need some advice...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by opie, May 26, 2006.

  1. opie

    opie hi. OT Supporter

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    I'm suppose to be getting married in 4 months, I just bought a house with this girl.

    She's very insecure and I've always dealt with it. She always thinks I'm cheating on her even though I've never done it.

    This morning, she told me that she has been reading my myspace emails because she thought i was cheating.

    I need some serious advice here. I need to make a decision to continue to marry her and try to forgive her or to just forget about her and go on with my life.

    :wtc:
     
  2. Brigante

    Brigante i'm a lurker without an avatar, deal with it

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    why the fuck to people count on a website such as myspace as a basis for communication??? it astounds me as i've seen at least 2 other threads just like this on OT. it's not your fault, she seems to be too insecure about herself. and that could become a headache down the line. girls with low self-esteem will always look for their SO's to reassure them and make them feel better about themselves. i've been with girls like that. my current gf has a slight issue with this. and it does get very annoying having to assure her that i do love her, that i do want to be with her, etc etc etc. no matter how much or how i say it, she just doesn't get it.

    dont' know the entire picture, but it seems that she just needs to learn to trust more and get more confidence in herself and your relationship. i'd lay it all on the table before you go marry her. tell her it won't work if she can't trust you and if she can't, then maybe you should both just call it off and move on. it'd be tough but i don't see your marriage lasting if this is such an issue beforehand.

    basically, if you keep forgiving her, she'll never learn and you'll end up unhappy and frustrated. that's my advice, she better shape up or both of you should go your separate ways.
     
  3. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    If she is insecure then you shouldnt be getting married...PERIOD. Marriage is completely about trust, without trust there is no relationship. I have no problem with my wife going through anything of mine, and vice versa, but its never necessary.

    Jealousy and insecurity happens from time to time, we are all human, but to actually be an insecure person shows she has no trust in you. Cancel the engagement, seek counseling together, and if there is progress then you can plan on getting together again.

    Why are you even engaged if you know she cant trust you? Most of the time people's insecurities stem from there own personalities. With cheating, the main reason people think thier partner is cheatin on them is because deep down, if it where them, they would be cheating.
     
  4. low20

    low20 Member

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    myspace is a relationship killer...it really is....people read that, not knowing what context it was meant in and its taken the wrong way and then it starts a big fight and ends up meaning nothing at all, and then you just ended up offending the person, showing them u dont trust them cuz u were snooping around. if you want my honest opinion, do not marry someone that doesnt fully trust you. seriously. most likley she thinks that marrige will finally lock you in and then you will definatley be hers and you will not cheat cuz ur locked in. its twisted. if you marry someone who doesnt trust you your doomed. maybe you guys should check out some pre marrige counsiling or something to help out. im sure ur not completley doomed and u dont need to cut it off, but maybe some help before u tie the knot woulndt be such a bad idea ya know?
     
  5. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    People kill relationships, and may look for something to blame...but myspace isnt to blame. Its just a social network. My wife and I both have myspaces, and so do many other couples that have successful relationships. Its sad people will place blame on anything but themselves.
     
  6. cgnmd0819

    cgnmd0819 New Member

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    I guess I have a couple of questions--one being how has she been raised up.. has her father just taken off and hasn't been around.. has her father left without telling people where he's going.. is there family issues that may make her feel that way... or even maybe she has soo many insecurities because she has low self-esteem, depression, or not receiving enough attention? Have you ever given the hint that you were looking in a different direction--trying to even find yourself (sexuality or even that you wanted to see what else is out there?)

    well anywho, I would say--if she has issues within herself--have her get help and postpone the marriage deal-simply because if she's not happy with herself, she's just going to bring you down with her.. and she already seems to be doing that by accusing you of cheating..

    I know that everyone has there reasons why they are insecure.. but from my experience.. this is how I can relate to this..
     
  7. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    While this may all have its play on how she feels, it still doesnt mean he has to marry her and put up with it. If she has problems in the past that cause her to have trust issues then she needs to seek counseling, not take it out on someone who truly loves her.

    Men are always going to look. Any man that says otherwise is a liar, and anyone who doesnt understand this is delusional. Its nature to look, and its going to happen. Trust means that they look and don't touch.
     
  8. opie

    opie hi. OT Supporter

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    her dad left as she was just a baby.

    Of course I look at other girls, I'm a guy.

    ... i don't know what to do.
     
  9. low20

    low20 Member

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    i didnt mean it in that way, what i mean is the people who are not trusting or are insecure sometimes "snoop" on myspace and make issues of things that are said or done on there and it will lead to problems or breakups.
     
  10. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    I got ya. Its something else for insecure people to use against each other...

    Sucks its that way, but i dont think that will change.
     
  11. cgnmd0819

    cgnmd0819 New Member

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    well what she has learned her whole life is going to taker her time to learn that all men aren't like that...

    I can be insecure at times too but its the way I was raised... not too mention after finding out that my bf was exploring... that pushed me just like over the edge...
     
  12. opie

    opie hi. OT Supporter

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    What do you mean exploring? I mean I look at other girls and I'll say they are cute but that's about it.
     
  13. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Remember you have to FIND compatibility, not force it.
     
  14. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Good. If you are comfortable enough and trust your partener this really should strengthen your relationship. My wife and I do the same thing. When she points out other guys she thinks are cute, I just think "damn, you picked me over that...hell yea!" I know she isnt going to leave me, thats not even an issue. Its been like that since we started daiting. It really helps build up each others ego and self esteem. But I guess each person is different... :dunno:
     
  15. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    If you have never done anything to make her feel uncomfortable or leary of cheating then no, you shouldnt marry her. Sometimes people do things, granted they are cheating in the sense of having sex with someone else, but something like emotionally cheating, which can lead to founded insecurity as well. They dont realize what they are doing, or identify it as wrong, but it is unfair. If you are innocent of all of that, once again, dont marry her.
     
  16. -argonaut-

    -argonaut- New Member

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    1.) You never tell your girl that another is "cute" unless it is to go on to say "...but not as cute as you.";
    2.) If you're really into this girl to the point of planning on marrying her within the near future, you should'nt be checking out other girls and giving commentary on them anyway! (This alone would both warrant and justify her feelings of doubt as it is considered a subconscious signal that you're not done looking for what you want though you should be since you're getting married to her);
    3.) Worse case scenario..., she's just as much a player as you seem to think that you are and she's "transferring" her feelings of guilt onto you because she's out checking out (or even doing) the scenery herself.

    Get your shit together if this is what you want and make sure that it is what she wants because "doubt" is the easiest road to "infidelity".
     
  17. cgnmd0819

    cgnmd0819 New Member

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    exploring meaning... looking in a different direction.. orientation wise...
     
  18. Fiya

    Fiya Guest

    ok, in all seriousness. if you love this girl, especially enough to marry her, you need to sit down and have a serious conversation about this. you need to ask her what it will take for her to trust you.

    other than that, the only thing that comes to mind is 187745Maury.
     

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