Need Info! Relationship / Infidelity Questions

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by JJM Enterprises, Sep 14, 2006.

  1. JJM Enterprises

    JJM Enterprises New Member

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    Trust is a huge issue in relationships… it seems that ones with good trust can flourish, but lack of trust will either break down a relationship or be an obvious factor that something isn’t quite right! I’d like to see some responses from a variety of people, let’s see what everyone thinks.

    Are you currently in a committed relationship? If YES – how long have you been in this relationship? If NO – how long ago did your last relationship end?

    What age and sex are you? Are you sexually active in your current relationship, or have you been in the past?

    Do you ever suspect that infidelity, or cheating, is happening on part of your significant other?

    Have you ever cheated on your current partner? Have you ever cheated on any partner?

    What specifically do you count as cheating? Kissing? Hugging or hand-holding? Flirting? Full blown sex?

    Is the DESIRE to cheat a good enough reason to end a relationship?


    I'll total up the answers in a few days and post the results.
     
  2. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    No longer in a committed relationship, the last one lasted a year and nine months.
    18, male. Sexually active in the past relationship.
    I never suspected infidelity on her part.
    I cheated on her early on in the relationship, made out with another girl.
    Cheating: Kissing and on are things I consider cheating. Hugging, hand-holding, flirting are all okay.
    Is the desire to cheat a good enough reason to end the relationship? I don't know. I would lean towards yes, because you may have the desire to cheat and more than likely that desire will eventually become reality. We all fantasize over others, but it doesn't mean that we DESIRE to be cheaters. If you WANT to cheat, like I did, you're a bastard (like I am), and it's good grounds to end the relationship.
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Yes - 9 mos.

    25/m. Yes.

    Suspect? Yes.

    No.

    Kissing - yes
    Hugging - no
    Hand-holding - yes (wtf you should only do that with a bf/gf)
    Flirting - yes (flirting = wanting attention = infidelity)
    Full blown sex - yes

    Probably, unless it's the occasional thought, because I think that's kind of normal. Everyone sees a hot person and is attracted to them, but if it's a recurring thought, then it's probably going to lead to something, so you might as well end it.
     
  4. erobbins

    erobbins Active Member

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    yes, 6 months
    33, man, we do have sex :hsugh:
    no, she's not cheating
    I've never cheated on anyone
    cheating is anything involving another person you wouldn't do in front of your gf/bf. kissing, holding hands, intimate conversations, all cheating.
    no, unless you can't suppress the desire and will cheat

    glad to help with your homework :hsugh:
     
  5. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    Are you currently in a committed relationship? Yes, for almost 3 1/2 years.

    What age and sex are you? 23 F

    Are you sexually active in your current relationship, or have you been in the past?
    Yes and Yes

    Do you ever suspect that infidelity, or cheating, is happening on part of your significant other? This is a difficult question to answer, but I'd have to say yes.

    Have you ever cheated on your current partner? No

    Have you ever cheated on any partner? No

    What specifically do you count as cheating? Kissing? Hugging or hand-holding? Flirting? Full blown sex? All of the above, and including emotional cheating. If you're doing something that most people consider actions of "affection" with another person while being involved with someone else, its cheating. End of discussion.

    Is the DESIRE to cheat a good enough reason to end a relationship? Probably. If you're thinking about it, then your heart is not totally in your current relationship. And to prevent further hurt to your SO, you should just get the hell out.
     
  6. Lindsay Loham

    Lindsay Loham New Member

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    Yes for almost 2 and a half years.

    20/F. Yes.

    Not really.

    No. Never.

    Anything you wouldn't want your SO to see. If there is something to hide, by all means don't do it.

    Kinda, yeah. If the desire is strong enough it will eventually be acted on. Once the desire to cheat is there, you have lost something from the relationship.


     
  7. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    No. Last (and, truth be told, only) one ended almost exactly one year ago.

    25/m. Sexually active with my ex from 3 months in (I was 21) until it ended. Have had no other partners.

    I suspected with my ex. And I was right, as I would discover much much later. However, she played mindgames and used my own insecurity and self-doubt to convince me I was imagining things. I let her talk me down from my suspicions a couple times, but naturally as time went on it only got more apparent that things were seriously amiss, even to a guy as amazingly dense and clueless as I was.


    No, and I am confident that I never would.

    Open-mouthed kissing or any activity which involves anyone touching anyone's erogenous zones (with consent, of course). There are other things, physical and non-physical, which might be considered cheating in some cases, but I can't make hard and fast rules with them all.

    If it is an active desire to cheat or if there is any doubt in your mind whether you would if you got the chance, then your relationship is done for. For men the temptation to cheat, in itself, is natural and doesn't mean anything unless you're at a point where you are likely to succumb to it. However, if the idea of cheating even enters a woman's head, the relationship already has serious and possibly fatal problems.
     
  8. StealingBread

    StealingBread New Member

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    Yes, A year since the 9th

    I'm 16 and a fmale. I'm sexually active.

    Nope, I trust him.

    No, I have never cheated, In my past relationships I had feeling for the current boy, and at the beginning of our relationship I still had feeling for the past boy. Irony, anyone :/

    All of those are affectionate things, I say all except hugging. Flirting I don't consider cheating but its enough for me to become pissed. Ask Sublimeone123 ;D

    Certainly.
     
  9. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    yeh, 6 months, female
    23, quite so
    never
    never, none
    anything you wouldnt do in front of him, or isnt already agreed upon
    sometimes, yes. it at least warrents some serious thought.
     
  10. JJM Enterprises

    JJM Enterprises New Member

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    good responses so far, kind of a mixed bag. let's hear some more, if anyone wants to share. i guess i can add mine in...

    Yes - currently in a relationship, it's been a few years now.
    25/m, yes sexually active.
    I never would think that my g/f would cheat, BUT, it's hard to not suspect something, sometime. I would say 99% sure that she hasn't.
    I have cheated on people in the past, but not on this one.
    Kissing is almost always cheating unless it's a friendly peck with a good or longtime friend. Hand holding is border, hugging and what not isn't. Flirting is usually good and healthy!
    I don't think the desire to cheat is reason enough to end a relationship. Whether people believe it or not, there's always an attraction to others, which kind of constitutes a desire to cheat. I think the "she's fine" or "he's hot" line basically is saying... Wow I would like to get with that.... except... I won't b/c I love my partner. So basically there's a desire, but it gets trumped by the relationship.
     
  11. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    Are you currently in a committed relationship? If YES – how long have you been in this relationship? If NO – how long ago did your last relationship end?
    Yes, Been together for almost 4 years

    What age and sex are you? Are you sexually active in your current relationship, or have you been in the past?
    23, female, yes we're sexually active.

    Do you ever suspect that infidelity, or cheating, is happening on part of your significant other?
    No, I trust my partner.

    Have you ever cheated on your current partner? Have you ever cheated on any partner?
    No. I have cheated on one partner in the past. One singular dumb event nea the end of the relationship.

    What specifically do you count as cheating? Kissing? Hugging or hand-holding? Flirting? Full blown sex?Anything i wouldn't want my partner to see me do with somene else = cheating.

    Is the DESIRE to cheat a good enough reason to end a relationship?
    The desire to cheat, yes. Fantasy is safe as long as it remains fantasy, but once the thoughts move to desire and planning, time to end the relationship.
     
  12. [DWI]

    [DWI] Master of Nothing

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    Are you currently in a committed relationship? If YES – how long have you been in this relationship? If NO – how long ago did your last relationship end?

    No, ended 2 weeks ago, 2 year relationship.

    What age and sex are you? Are you sexually active in your current relationship, or have you been in the past?

    22 year old Male, yes.

    Do you ever suspect that infidelity, or cheating, is happening on part of your significant other?

    I worried about it because of her history, not sure I ever fully suspected about it, but we argued about her history, she ended up making out with another guy, she is dating him now :mamoru:

    Have you ever cheated on your current partner? Have you ever cheated on any partner?

    No never, if I am going to cheat I am going to dump first.

    What specifically do you count as cheating? Kissing? Hugging or hand-holding? Flirting? Full blown sex?

    Some people consider emotional closeness cheating. I personally consider anything that should be confined to a relationship cheating, so anything more than a peck on the cheek, so a kiss on up to sex is all cheating in my book.

    Is the DESIRE to cheat a good enough reason to end a relationship?

    Define desire. If you think gee that person there is hot, I wouldn't mind having sex with them, but then don't then no. However if the thought is more like that person is hot I want to have sex with them despite the fact that I am in a committed relationship yes that is ground for ending it. Its human nature to notice other attractive people, but a sign of true commitment to understand what you have and decide what you have is what you truly want.
     
  13. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Are you currently in a committed relationship? YES

    If YES – how long have you been in this relationship? Married for about a year, together for a few years.

    What age and sex are you? early 20's - Male

    Are you sexually active in your current relationship, or have you been in the past?Very sexually active.

    Do you ever suspect that infidelity, or cheating, is happening on part of your significant other? Not even for a moment

    Have you ever cheated on your current partner? I would rather end my own life than spend this one without her. Why would I cheat on someone I care about that much? To answer your question - NO

    Have you ever cheated on any partner? eh, does middle school count when you are dating like 20 girls at once because every girl thats a friend is a girlfriend? No? Then I have never cheated on a partner, ive never seen a reason too :dunno: If I wanted someone else, then I would move on, not cheat...if I am with someone obviously I care about them, why hurt someone you care about? Even if you do move on. If you dont care about them, then you should move on before even thinking about cheating.

    What specifically do you count as cheating? Cheating is a mindset, not necessarily an action. Actions are just the fruits of the mindset.

    Kissing? Yes

    Hugging or hand-holding? Yes

    Flirting? Eh, that needs to be qualified a bit better. Everyone flirts, it is all about intentions

    Full blown sex? Yes

    Note: In some sexual experiences where both partners are participating (ie threesome), I dont consider the above cheating. But that is because (and only if) both partners are willing participants.

    Is the DESIRE to cheat a good enough reason to end a relationship? The desire to cheat? Yes that is grounds to end a relationship. The desire to be with someone else sexually is not. There is nothing wrong with fantasizing about other people, we are all human, but when it becomes an actual desire to cheat...thats a problem. Like I said, its a mindset thing. I can think about sex with tons of women, even want to, but when it comes down to it, I have ABSOLUTELY NO desire to cheat on my wife.





    Total all you want, different ideals work for different relationships. No relationship is the same as no 2 people are the same. What works for one couple may not work for another. What one person considers cheating another may not. This is why everyone that posts alot here in the Vag preaches COMMUNICATION, its about getting to know the person you are with and understanding their thoughts on the subject.
     
  14. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

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    I'm in a committed relationship that has lasted for about 7 months, (note that I'm relatively young that that this is my first relationship)

    I'm 15 and male. I don't have sex in my current relationship, but I certainly have 'contact'.

    I have never suspected my SO of cheating or anything like that.
    I have never cheated.

    Kissing and onwards is definitely cheating. Huggin is harder to categorise; if the SO normally hugs everyone and there is no sexual overtone, then hugging is fine. Flirting is okay if its just for fun, the relationship is solid, and both people know about it.

    Not alone, but if it is accompanied with a loss of desire for your current partner then maybe.


    I'll total up the answers in a few days and post the results.[/quote]
     
  15. rich a

    rich a New Member

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    Are you currently in a committed relationship? Yes

    If YES – how long have you been in this relationship? Year and a half

    What age and sex are you? 22, male

    Are you sexually active in your current relationship, or have you been in the past? yes

    Do you ever suspect that infidelity, or cheating, is happening on part of your significant other? Nope

    Have you ever cheated on your current partner? Never

    Have you ever cheated on any partner? Never

    What specifically do you count as cheating?

    Kissing? Yes

    Hugging? no

    Hand holding? Yes

    Flirting? Everyone has a different definition of flirting, so I will have to say no.

    Full blown sex? Yes

    Is the DESIRE to cheat a good enough reason to end a relationship? The desire to cheat? Of course. The desire to cheat is totally different from finding someone else attractive. We are all human. But to take the time to even think or consider actually cheating is something that compromises any relationship.
     
  16. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    Yes and no. Our relationship situation is complex. Either way, I've been in relationships off and on with one of two people for the last 5 years.



    24/m. Yes.



    I had no reason to "suspect it", I knew it was happening. She told me so. My "current" gf is trustworthy as hell; no reason I would ever suspect her of anything.



    Yes, and yes. I feel horrible about the last time, however, as the girl didn't deserve to get hurt like that. I'm in a much different place in my life, now, and feel as though I wouldn't do it again.

    [/quote]

    If there's any sort of lustful desire being acted upon with another person, it's cheating. Hugging doesn't count, though, as it is a symbol of affection that can be very platonic in nature.

    And no, desire alone isn't enough. We're humans; we all have urges, needs, desires, wants, fantasies. Self restraint is what separates humans from animals.
     
  17. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Trust is a huge issue in relationships… it seems that ones with good trust can flourish, but lack of trust will either break down a relationship or be an obvious factor that something isn’t quite right! I’d like to see some responses from a variety of people, let’s see what everyone thinks.

    Are you currently in a committed relationship? If YES – how long have you been in this relationship? If NO – how long ago did your last relationship end?
    I have been married for 6.5 years and with my husband for close to 9.

    What age and sex are you? Are you sexually active in your current relationship, or have you been in the past?
    I am 24 and female. Yes we are sexually active :)
    Do you ever suspect that infidelity, or cheating, is happening on part of your significant other?
    Never.
    Have you ever cheated on your current partner? Have you ever cheated on any partner?
    Never.
    What specifically do you count as cheating? Kissing? Hugging or hand-holding? Flirting? Full blown sex?
    Cheating is pretty much anything you wouldn't do in front of your SO short of flirting.
    Is the DESIRE to cheat a good enough reason to end a relationship?
    No. I have the desire to murder some people sometimes. Should I be locked up for that?

    I'll total up the answers in a few days and post the results.
     
  18. giapia

    giapia Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you re

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    Yes. About 10 mos.

    19/f. Yes

    I have suspected. No longer do.

    No. I guess this one depends on how long it takes before you push a guy away upon kissing you.

    Kissing - Yes
    Hugging - No
    Hand-holding - I wouldn't say that's cheating but I sure as hell wouldn't like it
    Flirting - Borderline
    Full blown sex - Definitely

    There'll be other people my SO will be attracted to and there'll be other people I'll be attracted to. The only way that this would be grounds for breaking up is if you take measures to get to know the person you "desire to cheat" with/hang out with them knowing you want to cheat with them or, obviously end up cheating with them.

     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2006
  19. :smile:

    :smile: New Member

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    Are you currently in a committed relationship?
    -yes, 2 years
    What age and sex are you? Are you sexually active in your current relationship, or have you been in the past?
    -19 female. & sexually active

    Do you ever suspect that infidelity, or cheating, is happening on part of your significant other?
    -we had a little disruption with something but i never thought he touched her in any way he wasn't supposed to, or kiss her.

    Have you ever cheated on your current partner? Have you ever cheated on any partner?
    -never cheated on anyone

    What specifically do you count as cheating? Kissing? Hugging or hand-holding? Flirting? Full blown sex?
    -Kissing - Yes
    -Hugging - No
    -Hand-holding - I wouldn't say that's cheating but I sure as hell wouldn't like it
    -Flirting - again, not cheating but it wouldn't make me happy
    -Full blown sex - of couse


    Is the DESIRE to cheat a good enough reason to end a relationship?
    -i think so because if you have that desire you will probably do it & it also probably means you aren't happy in your current relationship.
     
  20. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Are you currently in a committed relationship?
    No, last 'real' one, 1 year.

    What age and sex are you? Are you sexually active in your current relationship, or have you been in the past?
    23, male. No current. Yes.

    Do you ever suspect that infidelity, or cheating, is happening on part of your significant other?
    Can't say I have really.

    Have you ever cheated on your current partner? Have you ever cheated on any partner?
    Never.

    What specifically do you count as cheating? Kissing? Hugging or hand-holding? Flirting? Full blown sex?
    Kissing and above. Flirting and hugging is totally fine in my opinion.

    Is the DESIRE to cheat a good enough reason to end a relationship?
    No, think whatever you like. Once you act on it though...
     
  21. enfiniti

    enfiniti How firm thy friendship ... OHIO!

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    Yes, ~2yrs
    21/M
    Very Sexual Relationship
    Yes, This Partner Has cheated on me
    Yes, I have Cheated on this partner

    Full blown sex is the dead give-away but you have to ask yourself what feelings you would not like your partner having. If they 'start falling for' someone else, I culd make a case as that is cheating as they are giving a piece of their heart away to someone else.
     
  22. mrs0323

    mrs0323 New Member

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    I'll be interested to see the results.
     
  23. JJM Enterprises

    JJM Enterprises New Member

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    More good answers... here's a quick version of a recap for you so far...

    - Average length of relationship is about 2 years. Only one "longer" at 9 years, all others are under 5.
    - About 30 % of the answers indicate that cheating was suspected in the relationship.
    - About 25 % of the answers indicate that cheating actually happened, on part of one partner or the other.
    - About 45 % of the answers indicate that the person has not cheated nor has infidelity been suspected at all.

    We have about 20 responses, if we can get 40 or 50 that would be great and be a good basis of info from all around... anyone else care to share?
     
  24. StealingBread

    StealingBread New Member

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    It Happens. :/ Its not like im going to be horribly shocked or scarred by anything anyone says. I think by 14 I was passed that stage.
     
  25. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    Are you currently in a committed relationship? If YES – how long have you been in this relationship?
    yes, 10+ years

    What age and sex are you? Are you sexually active in your current relationship
    Female & over 40 and as much as possible

    Do you ever suspect that infidelity, or cheating, is happening on part of your significant other?
    Nope

    Have you ever cheated on your current partner? Have you ever cheated on any partner?
    Nope & Nope

    What specifically do you count as cheating? Kissing? Hugging or hand-holding? Flirting? Full blown sex?
    Tonsil-removing kisses or full blown sex

    Is the DESIRE to cheat a good enough reason to end a relationship?
    No, if that desire is strictly for "sex with someone different", it's a good reason to have some serious talks. Otherwise, a long time ago we decided that if either of us felt that the relationship should end then we would discuss it like adults and work out the details. Physical cheating wouldn't necessairly be a deal breaker, it's the emotional connection.
     

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