Need relationship help

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by daniel6718, Oct 21, 2008.

  1. daniel6718

    daniel6718 New Member

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    hope yall guys read i really need some help

    ok story is i been with this girl for 3.5 years...im 20 shes 21...i love her to death...
    there has been a few instances(2) in the past over these 3.5 years that i caught her hanging with some guys she used to be friends with in highschool. one was actually her ex and it was a few weeks after we got together...supposively he was goana commit suicide so his mom asked my gf to come by...it was only like an hour and she was honest about it...
    we grew together quickly and became very confy around eachother over the next year..nothing much happened, about 2.5 into our relationship she told me a friend was comming in town from college and he wanted to eat...he was family friends and even though i said no and she told me no he did come by and have dinner nothing that bad...i did find out and caught her and confronted her about it she then became honest and told me everything and i forgave....
    fastforoward till about 3.0 years in she started complaining i wasnt treating her good....i didnt think nothing of it but she does do a lot for me im very busy sometimes and im kinda self centered. she always brought me food if i was busy...she always came to my house ect.
    now about 2 weeks ago on tuesday and wed she was in a bad mood and very quiet, i tried to talk to her but she was snappy so i just let it go figured she wasnt feeling good or something....at the end of the night wed she said we needed a break...she said she wasnt being treated the way she wanted to be/deserved to be...
    well i kinda let it go but was texting her wanting to talk it out..i told her a break would do no good...friday night i finally i got to talk to her for a little bit and stayed up 3-4 hours on the phone we talked abotu a bunch of our problems i promised to treat her better and do more for her...saturday went over there and we had a great day..i bought her dinner we hung out watched movies gave her bunch of attention, sunday the same, monday she came by we had a good night...tuesday was good...sex life was as good as when the relationship started....then wed she was busy and didnt come by...thursday/fri/sat/sun she didnt either..i knew something was up...she gave me excuses everyday...

    well me and her are pretty open and we have eachother email paswords and myspace..so i got on her email and saw she got a myspace message...went to myspace saw it and it was her talking to another guy, they talked about hangin out...and how they "felt sparks between them"...and how they were "showing affection to eachother"...(hes got a gf also) well i found this and i sent her a message and said we were over...next morning she acted shocked and asked me why.. i told her because of that guy and what she was doing she crossed the line...flirting i could understand but shes been lying and now being "affectionate"" whatever that means...
    btw the way she meet this guy is her dad rides bikes and he brought this guy by the house i think, then that thursday of our first break she went with him to a bike get together and im sure they saw eachother then

    well i know i want her...she was great to me..so i been trying to get her to talk to me, and sending her sweet stuff again...and she isnt responding back to me much at all...and acts like she has no feelings about this...but her and this guy on myspace put matching "electric moods" that was eating me away i asked her to change it and she did...so i know she cares some still....funny thing is when we were on the break i was working and couldent answer somtimes and she was very pissed and she was telling me that i was going to ruin this (as in she didnt want it to be over)


    my question to you guys is what do i do? give her space? im worried they might get into a relationship and i would lose her...if i keep fighting im goana get burned out...i kinda already am...im gettin nothing back and basically begging her to call me or let me come by to see eachother and talk....we were just doing great after our break, as good as ever before then all the sudden gone......
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2008
  2. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    why did you tell her she wasn't allowed to see her friend who was coming into town? :hsugh::hsugh:
     
  3. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    You smothered her and now she's looking for a way out. Live and learn
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Was gonna tell you to end it with her, but you already did. Good for you!

    The signs were there, but the email about cheating on you with someone else who was also cheating...ugh. No one needs a person that disrespectful in their life.
     
  5. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    she sounds like me and like viper said to me I am in the perfect position for cheating, this is what's happening to her now!

    I don't know what your guys issues were, but obviously you did it wrong at some parts and now she has less feeling about you and probably thinking of breaking up!

    what did they say to each other on myspace exactly? was that a simple flirting or somthing bigger?
     
  6. daniel6718

    daniel6718 New Member

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    i added more guys...the other times she came clean and was very honest...the first one she didnt try to hide she told me about the second was fine...
    she wanted to hang out with this guy comming in town she said she didnt want to THEN i said i didnt want her to either...but she said she wasnt first...
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Too little too late.

    You can't forbid your girlfriend, or any woman for that matter, to hang out with other men. You some off extremely insecure and unattractive every time you act like she's cheating on you for talking to a guy. You are young and she's your first serious long term relationship, yet you still have a lot to learn.

    The fact that she told you you were treating her badly and you "thought nothing of it" is a huge :uh: That's pretty much where you fucked yourself. When a woman tells you she feels neglected she is likely to cheat on you or leave you. If you ignore it because you are dumb enough to think she's just crazy then you'll never get anywhere in relationships and good luck being that selfish. You took too long to actually communicate with her that you really do care about her and would work on how you treat her.

    Now it's probably too late :dunno: It's most likely for the best since it's a learning experience and you sound too selfish to stay with the same girl for the rest of your life that you started dating at 17. Leave her alone. Let her find someone who really cares about her and doesn't take her for granted.

    Your writing hurts my eyes. I can't believe a 20 year old can make it out of highschool writing this terribly.
     
  8. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Please answer Kiri's question
     
  9. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I don't think English is his first language.
     
  10. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    ask her what her real intentions, feelings and expectations are, if she got cold about you and no feelings, I'm afraid there is nothing you can do. If she wants to give it a chance again, take it and see what happens.
     
  11. daniel6718

    daniel6718 New Member

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    she wanted to hang out with this guy comming in town she said she didnt want to THEN i said i didnt want them going to dinner either...but she said she wasnt first
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :mamoru: I would hope so. I got lost 5 times!
     
  13. daniel6718

    daniel6718 New Member

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    sorry for not punct. guys give me a break...
     
  14. daniel6718

    daniel6718 New Member

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    Thanks for the honest answer!
    I know that i should have changed when she first brought it up. Problem is she simply told me she felt she deserved better treatment, and I didn't know how to do that. Later is when she told me that she wanted just little cute texts randomly.
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Well, I didn't see the part about you asking if you should keep fighting...

    Don't. It's not worth it, it would be very very unlikely that she would take you back, and you need to work on some stuff with yourself before things could actually change.
     
  16. daniel6718

    daniel6718 New Member

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    Well i got ahold of here and talked to her and she seems a lot nicer. That might just be because of our past. I asked her to be real honest even if it hurts me or her i just needed the truth. She said that last week when she wanted a break we rushed back into it and she was unhappy and she still wants some room. I asked her what was going on and she said she wants time to spend with her friends and family (which i never tell her she cant so i know this is a lie) but we do spend just about every free minute together.
    I said we could be together and spend less time together she still says she wants to be apart and have space. She said we could still talk and hang out sometimes but we need time apart.
    She also mentioned she was upset it took this long for me to be like she wanted, and that it took her breaking up with me to get it.

    So basically i didnt get a reason why she wants time apart. I think I know what you guys are goana say, thats just an excuse for it being over. But I told her I would go by her dads and give him her stuff back and she says that I shouldent do that unless I want it to be over for sure???

    What should I do?
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2008
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Just so you know, when a girl wants space and a break it's usually so she can meet other men and figure out what she really wants. Now yes, you pretty much smothered her, but considering the obvious Myspace message that you found I'm willing to bet she's interested in him or others.

    Girls tend to do breaks because they are afraid to let go of their security blanket. In her case you are her security blanket. She's been with you since she was 17/18 years aold so she most likely is coming to a realization right at this moment that she is young in the grand scheme of life, you fucked up, and now there are other men giving her attention that she craves, positive attention.
     
  18. daniel6718

    daniel6718 New Member

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    dammit theres no way to fix this now? i mean she said that this last week was "perfect"

    would it be better to give her space and not talk...or keep trying to communicate with her and be nice and sweet?
     
  19. Mugen92GS-R

    Mugen92GS-R New Member

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    I'll put something serious here in a moment, but for now, I can't stop laughing at how full of fail this thread is :rofl::bowrofl::rofl::bowrofl::rofl:
     
  20. daniel6718

    daniel6718 New Member

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    well yeah i dont wanna hear it...but she wasnt cheating and isnt that type of girl...the email talked about them dancing, he said he had some feelings for her but also said he loved his gf....then they actaully were talking about me and her and he was telling her to make me treat her better
    there was no cheating...just kinda flirty and talking back and forth...somewhere they did hang out for a while and dance though
     
  21. jimmyjoe

    jimmyjoe Across 110th Street, You can find it all in the st

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    Ya, I hate to say it, but I think your relationship with her is over, if you get back together with her, you are not going to trust her to much anymore because of her past dealings with other guys, and you could be way to controlling of what she does when you are not around with her, she is not going to like that at all, and say if you are very trusting of her when she is out with friends, she could be out looking for other guys to get with, you will be thinking that even if she is not doing anything behind your back, it's just not a good situation for you, or her.


    My advise would be find a new girl friend, there are many do's and dont's in realationships, live and learn man!
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    If you want any chance with her you NEED to give her complete space. Let her come to you if she wants. If you keep being nice now when it's too late you're only going to annoy her most likely.
     
  23. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i dont think there is anything to fix at this point. just learn from it. if she tells you that she needs more from you, and you dont know what that means, ask! dont just think nothing of it until she tells you more specifically.

    you are only trying to be all nice and sweet right now cause you are scared to lose her completely. once you had her back, things would return to normal, she would feel neglected and this whole cycle would start all over again. you guys are in that point in your lives where you both are changing and growing up, just let go and move forward with life.
     
  24. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    THIS is your answer?

    :ugh:
     

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