SRS Need serious help!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by mrflicharger, Jan 4, 2009.

  1. mrflicharger

    mrflicharger Put your lips on it

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    The last two years of my life so much has happened. I consider myself to be a very strong person. I have had some really low periods in my life, but I have prevailed. Without getting into too much detail, everything is crashing down around me. I just do not know how to cope anymore.

    My gf insists that I be more positive, it is hard when bad things keep consistently happening. My dad died recently, job issues, health issues, school issues, on an academic suspension, and a few other things. I take Wellbutrin which has helped me cope, and not sure where I'd be without it.

    I am at wits end. I am pretty much ready to throw in the towel. I have lost and continue losing. I just do not know how to cope anymore. :wtc::(:sad2:
     
  2. awkwardjaws

    awkwardjaws New Member

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    Without giving more specific information, there's not much I can say other than hang in there. Step back for a little while, try to take a vacation if you can, but most importantly just look at the beautiful things about you. You obviously have a girlfriend who cares, remember how beautiful she is. Just be happy for today, and how much stronger you'll be after you work through this.You still alive, and things could be so much worse. You're lucky to have as much as you do, and you need to appreciate it, dont take it for granted.
     
  3. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Keep your physical activity up. If you sit around indoors, you're not getting the stimulation you'll need to change your outlook. You can't shelter yourself from the pain, you have to work through i t.
     
  4. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Be more positive? Absolutely not. I insist that you feel what you feel. You're really struggling right now, how is that "ok"? You can't simply not feel what you do, when it's clear that many of those events can't be solved immediately by your own will.

    Your father passed, that's really a big life changing event for most people! You may still be grieving, and that's normal!

    I'm not sure what is happening with your job, or if you even have one, but times are really tough right now economically. We need financial support, especially when struggling with health problems!

    Health issues? That's serious! How can you expect to function and compete with the world if health problems are interfering with your ability to survive or thrive? That's difficult, that's not an illusion to be minimized and washed away by ignoring how it's affecting you.

    And clearly you're suffering from other problems. The best you can do is attack this problem from two angles. Both angles are practical. First, you accept how you're feeling, do not attempt to impose some sort of emotional cover up, it'll just deplete your energy further and then make you feel guilt when you can't hold it in and it begins seeping out.

    The second is attempt to alter your environment. You're clearly stretched far too thin. You're no longer "stressed" -- which is what we all experience in the world, but you've moved into "negative stress territory" which is called "Distress." That's a danger zone! When survival is threatened by events, something has to give.

    So, school may need to be reconciled by discontinuing it with medical care, or by working with the disability center.

    Relationship: If a relationship with your girlfriend -- who insists you think positive -- is causing you stress, it's best to decrease that stress by decreasing the time spent together. You can decrease it without being disrespectful. If decreasing time together isn't something she understands -- which she will if she cares about you -- then it'll be just fine. If she cares more about herself, then there will be a problem, in which case you'll already know how to reconcile that.

    Job: Obviously you may be having difficulty here in a lot of areas. All you can do is your best. If your best causes you distress, you may have to settle for less in order to balance other needs.

    Health: You've got to be your own advocate. Study up on your situation if you haven't already. Get the best medical care you can afford by choosing the best doctor you can contact. If you can't do more than you're already doing, and functioning is difficult, this is a priority that must be focused on at the expense of some other problems -- including personal relationships.

    I've covered as much as I can. Coping with such significant stress is not easy. I recommend obviously trying to alter your environment and your internal mental perspective to "realistically" suit what you're truly feeling, not just what you think you should be feeling, or by what others tell you that you should be feeling.

    If you still have difficulty, you must cut activities. This isn't pleasant, but you have to be able to cope to survive. Meditation may help, taking 30 minutes per day at a specifically designated time, that regardless of what is going on around you (Unless emergencies), you should care for yourself. Other programs include relaxation activities, exercise (moderate to mild, walking, simple cardio), as well as possibly further mental health care.
     
  5. mrflicharger

    mrflicharger Put your lips on it

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    Ok I just didn't want to get too personal on here. So I will put out a little more. Thanks for the responses so far.

    I work in healthcare. I like the job. There's a little bit of office politics that I do not like, but you get that everywhere. I am 32 years old putting myself through college, and working full-time. I have a chronic illness, but not disabled, it does offer some challenges in life. The job doesn't pay enough. I know I should be grateful I have a job in this economy. I work to live in an apt I can barely afford, and I am trying to pay off debt and get some things accomplished.

    Last semester I was on academic probation because the spring semester I burnt out. Demands from my job were high and I had school so I withdrew. Fall semester I was on probation. When my dad passed away, I just didn't have it anymore. I was required to get out to get a 2.5 GPA for the term to get off probation. I received a 2.46. That is 2 B's and 2 C's. I was happy with that because at some point after he passed I wanted to drop because I couldn't handle everything at once, but I prevailed and finished.

    My gf likes to say well things are easy for her either. I say to her I am not you. You have not lived my life. This is coming from someone who if it came to it, her parents would be there to catch her. Mine would not. No one has and is giving me anything.

    I just recieved notice of academic suspension due to that. The reasons are obvious why I am upet about that.

    Am I over his death? No. Do I have any real self-worth? Not sure.

    The issue is I have had a life of disparity. Every step I have taken to better myself, I have had to call completely before I could get back up, and overcome major setbacks to get there.

    I know many ppl have problems, but the consistency in bad things happening before they get remotely better is killing me.
     
  6. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I understand exactly where you're coming from. I insist you follow the advice in my previous post. You can't obviously change everything, or even anything right this moment -- but you have to give yourself enough air to breath, or you'll suffocate. You'll suffocate trying to get to the very place where you're trying to thrive! Life should not be a matter of mere surviving!

    Right now is all we have, and you need more than arguments and failed attempts to fly -- as Jon Foreman writes. You need to make adjustments by removing some of the obstacles that are harming you.

    I think you have self-worth, and I think that because of what you've said. I think it feels like you're losing it, or that you don't have any, primarily because you're feeling trapped and unable to lower expectations in order to fulfill needs over wants.

    I know changing apartments may be difficult or an idea you don't want to accept, but it's one possibility. It's something to consider. Schooling may not be in your best interest right now. Grieving and other primary needs should come first, in my opinion.

    I really do feel that to remove yourself from this rock/hard place means letting go of somethings for now. It doesn't mean you failed or that you're a loser. Remember, Thomas Edison said when asked "How did you cope with failure while searching for solutions to your incandescent light?" To which Edison replied "I never failed, I merely found 1,000 ways how "not" to create the incandescent light bulb."

    Eventually, if you follow the "Easy Dose It" slogan, you'll realize that slowing things down and extending them over longer periods of time, can provide you a realistic way of both coping with your primary needs and with goals.

    Be kind to yourself, you're not invincible or unbreakable. You know all of this. Eventually, you'll do these things when you're ready, so it's not as if there is anything new here.

    I understand, more than I'd like. No giving up, but no unrealistic expectations either!
     
  7. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    :hsugh:

    This is the part in so many lives where you just drop everything and simplify to the point where you have nothing. Nothing at all is easy to manage. Self worth becomes easier to muster.

    If you can't feel good about the load your carrying maybe some small change can make it easier to bear.
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I know about it and its an aspect on something that a lot of woman fail to give their guy the understanding he needs. When a man says i am having such a hard time they don't want to hear from the girl, im having a bad time too. They want love and the girl to sympathize with their man.

    I think you need to make it clear to her that you want her love and sympathy.

    But there's more to it. Stop working for charity and start working for money. Change your job into something that PAYS. Why?, because first you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. This means that your financial income must be secured before you go out to lend out a helping hand. Or in other words, you have to live life for yourself and help others along the way.

    In life ,you've got to make something good out of something bad. Let me give you an example.

    A huge army of life problems comes and destroys your castle, everything is in ruins, there are 2 things you can do, cry over the ruins, or rebuild your castle to the point your defenses are so huge that the life problems cannot enter it any more. And keep rebuilding until its strong enough to keep them out.

    You see life isn't so much about winning or losing, its about continueing on even when you only lose in life, you learn from those experiences so you still gain. Of course you try to avoid that things will become ruined, but you keep working hard and using your mind to provide yourself with the best life, in life you can only try your best.
     

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