Need OT's insight on the gf/ex-gf

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Jarg0n, Sep 12, 2007.

  1. Jarg0n

    Jarg0n New Member

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    Let's see, where to start.... I'm 25 and she's 23. I'm a college grad and she has about two more years.

    I've read over many stories in this forum, and it seems like you can get some fairly solid advice here.

    I've dated this girl for about a year before we broke up the first time. She's definitely the sweetest girl I've ever met and isn't too crazy. We enjoyed going to the same types of bars, same types of movies, same type of music (really important to me for some reason), and same type of clothes. For the first 6 months or so of the relationship, we were about 1.5 hours apart.

    Once I graduated college, I moved to the same town and we continued dating about 8 months before we broke up. She basically told me that she loved me and got really upset when I just couldn't tell her back, so I ended up breaking up with her, which broke her heart into. We ended up "seeing" each other for about two more months before I told her that we had to move on, which broke her heart again.

    Several months later, we got back together. This time it lasted about 4 months before I had to move overseas, where I am now. I had to make a decision before I left, and again decided that, since (I thought) I didn't love her, it would be best so split so I wouldn't waste any more time. Once I got overseas, I started having second thoughts and am now thinking about possibly getting BACK together when I go home for Christmas. (I'll be over here until late next year.) I might have just got lonely, but I think I have convinced myself that we should be together, partly because she is so sweet and loving, and partly because I don't want to end up dating/marrying a girl that has been with 5+ guys. I'm a conservative I guess.

    The thing that confuses me is the whole "love" thing. I guess I've never really been in "love" before, and am quite confused by it. Both times I broke up with her, it was after a long weekend away where we were in environments where other girls were showing lots of skin. When I got home, I guess I just decided that I could do better. Am I too shallow? I know there will always be other girls that are prettier, but she is probably better looking than me. The only times that she would occasionally go a little crazy is when drinking. She would get really upset after having sex and cry her eyes out because she felt that I would never love her like she loved me.

    The other thing that kind of bothers me is that she isn't as witty-funny as I am. I have a really dry sense of humor and only certain types of people get me. The types of people that do get me think I'm the funniest dude that they know. She thinks I'm funny, but I rarely find herself able to make me laugh me in the same way that I make others laugh. However, sometimes I feel that she's not supposed to be there for my entertainment and I am being too selfish. (geez..this is getting really long..)

    C/N: Really sweet girl and I broke up for the second time. I am confused if I love her or not and if she might be the one for me. We get along great, enjoy the same things, but she doesn't make me laugh as much as I'd like her too. I wonder if I'm being too selfish and asking too much of her. Ball is in my court as to whether get back together or not-I have full control whether I like it or not. I may or may not provide pics depending on if I see users from my area.
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2007
  2. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    in my experience sweet really doesnt cut it.

    let her go man.
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It never ceases to amaze me how ignorant people are when it comes to love and marriage. Here is this girl that you have idealized into the perfect wife. Why? Because she hasn't slept with many other men, you have a few of the same interests, and because "she's the nicest girl you've ever met." That doesn't make a marriage. Fuck, it doesn't even make a happy relationship! You've broken up with this girl a handful of times and she's been dukmb enough to get back with you every single time and every single time you still don't love her. When are you going to wake up and figure out that you just aren't right for one another?

    You are only horny and lonely being by yourself overseas and now tricking yourself into thinking things would be different if you came back. But most likely you'd come home and if you did try to have a relationship again with her you'd realize the feelings just weren't happening and you'd wasted your time once again.

    You sound insecure and superficial. Get over yourself and realize that you and this girl are never going to actually love one another. You've already nit-picked the things you don't even like about her. Stop putting her through your bullshit, and for the love of god don't even act as if you'd ever marry her. When you get home I suggest you get out and meet new women, ASAP.
     
  4. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    You are in a strange place, with no familier comfort, and are missing something that used to provide you with such.
    If you go back to her, you will probably repeat your behaviour, further hurting her, and, as you said, wasting your time.
    Also, if you were to get back together, she will not forget the fact that you have left her twice, and will likely be insecure, and worried, making the relationship suck, for all the reasons relationships with insecure people suck, and further draining her sense of self and self esteem (constantly focusing on 'keeping' you.
    Relationships with exs don't work out as 1. she's an ex for a reason and 2. The previous breakup irevokably changes the dynamics of the relationship
     
  5. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

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    sounds to me like you've already made your decision man. And if you stay with this girl all you'll end up doing is breaking her heart. In your mind your just trying to justify your break up with her. In fact that's why your here now.. justifying your reasons.

    I say don't go back with her and score a better looking girl one that you can be comfortable with, if that's the case that is. which I think it is considering you said it.
     
  6. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    :rofl: Are you kidding me? Girls who are just born have already slept with 5+ guys, keep dreamin man.

    Bring on the pics.
     
  7. Jarg0n

    Jarg0n New Member

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    Well, I don't really agree, but whatever...

    Btw, I appreciate your insight and point of view. Although it might not be the plan of action that I end up taking, it will surely sway my decision...

    Here are a few pics, and there's more in the directory if you want to peruse... I look a lot younger than I really am ;)

    708
    709
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2007
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I had a bad feeling you would be ignorant enough to come back in here and just bypass all the input from everyone telling you to move on...
     
  9. Jarg0n

    Jarg0n New Member

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    I knew someone would think that. I'm not bypassing the input, just keeping an open mind I guess. I do appreciate the advice. It will probably end up swaying my opinion more than I want it to.

    I want to be able to make the decision myself, if that's even possible now. One can't just rely on the semi-blind input of someone off the internet, right? ;)
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2007
  10. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    If you have to really really think if someone is right for you, and then excuses that they are, you should take note to the fact you are giving yourself excuses to stay with them. Not real reasons, just excuses.


    You know thats what 99% of the people that post in here do though. They come looking for answers that they already have, and then reject them just because a stranger said it. Then they come back and say they should have listened. People just don't like hearing what needs to be said sometimes.
     
  11. Jarg0n

    Jarg0n New Member

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    As much as I love to hate myself for admitting it, you are right here. When I was leaving and she was crying in my arms, I felt little motive to not end the relationship. However, after I got over here and I lacked friends and any comforts that I had back in the states, I started having second thoughts and wondering if I had, in fact, made a mistake or if my mind was playing tricks on me. This past week, I think my mind has tricked me into thinking that I had undoubtedly made a mistake and should try to remedy the situation by repeating past mistakes. Now it appears that I'm back to square one.
     
  12. Durka Durka

    Durka Durka Guest

    she's beautiful and you look like a dork.

    for this reason alone i say drop her so she can find someone more attractive.
     
  13. Jarg0n

    Jarg0n New Member

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    Hehe, I can't argue with that.
     
  14. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    from what i'm "feeling" in your message she's a catch but you're simply not in love. one day you'll find someone you will fall for. you can keep her around till then or not. up to you
     
  15. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

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    truth hurts
     
  16. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Stay away from this girl. Not so much even for you, but more-so for her. She does not deserve to be dragged along on your emotional roller-coaster of doubts. You obviously don't love her, or else the mere idea of hurting her would tear you apart.

    Leave her be so she can move on... In the mean-time focus on working on yourself.
     
  17. moomoo3210

    moomoo3210 Active Member

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    stop messing with this girl's feelings dude... leave her alone so she can find someone who truly appreciates her
     
  18. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Stop with this girl. Just stop. Your history shows that you two will not make it long term. She deserves better than to be with someone who has broken up with her 3 times already. You deserve to be with someone you can stay with.

    Second, your standards are somewhat ridiculous. You place emphasis on really unimportant things (have to like the same music, have to wear the same clothes). It's definitely fine and normal to want someone to have general common interests, but it doesn't have to be so specific.

    And she doesn't make you laugh as much as you want? Boo hoo. Make yourself laugh if you are so damn funny.

    CLIFFS: If you've broken up with a girl 3 or more times...it means it's not going to work. STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT WORK.
     

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