Need some advice

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ilduce, May 30, 2008.

  1. ilduce

    ilduce New Member

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    Im currently going through a long distance break-up with my gf of 2 years. She is back home in Brasil and we have been long distance for some time now but she is changing as a person and Im pretty sure the relationship is all but over.

    I know I shouldnt call, text, or email her but how do you guys do it? When you feel like you want to, how do you get yourself to stop or put the phone down? Im going through that hard part right now where I just want to find excuses to talk to her even though her voice sounds like talking has become more of a chore than a pleasure.

    Thanks for any input.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Just takes willpower. Willpower is one of the hardest things to maintain, but if you do you can realize just how strong you are.

    The best part about breaking up when far apart is you can have the easiest break of them all. At least you don't have to see her any time soon or pass by her car, etc.

    I'm sorry it's over but you have to leave her alone and move on. If she was the one who pushed for this to end she most likely doesn't want to hear from you. You'll never move on in a heathy way if you keep up contact right now. You have to get out and stop talking to her, stop trying to keep up contact.

    Platonic friendship can only happen long after you're both over each other and realize the breakup was for the best
    .

    Here are some threads for you :hug::
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3422135
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3449501
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=1800010
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3169400
     
  3. ilduce

    ilduce New Member

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    She says she needs time to think if she wants to come back here and leave her family there which I can understand. Just a month ago she was talking to me about marriage and how she couldnt wait to get back here but as the days get closer for her to return this has happened. She is supposed to be back in 2 months after a year away. I can understand the family thing but she has just started being selfish, etc. Last week I had surgery on my knee and had blood work taken because they thought I may have had diabetes or possibly thyroid cancer but luckily it just came back as being anemic and I couldnt get her to spare a few minutes to talk to me about everything.

    I have been through this before but it was some time ago when I was still in school with a then gf of 3.5 years but luckily I was in college and playing lacrosse so I had a ton of things to fill my time. I work from home a lot so its tough to stay focused and not drop her an im or email. She is great sometimes and a jerk others.

    I guess the thing that is getting me is that while she has been gone I have been propositioned a ton of times by other very attractive women but I have been completely faithful. I also live in a fairly new place to me so my social network at the moment isnt what it once was.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    First of all, I'm glad you are ok :hs:

    Secondly, if she couldn't give you the kind of attention and support you needed during that kind of time....fuck that.

    My bf has to go in to the hospital for a procedure next week and the day I found out I freaked and made sure to take a personal day from work just to spend the day taking care of him. Obviously she can't do that, but she couldn't stay on the phone with you? I think the long distance rates are worth your peace of mind. I'm sorry she is being selfish, that's all there is to it.

    For a relationship to survive there has to be a level where each person can put the other before themselves. I can't fault her for missing home since that is where her family is (I know I couldn't leave the country let alone the state my family lives in), but if she wants a real future with you she knows what she has to do.

    You still need to leave her alone. Think of yourself and not her. She needs to want to come and be with you on her own. She's ony going to come to this realization if you remove youself from her life. You should also never guilt or pressure her, otherwise that could bite you in the ass later.
     
  5. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    you need confirmation from her that it's over, or not.... you can't deal with the uncertainty and just want to move on with your life if it is. It's agonizing not knowing.

    If you look at other things in life and you feel the same way about how you hate uncertainty and like solid facts, you have your answer.

    I'm the same exact way, I'm a very analytical and fact-based person, I like dealing in hard facts vs. hypotheticals (or at least hypotheticals based on a whim and a prayer vs a real hypothetical outcome obtained through experience) and can't deal with that sorta questioning... I'd call and get an answer right now (it's 2am in Rio/Sao Paulo right now, lol) but that's just me, YMMV on that.

    edit: don't go straight into it, but give her a call and talk, see what's new in her life etc and what she's doing... and then transition into that.
     
  6. ilduce

    ilduce New Member

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    This is what we have been going through the past week. She says she just needs time and Im ok with that but at the very least I wanted some consistency out of her. She will be nice one day and suddenly not have time the next. It just gets to me because we talk for the most part everyday and she always wants to go to bed after a few minutes at night. However, that is only with me because she will go out with her friends till 4 in the morning and talk to them all night but suddenly with me she is always tired. Other times she is very sweet and tells me how much she loves me etc. I have asked about another guy being in the picture a bunch of times but she is adamant that she is not with someone or has done anything with another guy. I tend to be very straightforward so I have asked what is going on but I only ever get the I need time answer. I totally understand going needing time but I dont think that she has to be a mean and selfish person to do so.

    I just want some type of answer. You are right if I know its over I can move on and start the healing process but being in the land of the unknown right now is starting to eat me up inside. Im on an emotional roller coaster and hate it. For themost part Im a very confident and social person but have never been in the club scene or even drink that much so I get nervous thinking about starting all over again in an area where I dont know many people. The few people I do know here are incredible people and I am very thankful for that. Im a pretty religious person and typically prayer and scripture help me out greatly but right now Im in such a funk being in the land of the unknown.


    Im the one who wanted her to go home and finish her school because at her school she had to finish in a certain time period and if she didnt she would have lost 3 years and a lot of money. She wanted to stay here and get married and all of that but I felt that she should go home and finish her school and see her new nephew and be with her family. She was upset at me but when she got there she missed me and cried but I thought I was doing the right thing by sacrificing me wanting her here in order for her to finish things that are important in her life and so she could see her family. Us getting married would have probably stopped her from finishing down there which would have required her to start all over here since she wouldnt have been allowed to leave the country for a while (I guess once you get married to a foreigner they have to stay here for a certain period of time before they can visit another country). It just sucks because she is usually such a caring person and that was something I was attracted to but now has totally changed. Fast forward almost a year later and things suddenly changed now.

    She would always talk about marriage and kids and all of that which I want but I told her that we should focus on her return first and then go from there. I didnt want to talk about it too much because of this, we talk I get in my mind something that I think is going to happen and then bam it changes. I had been hesistant talking about it but we did and I said when she comes back that if we could live that far apart and still be in love that of course marriage would be the next step (that im ok with and wanted) but as far as planning it and time and all of that we should wait till she gets here for that.


    I just wanted her to sacrifice a few minutes in her life to talk to me about some serious health stuff and just to chat but I only got a few and then she was going out with her friends. The next day she says we will talk after she gets back from the gym and pool. So I wait and she gets back and says that in 15 minutes she is going on hike with some friends. I asked her to stay home from the hike (these werent really that great of friends of hers, not close by any means) to talk to me a bit because I was very nervous about the blood work and I had just had surgery the day before but she refused and said she would be home in a bit, 5 hours later she finally returns but still doesnt want to talk much. The night before (day of my surgery and I had only spoke to her for about 5 mins and typically we talk a lot everyday) I try to talk to her online and she says she is going out with her friends. I try calling her cell phone a bunch of times but no answer and she comes home and I finally get a hold of her at 4 am (5 her time) and she answers saying she has been home for a bit and saw I called but didnt feel like calling me back because she thought I would be mad. I dont ask for much just a time that she is going to be home that way I dont worry about her (she was recently robbed on the bus so its not that safe of a place anyway) at the very least if I dont hear I can call her sister and tell her that she has never returned to her house. I dont think that is being to overbearing but since I cant be there in case something did happen the least I could do is call someone.


    Beer and Civic thank you so much for your time.
     
  7. ilduce

    ilduce New Member

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    Bumping this up. I just need a little more encouragement or even how other people deal with this stuff. I had been ok but tonight it hit me pretty hard.
     
  8. aim2kill

    aim2kill New Member

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    its tough, im gone from home alot in the military and maintaining my 2.5ys relationship with my SO has been difficult at time, we've never broken up, but we have hit a coupel potholes alone the road. all i can say is what helped me, and thats to find something, anything, to occupy your time and mind. :bigthumb:
     

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