if shes knows whats best for her i dont think that shell get back with him either. i dont see how you can trust someone thats done something like that again. but i can see her getting back with him. but like you said i am just gonna kinda go with the flow for a little just to see where everything is going. after all its just a girl, theres pleanty more.
     
  11. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2005
    Messages:
    18,222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KC
    My opinion is she has some extra baggage still and to be quite honest doesn't sound like she has gotten over her ex quite yet. I'd say quite while you're ahead. Do it before you get too emotionally attached or develop some strong feelings for her and she puts you down to get back with her ex.
     
  12. BritishHumpingWitch

    BritishHumpingWitch New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2007
    Messages:
    40,114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Inside Hendo's groin guard
    Let me say this, if she goes back to him, that there says a lot about her lack of confidance and self-esteem... She's just allowing herself to settle for the dust that is just going to blow away again. Granted, I'm not saying it's her fault for going back to him (if in fact, she does), but if she does, 9 x's out of 10 she may have had a bad relationship with her parents or had an absent roll model (particularly her father). This is something that scars a person, emotionally & mentally for a life-time and forms all the negative relationships she forms thru-out her life -- it's pretty much all she has ever known and because of that, she will more than likely stick close to those who make her life feel *normal*...(her family life, kind of *normal*). . .(I hope you understood what I just said)???, lol. At any rate, like you said, if it doesn't work out, there are plenty of other girls out there that are ready for a healthy relationship.
     
  13. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2006
    Messages:
    1,216
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North Miami Beach, FL
    I completely agree. Girls will normally do it, I've seen it a lot in my cousin. Doesn't want to be like her mother, but is exactly like her and doesn't even notice it.
    And you should just go with the flow right now, who knows what she'll decide to do? But, I do suggest to talk to her and see what's going on. I wouldn't wait around for her. If she does decide to stay with you though, make sure she has closure with the ex AND see to it that she doesn't talk to him anymore. People need closure and some time apart after a break-up to let any left over feelings dissipate before they can decide if they want to be friends.
     

Share This Page