Need some advise.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by 3-THREE-7, Jan 24, 2006.

  1. 3-THREE-7

    3-THREE-7 New Member

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    So this past weekend I vistied a friend. A freind that I have had a few crushes on in my life. One crush in highschool, one in college, and one now. Everytime I have had a crush on her it has been bad timing, she was either in a relationship or recently out of one. So, we have never dated. This past weekend however, I visited her at University, and we had some serious makeout sessions. It was great. She is no slut, so we didn't end up fucking, which actually makes me want her more.

    Anyway, we spoke late last night, and she said she had been stressing out about the makeout sessions all day. She has been out her relationship since April, but she still worried about the EX seeing her and I together. I had mentioned that maybe she still had feelings for him, she said that they would never get back together, because it was a really shitty relationship in the first place. She wants to be friends, but wants no pressure to date, which I totally understand. So, how should I handle it? Do I do as she asks, and be friends, and try not to pressure her to date? I think that would be hard for me to do, but definatly in the cards. Or should I mack the fuck out of her? Any other option/suggestions?
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2006
  2. C.K.

    C.K. New Member

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    keep it the way it is now or you might risk losing her but keep playfully flirting with her to make sure she always knows ur interested
     
  3. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I think you are so friendzoned ....

    But, to make it work (or at least attempt) be sure to not "talk" about it. Just flirt, joke, and keep her on her toes. Any serious BS will drive her away.
     
  4. 3-THREE-7

    3-THREE-7 New Member

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    Friendzoned is probably a good description, although we have not seen each other for over a year. I specifically went to visit her, and she seemed really excited before, and while I was there. The weekend is over, and now she is kind of cold. She doesn't really want to talk with me, even our MSN messages always end quickly. I assume she just doesn't want to lead me on anymore then she already has.

    I guess it's true when they say that "if it seems too good to be true, then it usually is".
     
  5. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Her actions speak volumes, here. If she really had a thing for you, she'd be all over you - or at least a lot more chatty.

    Friends are friends for life, in my opinion and experience. You cannot make them into sexual partners. The most I have ever gotten was a make out session.

    Don't blame her, you just need to learn to choose women better. Basically, you cannot have known them for more than a week or two without asking them out on a date, otherwise you get friendzoned.
     
  6. 311-420

    311-420 New Member

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    i hate the friendzone..good luck
     
  7. 3-THREE-7

    3-THREE-7 New Member

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    Well, why do you think she was all over me before. We would talk for a long time before this weekend. She seemed really excited to see me, we would talk daily. Now nothing?

    I think its like you said. She was pumped to see me, but didn't expect anything to happen. When it did, she freaked, because its overstepping the friendzone boundries.

    She is already stressed out about school. So I also think this just adds another type of stress, that she really doesn't want to deal with. I'll give her sometime, see if she comes around.

    I know that I'm thinking too much about things anyway. I'm going out on date tomorrow with another girl, but its been mainly business this far.
    Only the second date, so no friendzone shit this time.
     
  8. Stemby

    Stemby Whoooose House? COOOOOOOOOOOOGS HOUSE!

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    DAWT!
     
  9. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    You did something wrong. Check this article I wrote:

    http://www.friendzoned.com/content/view/18/28/

    Read the section about "What did you do wrong?" and notice that #3 is talking on the phone a lot. That's what GIRLFRIENDS do. Boyfriends come over and screw ... kawf, kawf. Plus, for her it was like she was kissing her child, her son, her baby. It's unnatural for women to do that, in my opinion.

    Exactly. Every woman I have been with like that has totally withdrawn for a while.

    School = excuses. Excuses = not interested. My SO left Thanksgiving dinner mid-way to go on a date with me. That shows interest now doesn't it? Give her time? Because she did not show you her true colors the first time around and you're willing to get your gut kicked in again? Why would you do that? It's like she spit in your face, she freaked out and that means she finds you unattractive. Why would you let her do it again? THIS is why guys get SHY and worry about rejection. If you let her "reject" you time and time again you'll think it's her fault, when really it would be yours.

    Good, get away from her. A date is a great idea, and you should totally go with it. :)

    Have you read this article I wrote?

    http://www.friendzoned.com/content/view/19/28/

    Then this one?

    http://www.friendzoned.com/content/view/16/28/

    Tell me what you think.... all you have to keep in mind is that you need to let her know you are trying to get to know her to see if she meets YOUR standards. It's never the other way around - you're not trying to get her to like you, she needs to get you to like HER.

    Remember, you are the prize, and you can be confident that if a woman does anything stupid you will dump her FIRST.
     
  10. 3-THREE-7

    3-THREE-7 New Member

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    :cool: I read all three atricles. Some good info in there I should of had with my last relationship.


    Really the only two faults are:

    That I do Msg her. Not a lot, but probably enough that she gets annoyed. I only spoke to her Sunday before I left her house. I msg'd her 3 times monday (she has dial up so, two of those msgs were to see when she'd be offline so we could talk.) The conversation was brief, but to the point. She really is not ready for a relationship, or the associated stress that goes along with it. I also msg'd her a few times today. I will not contact her again.

    She was worried about seeing her Ex. She didn't want her Ex to see us together, she says he was very controlling and would of freaked out. She goes to University in a rather small town (50,000), so there are only a handful of University hang outs. So, we avoided the places that he was know to hang out. On monday she saw him in the hall, she says they did not talk, but it still bothered her for some reason.

    I don't think we would of made out if she found me unattractive, it was only afterwards when she thought about having a releationship she felt bad. She called me 'dangerous' while we were making out for christ sakes. I took it as that she was really turned on, and wanted to fuck, but couldn't because she new she would regret it in the morning.


    Anyway, you do have some good advise. Those things come with age and experience. I'm 24, and have been in a number of short relationships, and one semi long term relationship. The semi long term relationship was kind of a crash course, I definatly learned a lot in that one.
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2006
  11. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Thanks. The site is a work in progress but is stalled because my laptop died. I've got a new one on order and then the site will get better. :)

    Yeah, you know I always feel that electronic communication is friendzone, for the most part. Primarily because it lacks the possibility of physical contact, passion, romance but also because you cannot read the persons body language, you cannot make environment related jokes (i.e., "Oh, did you see that person spill their drink over there?"), and it's harder to flirt. For me, flirting and having a good time does require physical proximity, and of course if you're good then you WANT to be close so something can come of it. ;)

    Right here I would point out "What does this say about her position?" By saying her reputation in front of him is more important to be single than with another guy, this means she wants something to happen with him. She wants to get back with him. If she had truly dumped him, and was over him, first she would (hopefully) not talk about him and second would not give a damn. She'd be all over you - presumably. But the fact that she still talks about him, makes excuses as to why she cannot be with you that are related to him, and is not with you ... these "actions speak louder than words" to the extent that you're not in the game.

    Me, personally, if I discover a woman is talking about her ex or current boyfriend (yikes) I pretty much dump them. In your case, since she's a friend, I wouldn't dump her, per se, but I would change the topic. Anytime a person starts talking about their ex, it's a bad sign. This, by the way, means that YOU should also avoid talking about ex's or other women with someone who you are interested in. ;)

    Really, I don't have many female friends simply because I don't think most women make good friends. They don't understand my biting sense of humor, they don't appreciate sarcasm, and they don't seem to understand my need for sex. Plus, they won't help me change the oil in the car, take out the trash, or clean the house. A real friend would ....

    I went to a small school, so I know what that is like. But the reason why it bothered her when they did not talk was becuase she wanted him to come back, but at the same time is attracted to the fact that he ignored her. It shows that he has a backbone, that he is a real man, and he's a challenge. If he was easy to understand, he would be boring and no fun. She's still stuck on him, I'd bet.

    Yeah, passion feels good, but then women pull back (which I think is total BS, but it's reality) it gets weird. My theory of child-to-mother seems to explain it (to me) but I still don't agree with it. However, as much as I think it's crazy, it's one of those things I have come to accept as something I cannot change, and to avoid heartache I now avoid those situations.

    Yeah, don't you hate that shit? I would have been pissed. I won't get into it, but it's like she is saying "You're convenient" and that does not cut it for me. I want a full commitment. Could you have gotten more? Maybe, but you would have had to make it clear you wanted more, yet at the same time pulled back (as in, stopped and kicked her out) to make her wonder what was going on. Or something. Without more details, or being there, it's hard to say. Usually, it just doesn't work out. Unless she's trashed, but then you get the "Yesterday was a big mistake" line and that is the #1 way to piss me off!

    Yeah, it's all about learning from mistakes. Me, I'd say this women was a mistake, and if you can walk away learning from it then it's all good. :big grin:
     
  12. 3-THREE-7

    3-THREE-7 New Member

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    It all makes sense when I really think it all through. It sucks, but I'm wasting my time. Shitty think is I think we may have fucked up our relationship as friends too.
     
  13. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    No worries, she'll come back. Just don't call her, let her think things have settled down. They always seem to come back so long as you let them do it on their own time.

    Me, personally, I don't make friends with women. I don't make friends with anyone who won't help me move, fix my car, or go get trashed and make an ass of myself. :lol:
     
  14. 3-THREE-7

    3-THREE-7 New Member

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    Yeah, I know that I have to let her come back on her own time. She was pretty messed up by her previous relationship. She has been broken up since April, and has not dated a single guy since. I'm the closest to get with her in 10 months. So, I actually believe her when she says her previous BF fucked her around. She told me that she cannot move forward with anyone else, until she has dealt with whatever feelings she has for/against her Ex, and the feelings she has for that relationship.

    I'm a strong believer in 'things happen for a reason', and if something more is supposed to happen then it will. It will at its own pace.

    BTW, the Lunch date went well. She's moving next weekend, closer to my Condo. So, I asked her out again when she's all settled in there.:cool:
     
  15. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Just don't get suckered into helping move her crap unless you get something out of it ....
     
  16. 3-THREE-7

    3-THREE-7 New Member

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    I just asked if she had help, she already does.
     
  17. FredBull

    FredBull *******

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    friendzone = overrated.

    you can do it :)
     
  18. 3-THREE-7

    3-THREE-7 New Member

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    Thanks for the vote of confidence. I have a lot of friends who never dated in highschool, stayed in contact, and now they are married. So, sometimes it does work out.
     
  19. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    It sure can work out, if you play your cards right and have a solid base to work from. This going from friends to lovers thing doesn't seem to have a great success rate in my experience, so all I am saying is "Keep your eyes open and don't be a sucker." ;)
     
  20. 3-THREE-7

    3-THREE-7 New Member

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    Thanks for all the advise buddy. It seems like you know a thing or two more then I do, especially with that website. Shes already contacted me, so I think by showing her that I don't really need/want to talk to her is working already. :rofl:
     

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