Need some advice..

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Got that kush, Feb 10, 2009.

  1. Got that kush

    Got that kush New Member

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    Hey fellas, and ladys, i know this is probably so similar to at least 50 other posts in here since i have been reading most of them, but they are not addressing my problem. I just started school in Plattsburgh and about 2 weeks prior to my leaving my girlfriend broke up with me after an amazing 2 year relationship. We were the "perfect" couple and now she is gone. It has been about a month since we broke up and untill friday i tried to keep contact with her, which i found out was a huge mistake, and now im an emotional wreck because i know i have to stop talking to her in order to get over it.

    The breakup was kinda expected being i didnt want to go to school in a relationship on the conditions we were in, she had alot of trouble at home.. very little money, she was clinically depressed, and she told me she could not handle the responsibility of having a boyfriend, but she wanted to stay friends, and possibly re-evaluate us further down the road..

    Im having such a hard time here because after talking to her a few times she seems like she is great, and i feel that the whole reason she was depressed was because of me.. We had an amazing relationship, and it just started going downhill from the day i got accepted to my four year school. My depression is making me hate school, during the day i cant focus on anything, all i do is think about her. I still llove her, i miss her more than anything, i would give anything to be with her.. and im a mess because i know i need to stop talking to her, and let the feelings of being in love with some one go away.. and this has to be the most difficult thing i have ever done before in my life. I want to go home, but i know i cant.. i know i have to man up and deal with this because this stuff happens.

    Lastly the other thing, she told my friend that she felt the spark going away, im sure with all of the other problems she has or was having in her life thats an easy thing to have happen, but i feel like i did something wrong, and there is problems with me, and thats why she broke up with me, i have a real hard time dealing with the fact that her feelings for me have gone away, i did nothing wrong, i treated her amazing, and she did the same.. i just want to know, is it wrong to not understand how feelings change after 2 year?

    could it be just because i was leaving her, and a long term relationship is alot of effort, and at out age it just isnt worth the trouble?

    again, sorry for the long winded post.. this is the most difficult thing i have ever gone through, and i dont like talking off people ears around me anymore, because this is consuming me.. this was more of a vent, but please.. i need some help, i hate feeling depressed im not the person i am and people see that.

    james
     
  2. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    She had the problems here, not you. Stop feeling bad and sorry for yourself. Move on and go out and meet new women.

    She broke up with you because she is young and she wants to have sex with other guys. It's just the way it is. You'll get over it and you'll learn from your experiences as you grow older.
     
  3. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    James, its time to grow up and move on.

    By growing up, I don't mean it in a be-littling way, more so in a way of looking at life ahead of you. You say in your post after you were accepted into the 4 year college OF YOUR CHOICE (which obviously means something to you) that the relationship didn't seem right.

    I think the whole situation comes down to the whole young and in love story. Boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl break up, world comes crashing down. WRONG. You said the relationship was perfect up until that time, you also told me/us that your girlfriend has financial issues, depression issues, and apparently responsilibity issues. The fact of the matter is, the two of you know nothing aside from yourselves. Assuming you're in the 18-20 yr old range, the two of you have been dating for two years. For most of your young adult/mature life, you have been spending it with her, and likewise from her to you.

    Whats happening is now that the two of you are apart, you seem to be lost. But not because you love her and want her back, but because with out her there, you dont know what to do. It seems with younger relationships men and women tend to surround themselves solely of each other. Thus, when breaking up its much harder to do.

    Are there any hobbies you have? Sports you play? Places you hang at regularly? If not, then that pretty much explains your position/hurting. Without other activities in your relationship you two were 100% focused and worried about each other. Where she is, what shes doing, whose shes talking to, etc. Now that you can't be on top of her, or she isnt on top of you, you feel a void. Something is missing.


    I think thats where I got most my emphasis on my reply. It seems like you KNOW you are depressed, you KNOW what the situation is, and yet you still beat yourself over it?

    It sounds like your ex is an emotional wreck. If someone isn't mature enough to understand that a person is growing, maturing, and pursuing an education, then maybe you shouldn't be so hard on yourself? You are trying to make a living for yourself by going to school now so in 10 years you're not scratching your head, living in an apartment with 3 roommates while working @ wendy's.

    You're doing the right thing by going to school, don't think otherwise. Don't feel at fault for her depression, she's attached and doesn't know what to do with out you. Just like you dont know what to do with out her, thats what love does to people. But sometimes in love you have to make the right decision so that the LOVED one can move on with their life and better themselves.


    Just keep your head up, work out, keep up on your school work, touch up with old friends and family, just be a college student bro, life comes fast, don't miss out.
     
  4. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    There is absolutely no reason to be so focused on your ex when you're in college. There are probably thousands of girls at your school, just give some of them a chance, and you'll find someone to make you happy or someone to fuck around with and keep your mind off your gf until you get over her.
     
  5. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Anythign to get your mind off of the last one.

    Just dont get attached to any of the new ones, as its unsafe/unhealthy for you.
     
  6. Got that kush

    Got that kush New Member

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    Just_another_on thank you very much for that response, it was full of awesome advice.. and i do relate to most of it, i am lost with out her, i am lost because since i went away to school she got all of the mutual friends, because she is still there.. i know i have to move on, im just having a hard time being alone, i have been in relationships for the last 3 years of my life.. went from one to another almost right away, so its a weird situation for me to be alone again..

    you hit the nail on the head, i met her at work, she did all the work in making me fall for her, she lived 4 miles away from my house, we had all the same friends i was with her all the time and now that i know i have to not talk to her makes it hard. And its even harder because like i said i knew stuff was getting sour since early November, and we spend the last 2 months of our relationship more like friends than boyfriend girlfriend, so all i want is a friendship with her, but i know i cant have that for a while still, and it sucks..

    i didnt have a rough life, my dad makes a shit load of money, i have always had a roof over my head, i never wanted for anything.. and now i get something like this, and this is the most difficult thing i have ever had to go through in my life. Since i knew stuff was going bad i did all i could to try to fix it, i got so much more attached at the end of the relationship because i felt her take a smallll step bad (preparing herself for the inevitable) i took a step closer, making stuff so much more overwhelming for her.

    i mean i know the breakup wasnt bad, she gave me absolutly no reason to hate her, no reason to not want to be friends when i can, but thats the hardest part.. just taking a step back to a friendship with some one i have been in love with for a while

    James
     
  7. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Don't take this the wrong way James, but you have a LONG way to go before you and her can be friends. Granted you miss her and hearing her voice every day will make you smile, deep down inside, every night you're going to be crying yourself to sleep cause you want more than a friendship with her.

    Right now, for your sake, try to move past her. Stop trying to talk to her, if she asks why, tell her the truth. Tell her you would like to be friends but right now you don't think it's going to work that way. You still have way to much emotion involved for you to drop the relationship and just be a friend, especially considering you guys share the same friends.

    Especially after reading that, you really need to step away. The young lady obviously isn't in the right mind, especially if suicide was a thought. Thats an immediate red flag. I'd recommend her to get some help, see a psyc of some sort and let her continue her life, AWAY from you.
     
  8. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    And sorry if im a little 'long' with the responses, I was in this EXACT same position when I was 19/20 years old. Hardest part of my life.
     
  9. Got that kush

    Got that kush New Member

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    Hey man, there i no such thing as too long of a response.. i am reading these, and I am trying to relate to them.. i need some help, being i am in a spot with a bunch of new people who i cannot really talk to about this, my mom says just get over it, she was just a learning experience, i got my boys.. but they all say the same thing just a little more caring i guess.

    i dont think suicide was ever an issue for her, and i have told her to get some help, but the problem is that she does not have the money to see a doctor, and it seems now that i am gone she is feeling better :-/..

    one of the last things she said was "i could stay with you, but i do not want to invest all that time right now, i dont love me, and where i am, and i dont want to try to love you if i dont love myself." so it seems now that she went back to school, and the huge responsibility of being in a relationship is gone she is much better, and it hurts me to know that i was one of the factors in her depression.. because i know i didnt do anything wrong, and i am so confused as to how me being me, the guy she fell in love with, was causing her problems...

    James
     
  10. Got that kush

    Got that kush New Member

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    And by "Preparing for the inevitable" i ment a break from our relationship, or a total break up.. i knew it was going to happen, and i knew she was going to do it.. i just tried to convince myself it would be fine, when i knew it wouldnt.
     
  11. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    I don't think you caused her any problems....

    You summed it up with what you just said in the last response

    If she didnt love herself, she truely never could love you.

    Keep your head high and move forward bro, theres a reason why things end. One door closes, 12 more open.
     
  12. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    You are probably at the best place in the world (away at college) to get over an ex. Meet some new girls and you will be over it soon.
     
  13. Got that kush

    Got that kush New Member

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    this i know, but i am still finding it hard.. the process of getting over her has begun and i know it has.. it hurts and it is going to continue to hurt for a little while, but hopefully not too much longer, i dont like feeling this way
     
  14. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    Yea, it does suck for a while. But after a few bad weeks you start to get better and then once you get in the groove of meeting new people you'll be ok.
     

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