Need some help in here please........*depressed*

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Bait Man, Feb 9, 2006.

  1. Bait Man

    Bait Man Guest

    Alright im gonna start off with some cliffs.....

    - Met girl
    - Became good friends (Best she claims)
    - Started dating
    - Went out for a year. Fell in love with this girl
    - I dump her cause im 21 and dont knwo what i want.. I get scared cause i like this girl alot and dont knwo what to do. I take time to evaluate things..



    - SSo were broken up for a couple months
    - I decided i would like to work things out and be serious
    - We dont get back together officially but we still sleep at each otherhouse and have sex


    Fast forward to this weekend..

    I have to go out of state to a beach house to help my family.. My "girl" is going to my friends birthday party at this club.. The whole night i find out shes dancing with my boya nd they are all over eachother.. Afterwards her and 3 other girls go back to my buddys house to smoke.. this is at like 2 am and everyones drunk.. Well the girls she gets there with start making out and end up screwing around with eachother and a guy... My girl, isnt involved. so i hear....


    well i find out yesturday from my good friend whos bithday it was that my "girl" ended up kissing my buddy... At this point im pretty upset about this because we were working on getting back together...


    i call up the girl and leave a message basically telling her i dont ever want to speak to her again and not to call me... Shes been calling me non stop and basically i dont want to hear it... Im really upset about this..


    I beleive in trust in a relationship and this simply doesnt fly with me.. Probelm is i loved this girll.. She was the best thing.. I neevr thought she owuld do this to me and now that she has, i have lost trust in basically all women...


    what should i do about this?? Stick to my guns and tell this girl to disappear???



    My buddy and he both deny it up and down... I tired everthing to get it out of my buddy and he cant beleive i would even think this.. he claims to be one of my best friends and we have been through so much he would never do it to me...


    The girls who are telling me she did screw around with him are not happy with my "girl" but i dont think they would lie about ssomething like this....



    I really dont knwo who to beleive of wht to do... This is something that would always stick in my head..


    I want to move on and be strong... its just hard....
     
  2. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2004
    Messages:
    7,705
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Another reality apparently
    wow, a bit emo for 21 eh?
     
  3. Bait Man

    Bait Man Guest

    yeah.... this is the closest ive ever been to be ing "cheated" on....


    I honestly loved this girl and cant beleive she would do this..... I really thought she was one of teh only goood girls out there... I have a hard time trusting girls too...

    this shit has just got me really down.....
     
  4. Achmiel

    Achmiel Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshi

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2001
    Messages:
    42,219
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Cruisin' in the ATL
    yeah - he's not your buddy either if he did that - drunk or not.
     
  5. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2001
    Messages:
    1,074
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Flori-duh
    Grow up.

    You fuck up emotionally, she gives you another chance and you're going to hang her out to dry because of something she did when she was drunk? And you can't decide what you want when you're sober?

    You should get down on your knees, beg forgiveness for being a smuck and thank your lucky stars that you've been given a second chance with the girl of your dreams in spite of the fact you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone.
     
  6. Bait Man

    Bait Man Guest

    Thanks sionell89, thats certainly a perspective to look at....



    You have to understand where im coming from...

    I have a great amount of pride in myself. I have even more self respect for myself aswell... I know i would neevr do that to anyone i cared about..


    But does this girl care about me enough? I mean im out of town and shes drunk craving attention and kisses my boy (wether or not he really is my boy for grindin on her all night)

    but should i get back with her? Is this a sign telling me to stay away?????


    I mean can i actually have trust in this girl and maintain a healthy relationship with this in the back of my head??


    Its only day 2 of me finding out.. I really dont knwo what to do right now..

    The girl is absolutly gorgeous... And with that she needs attention.. Shes also not really independent.

    Is that something i want?


    i just dont know at this point. .

    I appreictae all replies tho :)
     
  7. Bait Man

    Bait Man Guest

    i also broke up with her at thetime because she was very needy and smothering... She had to sleep at my house every night... So were dealing with an attention whore....




    we talk after break up and i tell her all the things i have probelms with... (Constantly being with eachother 24/7, her needyness, etc)
     
  8. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    plenty of fish in the sea that you don't have these issues with

    its already fucked between you two, move on
     
  9. red97gst

    red97gst New Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2005
    Messages:
    1,218
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
    dude, she's not even your girl.

    think about it.

    If you tell a girl "i dont know what i want now" and break up with them, they interpret it as "i dont know what i want, but it certainly ISNT YOU"

    So then she agrees to start seeing u again. But you havent committed to anything. I mean, for all she knows, you "dont know what u want" so youre out fucking a diff girl every weekend so u can figure that out. Just cuz you sleep together again, doenst show that u are committing to her in any way.

    YOU may know that you'd never mess with anyone else while sleeping with her, but SHE may not know that. You have to prove that, and the only way girls see proof is when u commit to being their BF.

    And whats the big deal if she made out with your friend? They didnt fuck right? she didnt give him a BJ or anything....

    getting wasted and making out with ppl isnt a sign of an attn whore....unless shes making out with like 4 guys.

    Do you sleep in the same bed every night? I'm not saying that this girl is a keeper necessarily; she could very well be trouble if shes dependent on men, and u dont like that quality. But u shouldnt base things on this one night.

    She may have done that to get u to wake up and realize shes not gonna sit around and wait for your ass while u make up your mind!!!
     
  10. Bait Man

    Bait Man Guest

    Thanks RED


    What if this is a sort of Sign??

    Yeah we both talked about getting back together.. We started working at it.. But then this happens...


    is it a sign that this girl isnt the one and what your doing may not be in the best interest.... maybe its a sign that this isnt the right girl for me...
     
  11. Bait Man

    Bait Man Guest

    Also.....


    If my buddy can lie to my face like that what the fuck good is he??

    Same with her...

    if she can lie to my face about this and deny the shit out of it what good is she???? i can maybe see salvaging a relationship if the girl can be up front and honest with me....


    With out trust, i cant have a relationship with someone...
     
  12. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2001
    Messages:
    1,074
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Flori-duh
    Bait, you're looking for a bunch of us to say you're right. A few have said just that, so you got what you were looking for. You're not going to get all of us to say, 'Yeah, dump that bitch ho." You're not taking a bit of responsibility for this. Red and I basically said the same thing.

    So, shit or get off the pot. Either decide that you want to be single and BE single (which means that the person you're having nooky with is SINGLE too - no strings), or decide that this girl is someone you want a RELATIONSHIP with, tell her, get her to agree, give both of you a clean slate and move ON!
     
  13. Bait Man

    Bait Man Guest

    Sionell. all i want is a girl i can trust.....


    When in fact i do feel liek talking to her, if we can come off clean and honest, i can ocnsider a relationship with her... If shes gonna continue to lie in my face, its nothing i want anything to do with...
     
  14. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2001
    Messages:
    1,074
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Flori-duh
    Then you answered your own question.

    As for trust....oh man, that definition changes as the years go on. What constitutes trust now is not what constitutes trust when I was your age. I have an 'open' relationship now, but back then, man alive, I was exactly in your place about having this ultimate ideal of trust.

    You know what? That ultimate ideal doesn't exist. Because we're human. There is going to come a time when the person you're involved with is going to accuse you of breaking her trust and you're gonna be looking around like, "Wha? Whadda I do??" And then you're going to look back over five years and wonder why did you even make a big deal about it in the first place.

    Such is life. We get perspective as we grow older.

    But mark my words, you'll never find a person to live up to that ideal of trust. It won't happen, doesn't exist, never did because we're all human.
     
  15. red97gst

    red97gst New Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2005
    Messages:
    1,218
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
    if she lied to your face, and u know for sure shes lying, then dont mess with her then.

    cuz if her goals were to get u jealous, she wouldnt lie about it.

    so she prob had other motives, or just felt like it was a mistake. Either way, if you think this is just further evidence of a particular attitude she has, that u really dont like, then just stop seeing her
     
  16. Bait Man

    Bait Man Guest

    thanks guys...


    i guess i wont know shit until i talk to her... at this point im pretty upset with her and dont wish to talk to her...


    I dunno if its gonna be an other day, a couple days, or even a week until im comfortable with talking to her...



    When you think thatyou finally found a girl on yoour level and that you are in love with, it just hurts to have something like this occur...

    Its not something i feel i need to rush with and come up with a decision quite yet....
     
  17. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2001
    Messages:
    1,074
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Flori-duh
    If you knew that, you wouldn't have broken up with her in the first place.

    Good luck...
     
  18. Bait Man

    Bait Man Guest

    true.,.....

    either that or cold feet... but the combination of things that bothered me wouldnt have gone away...
     
  19. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    Yeah, and all she wanted was a guy she could trust, but you went and dumped her. At that point, and that point alone, you completely fucked yourself. You told her "If things get really hard, I'm going to bail on you." This also means that if you ever got married and had kids, and then lost your job, you're the kind of guy who would ditch her and leave her alone. While that may not be the *exact* truth, that IS the message you sent to her.

    Now, after you kicked her to the curb, she can no longer trust you. Sure, she fucks you, probably because she still likes you. But she's getting older and smarter and knows that she has lost interest in you. When she put herself in a situation where things could go badly (i.e., "cheat" on you) she effectively said "I'm hoping for something to go wrong so *I* can end this relatiohship because he is too much of a pussy to do it on his own."

    I can imagine there have been a number of other red flags in the past, most of which you have completely ignored, and now she is at the stage where she is doing whatever she can to sabotage the relationship. She's doing this because you do not have enough of a backbone, or are not mature enough to realize things are over, and this is her only option. She has effectively taken control of the relationship and she does not want to do that. You, the male, are supposed to be the one making these big decisions - not her.

    Take a read at this article I wrote that goes over some of the issues you may or may not have seen:

    http://www.friendzoned.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4

    Now assuming she dumps you, read this one next:

    http://www.friendzoned.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2

    As much as you want to hear us tell you "Oh, you can save it! Go for it! Kiss her ass and buy her a new car and it'll be fine!" it's not going to be fine. You drove a fatal stake in between the two of you when you dumped her, and that is something that a mature woman will never forget. Basically, once you break up, it will never be the same again. You had the opportunity to think about things at the time, as hard as they may have been, and work it out, but you chose to cut and run.

    Guess what? Now she is calling the shots and you're the target.

    Sure, I could be wrong, as I really don't know exactly what is going on, how close you two are to each other, but you know what? My SO would *never* go to a party alone, get trashed, and make out with anyone. Period. It's just that simple. She respects our relationship more than that.

    Now, with all that said, if you talk to her about this and she fully and completely, and TRULY, confesses to all that she did and is TRULY sorry about it, then you owe it to her to give her a second chance. But this is one of those things where you are going to need to sit down and talk with her about it and let her know she slipped up. It's fair - and mature - to give people a second chance - but only once. If she's fucked up before then now is not the time to forgive. And if you do forgive, never forget. This is not a "get out of jail any time you want" card - this is a last chance card, and if she fucks up again she's gone - and you need to let her know that up front.
     
  20. NismoOwnsYou

    NismoOwnsYou Guest

    geez....why do you people insist on being so fucking technical with life? Let me enlighten you.

    If you were able to seperate with her to begin with, it means she didn't have the goods. When you're in real love you'll know it. Being able to break up to "re-evaluate" is NOT love. Suck it up and keep it moving.
     
  21. Bait Man

    Bait Man Guest

    than,ks for the replies guys
     

Share This Page