SRS Need some advice: Best friend and I are always arguing.. (long story)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Faghot, May 5, 2009.

  1. Faghot

    Faghot We had one foot on the gas& one foot in the grave, OT Supporter

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    Best friend and I have been freinds for 8 years. We never argued, we were pretty much alike so i guess since we're both laid back, we didn't really make a big deal out of any disagreements or whatever. We do not live in the same state.

    She went through some traumatic things that she kind of told me about. All of her friends locally have left her and she's having a rough time. I try to be there for her by listening. I tell her that I don't understand completely what she's been through. I tell her that I can tell her about my personal issues that were somewhat similar and how I dealt with them and if they help her- cool, if they don't- that's cool too. I always make sure to tell her that I don't want to tell her what to do. I just want to make sure she knows that I know where she's coming from sometimes.

    She went through some abusive things with her boyfriend-which I can nver understand, but her issues wth her friends are all things that I have dealt with. Similar situations and whatnot.

    She snaps at me about eerything, even when we aren;t talking about her problems. I told her how I love dogs and how it's easy for me to get along with them and she, a cat person, felt like I was attacking her. I looked at that conversation ten times and did not find anything i sai that could have been offensive in any way. :hs: She snaps at me constantly for little things like that, she feels like I am making her do things, but all I do is tell her situations i've been in and what i've done. I tell her that it may or may not work for her, but she still thinks i'm being mean. :rolleyes:

    She snaps at me and says hurtful things towards me. She made a nasty comment about how I'll just end up marrying my boyfriend and being a stay at home mom. But in all the years that we've been friends, all I do is express to her how I NEVER want to be that. :ugh2:

    Lately I made a comment on her new photo on MySpace and said "you're so milky lol"- her skin looked milky and white. I always thought having milky skin was a GOOD thing. It was just a stupid comment and she instantly texted me something along the lines of "i always feel like your comments to me are unvieled insults" :ugh:

    All I ever do is compliment her and try to bring up her self esteem.

    Now she hasn't talked to me for days, ignores my texts and phone calls, and does that stupid girl shit where she talks about you in a survey or online, but doesn;t use your name, but makes sure you know who it is. :hsugh::hsugh:

    I don't know what to do. I'm actually upset that she thinks her best friend is being mean to her. Why would I be mean, i'm your fucking friend. How does this make sense?

    women.:squint: any advice?
     
  2. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    Have you tried telling her the same thing you just posted?
     
  3. Faghot

    Faghot We had one foot on the gas& one foot in the grave, OT Supporter

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    yep. i told her she's pushing me away and she's being defensive and she agreed. she apologized for the boyfriend-housewife comment but she does things like that all the time now.

    i told her it's unfair for her to treat me like the bad guy when i have no association with her local friends and i've been trying my best to be supportive.

    this was two days before the 'milky' comment. she got super upset and is ignoring me, so i can't even talk it out with her.
     
  4. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    faghot, I am that friend you're talking about. I don't quite know how to explain my behavior of pushing friends away too. Maybe I can offer a little of my perspective, as difficult it is to rationalize my behavior.

    I remember my buddy of 8+ years (who lives in another city) jokingly talking about how life's good for him and I snapped and went off on how he thinks he's some big shot living the life. But it was mostly because I was lonely and my life wasn't panning out the way I wanted it to. I was just jealous because I was miserable.

    But in the end, I apologized and me and him are good now.

    BTW, I'm a guy.
     
  5. Faghot

    Faghot We had one foot on the gas& one foot in the grave, OT Supporter

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    :hs: How long did it take you to apologize or realize your mistake? She tells me she's sorry about snapping at me constantly, but I told her I was tired of dealing with someone who treats me like a bad person. I guess I made her feel like I gave up on her in a sense. How would you deal with a comment like that from a close friend of yours?

    i myself have issues with friends and pushing them away. i push them away because I constantly feel like no one understand me, my humor, my personality, etc. I push good people away just because I see them as stupid, childish, or just because i am miserable and want to be alone.

    I've always been this way and she's always been the one person who gets me. We're completely alike and that's why we have never argued once in all the years we have known each other. I really do consider her family and I call her my sister. I don't want to lose that. However... I feel like I am causing more harm than good by talking to her when she is upset, if that makes sense. :hs:
     
  6. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    You're a good friend who's trying. That's all you can do.

    I have abandonment issues. When I was 15 and moved to America, a lot of friends I grew up with constantly wrote to me. I was happy to know that I was still in their thoughts. Then the letters slowly dwindled. I guess they were too busy with their lives to bother anymore. One friend even said "long distance friendships don't work". I was distraught.

    Fast forward to now, when I see my friends trickle away, I look at who I have left and decide that instead of waiting for them to abandon me, I'll abandon them first. I will push them away, I will move away someplace else.

    I don't know if this is what your friends unconciously doing but that's what I *think* causes me to isolate myself. I'm slowly coming to grips that friends, even best friends, come and go, it's just a sad part of life.
     

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