SRS Need some advice, I'm losing my relationship!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by xtreme99, Jul 13, 2006.

  1. xtreme99

    xtreme99 New Member

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    I thought this would be fitting for a first post on OT. I've been lurking in this forum quite a bit and noticed that everyone here always has good advice to give.

    I'm 19, and my girlfriend just turned 18. We have been together for roughly 6 months.

    Basically, I have an anger problem that I have trouble controlling. I get pissed off at little things, and I tend to punch walls, I shattered the windshield of my truck, broke 2 knuckles one time. Sometimes it's worse than others, but its not always that bad. Usually it is because of Arizona's horrible drivers. I tend to get pissed off very easily when driving, since I've been in 4 not at fault accidents, and two were with illegals that didn't have insurance or even registration. That's another story though. My girlfriend is scared that I'm going to either piss the wrong person off, or Im gonna lose it and hit her. I could never touch a lady, and I never have in the past. But it's still something that concerns her.

    Last night, she told me she was having doubts about us, mainly because of the way I act. She said she's still in love with me, and she still loves me, but doesn't know if she can go on in a relationship like this. She also told me about other problems I had that were hard for her to deal with. I always seem to think something is wrong. I constantly ask her if something is wrong, or if something's bugging her, and I ask to the point where she gets irritated. We always worked through it, and every time I think back on it, I realize that I shouldn't have been asking her so much, and that nothing was wrong to begin with.

    So last night, after we talked, she told me she would give me another chance, but for now, we couldn't see eachother as much. She's leaving for California for two weeks on Saturday, so it'll be a while before I actually do see her again. I figure this is a good time for us to be apart, and it will give me time to fix what I've done wrong in the past. She told me that I'm still going to be the first one to see her when she gets back, and she still wants to come over and stay with me the night she gets back.

    OT, what can I do to control my anger problem? I don't want to lose this girl. She means alot to me, so I need to change up some things in my life. She told me she didn't want to try to change me, but I want to change to be a better person for her. Do you think I've already lost her?
     
  2. Broken5hift

    Broken5hift New Member

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    i dont think youve already lost her, but your damn close.

    Anger problems are tough, they stem from deep mental things sometimes beyond our control. have you ever thought of going to anger management? it may sound corny but the lessons they practice in there really do work. For instance when you get upset about something ask yourself "is it going to matter in 30 mins?" like if she says something or something happens that pisses you off now but you know will be over it soon, something small. it forces you to stop yourself from just exploding with WHAT THE FUCK and going on a rampage slugging shit and starts you in the process of "ok, this happened, move on".

    I used to have anger issues as well, and at times i still do. but what really helped me was 1. meditation 2. stopping myself to evaluate the situation, and 3. realizing im making things worse by not letting it go.

    your anger issues can and will end your relationships. asking her whats wrong shows your inner self is worried your losing her, so instead of being worried about it all the time try refocusing yourself to thinking of things you can do to make her happy, then you will know she isnt upset with anything. sounds pretty simple right? well it is. good luck.
     
  3. XPX

    XPX New Member

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    If you are willing to cooperate it would do good to both of you if you take an Anger Management therapy. At least you are fully aware that you have that little problem and you want to do better, to me that's a great first step. :bigthumb:

    I also get angry when I'm driving but each time I get mad I end up feeling physically sick so I've decided that I will not bother that much, it hurts me and doesn't fix the situation. You can think about it this way, you can't fix the other stupid drivers and with your reactions you are only hurting yourself.

    Like I said, you are already into doing better. Props to you! :)
     
  4. xtreme99

    xtreme99 New Member

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    Thanks for the advice! I don't even know where to start with anger management, but google is a good tool. At least I know that I have the next couple weeks to work on this and really think about the advice I'm getting here.
     
  5. Broken5hift

    Broken5hift New Member

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    there are classes everywhere. usually at therapy centers, colleges, institutions, anywhere with any kind of medical or academic background.
     
  6. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Another one where the girl is leaving on a trip! Let us know what happens when she gets back.
     
  7. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

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    Anger management would be a good place to start, and it would reassure your girlfriend that you do care about her, since you are doing something about your problems. Keep in mind that if she's told you that she's going to give you another chance, she will give you another chance. However, the fact that she's had to tell you means that you might be pretty close to losing her..
    Good luck :)
     
  8. xtreme99

    xtreme99 New Member

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    Yeah I know what you mean about losing her. The problem was that she never really told me about any of this until now. I thought everything was fine, and out of nowhere, she just popped up and told me this. She also said though that recently it's gotten worse, and I was never like this before. I know she's not interested in anyone else. Im really good friends with her cousin, and she tells her cousin EVERYTHING, so she would definately tell me if my girl was interested in someone else. She's also not that type. She said she had no intention of even thinking about other people, so I'm still staying hopeful and not getting TOO stressed right away.
     
  9. Kytro

    Kytro I am become death, shatterer of worlds

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    I agree talking to a professional will help.

    Biggest challange with anger management is getting your brain to engage before the emotion takes over. If you interrupt your response, it gives you time to prevent going over the top.

    You may still be pissed off, but not enough to yell and break things.
     
  10. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

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    Staying relaxed is good; I was in a position similar to yours a while ago. And the 'not telling you about any of this' also happened to me; a bit of a shock. But again, the fact that she's told you and not left you shows that she still has hopes of making it work, and that in turn means that nothing you've done has removed her feelings for you, (otherwise she wouldn't want to make it work). So do the anger management, try your best to calm down, and somehow indirectly make sure she knows that your trying your best, (so that she feels reassured that you also want to make it work).
    Best of luck to you!
     
  11. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Don't kid yourself. You have no idea what is going on in her head right now. You didn't know that she felt this way until she sprang it upon you "suddenly" even though it's been bothering her for a long time. If she is getting close to the point where she is about to call it quits with you then she could very well be looking to see what else is out there. Give her some credit. If she sees what could possibly be the end of you two, she's has more foresight then to only be looking that far. She's looking further into the future than that and is at least considering what it would be like. And she doesn't tell her cousin EVERYTHING. She probably tells them a lot but not EVERYTHING. And even if she did, do you think her cousin tells you EVERYTHING? Nope.
     

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