Need some advice

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by YoSmoovKid, Oct 21, 2006.

  1. YoSmoovKid

    YoSmoovKid New Member

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    Over the course of the past six to seven months I have been dating this amazing woman. She has a great sense of humor, good head on her shoulders, and is caring and loving to boot.

    Last night we bumped heads about one of her ex's. He fucked her over pretty hard apparently, yet she is still trying to maintain a good fellowship with him (they work in the same place). However, I can't understand why she makes attempts to hang out with this guy outside of work. And honestly it makes me feel both mad and upset that she continues to do this. I've expressed my feelings to her that it does bother me last night. I trust her, but this situation makes me very uneasy.

    Sorry for a long speech, but I just needed to get this off my chest somehow. I just don't know what I should do next if she continues to hang out with this ex.
     
  2. fray

    fray New Member

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    What kind of attempts does she make? Hangs out with him alone or with mutual friends? For work stuff, or just for the hell of it? What does she say her reason is? Is she upset about the "fucking over" and has she gotten over him, or deep down do you worry she's still trying to fix things and make sure he likes her?

    Seems like it depends on the circumstances, but it'd probably piss me off too...
     
  3. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    If you trust her like you say you do, then what do you have to worry about?
     
  4. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    You should do nothing. With chicks the last thing you should do is tell them what not to do.

    If you really must do something about it, try this:
    -Work on your insecurities
    -Understand that if she wants to fuck the guy she will regardless of what you think
    -Understand that if she feels unsafe she will remove herself from the situation. Women are much more socially aware than us guys

    Cliffs: Fix yourself and stop being controlling and insecure because it is HIGHLY unatractive to women.
     
  5. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    You have to decide if that is something you are willing to put up with in a relationship. I personally wouldn't put up with it. Being friendly at work is one thing but hanging out after work is completely unnecessary.
     
  6. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    If you do trust her, then do nothing. If you don't, why not? Do you have any proof? I mean if the guy screwed her over, why would she want to start anything with him? A sure-fire way to lose a woman (or a man, ladies) is to act real suspicious about her behavior.

    By the way, the trusting part doesn't just have to do with her possibly messing around with the guy, but also trusting her to be able to handle a situation with a guy who has hurt her before.
     
  7. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    It's not about trusting her, it's about her not having respect for their relationship. Also, a girl wanting to keep hanging out with a guy that treated her like shit should be a huge red flag. I've had a couple of past exes treat me bad and I dumped them and have never spoken to them since. If she wants to keep hanging out with him then she probably still has feelings for him.
     
  8. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I can understand her being polite to him AT work, but AFTER work hanging out? Not unless it was some sort of company function.

    Insecure? Not so much as she is being VERY disprespectful. If my SO was hanging out with her ex, I'd also be an ex of hers, and I would not hang out with her either...

    I would say avoid losing your cool but tell her something like "Look, I understand you need to be cool with him about work stuff, but you need to keep it professional. It you want to hang out with him after work ... well, I'm not going to tolerate it. I'm saying you can do whatever you want, but that you do need to expect me to have higher standards than to be treated like that. Don't expect me to stick around while you walk all over me. Are we clear?"

    Yes, it's rough, yes you do need to be calm, cool, collected, and as mature as possible, but you do need to put your foot down. It sounds like before you complained about this situation. Now you need to let her know that this is a deal breaker and you're an adult and expect to be treated like one.

    Remember, you control YOUR life. I would never tolerate that treatment no matter how perfect the woman was.

    Flip the coin - you spend time with your ex and she would ... what? She'd assume you're fucking her. Justifiably, as well. If you valued your relationship with your GF, you would avoid any actions that might make her concerned in any way, shape, or form.

    After being used by a myriad of women, this is one thing that I will never allow to happen to me again. I suggest you think about how you view it as well.

    Bottom line? Have standards, let her know what they are, and then enforce and follow them to the letter.
     
  9. YoSmoovKid

    YoSmoovKid New Member

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    Think you have def. nailed down what I think also... thank you for all your advice
     
  10. Twostep

    Twostep OT Supporter

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    My g/f pulled the same shit. Kept talking and hanging around with her ex because she wanted to be 'friends' with him, even though she always complained about his abuse. It turned out she was NOT over him and still had feelings for him. She ended up fucking him.

    Your girl obviously isn't over her ex yet. Don't let her play you. And ignore the fools who say 'get over your insecurities'.
     

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