Need Some advice..

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by NVMY03GT, Jan 2, 2006.

  1. NVMY03GT

    NVMY03GT New Member

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    Alright normally I'm hanging out in the Freaky Shiat forum, but I figured I could bring this to the table in this forum.

    Wifey and I have been having some problems, and last night it kind of hit me kind of hard. We had a son about 5 months ago, and since then well our sex life has not been the same.. Mainly because of me, Not that I have not wanted to but in fear that things can happen again. THis month I was actually looking at getting a Vasectomy <sp>. We've tried birth control, meaning condoms, but the problem is they don't fit well on me, the last time we had one, well it ended up coming off and getting lost if you know what I mean, that alone was scary enough, I mean if those things get too lost you have to have surgery and well thats just bad news.. So, our next trial is Spermacide which goes in her, which we haven't tried yet. Mainly because you have to wait like 10 mins before it goes effective etc. At this pooint I am ready to explode, last night we were messing around, and she was like Go in the bathroom and finish yourself, I said no I can't just do that.. Number one it makes her feel like shit, and number 2, you just don't do that shit on command :(

    I guess bottom line, is what do I do, I am nervous about having another child. The pill or patch are out of the question, because its lik $40 a month, and we don't have ti right now with a child. Plus we are behind on medical bills as it is.

    She is depressed to no end and not sleeping well, and I know all this stuff leads together with me, because if she isn't shown affection it boils right?

    Alright, I'm at work so Im sure Ill check this again this evening at some point.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2006
  2. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    Are you saying that you don't like being a dad? So you don't want another kid? Or is it because this one is so difficult? Or that you want to wait a while?

    Your answer will most likely dictate what you choose to do about getting yourself fixed. I would recommend against sterilization if you may want another kid later. It's not really reversable. It would seem that you could master your own hormones for a little.

    As for the spermicide, don't do it without a condom. Hubby and I tried it years ago, I've never seen him hop around in so much agony. He named it "Penis Flame On", it burned so much and so long.

    As for finishing yourself off, I think you gotta get over it, man. You posted that it makes your wife feel like shit? Oh please, she told you to go...it really makes YOU feel like shit. You're ready to explode but you just can't do that shit on command? Do you realize how you've contradicted yourself?? You sound like a teenager who is letting the little head rule the roost. Maybe you decided once you stopped being a teenager that you'd stop masterbating...too bad, sounds like it may be your best bet in the circumstance, at least for a while.

    And maybe, just maybe, you're being a little self centered here. Maybe she's being depressed over all the changes in her life, her body, her hormones, as a result of the birth. Not because she can't have sex with you. Or at least not all. And showing affection can be done in so many ways, not just sexually. It can be a caress on the arm, or drawing a bath and taking the baby for she can get 30 minutes of downtime. That may warm her heart more than anything. And who is to say with this type of foreplay that you won't come up with creative ways to stimulate each other.
     
  3. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Why not check with planned parenthood to see if you qualify for reduced price pills? Or look into getting an IUD. There is just a one time fee and no monthly copays like with the pill.
    There are plenty of options available out there for you ;)
    I know how hard your situation might be, and I'm not saying for you to have unprotected sex with her, but you CAN still show her affection without having intercourse! That is something that is very important for you to do now. I know you guys don't spend a whole lot of time together due to working the opposite shifts (my husband and I still do that too) so that is when you have to make the most of the time you DO have together.
    Good luck!
     
  4. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Just from reading his other posts and talking with him for a little while, they have some financial problems that really seem to be bringing both of them down. They also work opposite shifts, have this young son that he seemed to be very unsure of himself caring for, and rarely see each other.

    BTW- I do completely agree with what you say ;)
     
  5. NVMY03GT

    NVMY03GT New Member

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    NONONONO.. I want to make very clear, I am happy to be a father, I love my son more than life itself I think.. He is an awesome baby. I just think with the complications we had during this pregnancy, we need to just stick with the one child.
     
  6. NVMY03GT

    NVMY03GT New Member

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    Ah 03 White ZX3 you know me too well ;)

    I've gained a lot of confidence in caring for my son. Everyday is a new experience with him. He is teething now so that brought on new fun stuff hehe :) No really folks I love my son to death seriously. Thats not why Im doing the "snip" I'm doing it because I think we both agree that we want one child. Her pregnancy was a rough one..
     
  7. NVMY03GT

    NVMY03GT New Member

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    Will Check on the reduced Pill things.

    I never knew Spermacide would burn?? That could be a life saver YIKES!!!..

    As for the IUD, we thought about doing something like that, the problem is, they put something in her during the pregnancy and it.. Um Well it got lost. Our fear is if they do this IUD thing.. that wlel it may just disappear and noone know anything about it again.. You know?
     
  8. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I'm glad to hear that you're gaining some confidence with him. I knew you would ;)
    So what about the other suggestions that I mentioned? Looking into different types of birth control besides the pill or going to Planned Parenthood?
    Another great thing to do is to call her doctor and explain the situation. MOST doctors are willing to provide pill 'samples' that will last for months if they know you are having troubles financialy.

    edit: nevermind I saw you just responded
     
  9. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest


    What do you mean they put something in her during pregnancy and lost it? :ugh:


    I would imagine that to be near impossible with an IUD. An IUD is a t-shaped thing that is inserted into the uterous through the vagina/cervix. The only place it can go besides the uterous is to slip back into the cervix (which mine did after 6 years- but I had 6 years of free and effective birth control!) and possibly fall out (but I think the chances of it falling out are very very slim).
    What does her doctor say?
     
  10. NVMY03GT

    NVMY03GT New Member

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    The thing that "got lost" was something to help induce her labor not sure what the tech term for it was, but they were just kind of like "Whoops" Okay from a doctor I don't like that term.

    Maybe an IUD might be the way to go if its almost full proof, Ill have to see what my insurance covers, problems is since we are behind on the Medical Bills and what not its going to be a matter of trying to get someone to do it, since I think that is Surgery related no?
     
  11. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    No. It's just a doctor's visit. It takes just a couple of minutes to insert it.
     
  12. NVMY03GT

    NVMY03GT New Member

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    Really? I thought this was a Surgery driven process.. HMMM..

    I was reading about it online, and it seems this may be the answer.. :idea:
     
  13. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    Sounds more like you BOTH need to go in to see planned parenthood together. You've got a lot of issues to discuss in terms of your future and what your economic options are. If you know that putting your spouse through another pregnancy is not really an option, then getting snipped is a viable idea...it would be your turn and she just might appreciate your willingness to pitch in. However, there is no going back

    On the other hand, she might get pregnant on the IUD. There are risks. The way the IUD works is that it prevents the embryo from implanting. Or at least it should.

    Oh heck, everything has risks. Yep, I stand by my 2 cents...schedule a time both of you can go in to talk to the doc
     
  14. NVMY03GT

    NVMY03GT New Member

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    Everything does have risks, hell breathing the outside air of Cincinnati has risks :)

    As for pitching in, I think she is still on the fence of another child.. She likes the idea, of being 40 or 45, and our current child being grown up, I mean lets face it, at 40 or 45, you still have your entire life to live, you can travel the world if you wanted.

    I don't know I might investigate this IUD as it buys us a bunch of time.

    I've heard so many stories on being snipped, I didn't even know you have to go through consultation??? Is it the same for an IUD??
     
  15. NVMY03GT

    NVMY03GT New Member

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    So this IUD thing, reading more on it. Apparently Insurance doesn't cover a lot of it.. And if her body were to reject it, apparently it's a couple thousand to remove it?? WTF?
     
  16. NVMY03GT

    NVMY03GT New Member

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    Ah... and it gets worse.. Wifey is totally PISSED with me today.. She left me a nasty IM, basically telling me she will find a way to satisy herself, since I'm being "neglectful" She said I always find a way not to commit to a sexual act. Part of that is true, but at the same time I have my worries, such as this pregnancy thing, and the fact since we haven't had intercourse it probably 2 months, at this point if we do anything, I would last all of 10 seconds probably.
     
  17. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    An IUD is more effective than a tubal litigation ;)
    Of course there are risks with it just like everything else.
    It's NOT a couple thousand to remove it. Removal is even shorter than insertion. My last insurance didn't cover removal either though.
    I seriously think you need to sit down with your wife and have a long talk about everything.
     
  18. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Yes, you have to have more than one appointment for an IUD (usualy). Again though, if you talk to your doctor and explain the situation they ARE usualy willing to help!
     
  19. NVMY03GT

    NVMY03GT New Member

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    Talk about which part.. The preventive pregnancy, or us?
     
  20. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    everything ;)
     
  21. NVMY03GT

    NVMY03GT New Member

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    Bad ZX3 Your not helping me :)
     
  22. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    You know, you can satisfy her...


    I don't beleive I'm going to say this...





    Mark this day down on the calendar....






    You can always do it IDB....
     
  23. NVMY03GT

    NVMY03GT New Member

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    IDB???

    Yikes - - She wouldn't do it.. I know her better than that, although she is dying for it "That way" Although I think she'd have to spring for the Clear Heels for that one :)
     
  24. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    What do you expect?
    I'm sorry, but I seriously think that the two of you need to sit down and get some things figured out. Very few things in marriage and parenthood are easy and don't require effort.
    You said it yourself, she is depressed. You CAN be apart of the solution instead of the problem ;)
     
  25. NVMY03GT

    NVMY03GT New Member

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    Good pt.. A lot of her depression though stems from outside of me, and Im not making exscuses, Bi-polarness runs in her family, her Dad has it and her sister has it. This can be corrected Via medication, however she refuses to take medication, being that her upbringing she watched her parents do medications that were not exactly legal and become addicted to them, so you see what I'm fighting on this.
     

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