SRS Need help with work related issue

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Anna28471, Apr 1, 2006.

  1. Anna28471

    Anna28471 New Member

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    I began working for this company three years ago. First year I was a volunteer than the past two I have been officially hired as an employee. Upon starting this job, everything was great... even though I was a bit overwhelmed at times. My co-workers seemed very nice until I noticed them bashing one another behind their backs. I started to wonder, even become paranoid.. if they were doing the same to me. So I tried to be perfect with my job (I was so friendly they nicknamed me "smiley") which didn't work out too well because it was putting too much additional pressure on myself that soon lead to anxiety attacks. Once I got to the office, I would stumble over my own words..my mind would go blank. This was/is soo frustrating for me since I do well at all my other jobs-- I'm completely normal. Why is this happening here? I had lunch with one of my co-workers to which she justified everyone back-stabbing each other. Although she claims that my boss is happy with me, she agrees one of the co-workers looks at me out of the corner of her eye up and down in a rude way. Now I am more self-concious than ever!!! This co-worker came up to me today crying that since she got married (inter-racial marriage) that all the others are ganging up against her, pilling more work upon her and totally disrespecting her. She claims that our management has literally banned her husband from our office because company policy states that married couples cannot speak or visit during work hours. This man served as a volunteer to our company...he would do anything for anyone. Now this woman is concerned about her job and is terrified to go to work everyday but she must due to overwhelming debt. I felt so bad I gave her $100. because she has done so much for me, she is really a great friend.

    I don't know what to do now. Everyone at my office seems to be a backstabber. I don't know who to trust or if I should even stay.

    Sorry about the long post. :wtc:
     
  2. kakariko

    kakariko Purple Member OT Supporter

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    why did you give her $100? and why did she accept it?
    why doesn't her husband get a (real) job to help them get out of debt?
     
  3. Anna28471

    Anna28471 New Member

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    Because she is a friend is on the verge of being homeless. Plus, her husband does work.. part-time plus going to school.
     
  4. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    When it comes to office politics and clicks....I suggest you try your best to stay neutral. Stay out of all of that mess...it's not worth it. You can be someone's friend, you can maybe assist them in times of need, but never try to take sides.

    Stay professional. Do your work. Keep clean of all the office gossip. They talk to you? Just nod your head, "uh huh" and just let it go out the next ear.
     
  5. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    :) Yuppers, I agree with Toasty...Neutral is the way to go. Be diplomatic at ALL times.
     
  6. Anna28471

    Anna28471 New Member

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    I did keep quiet as best I could. I only said a few things such as "Our company could get sued for racial discrimination. I know how you feel. I've heard other similar complaints. I thought it was me but yes, I've noticed that person looks at me funny at times. I don't know how I'm viewed here." And thats about it. The rest was "ahh huh." :noes:
     
  7. Wilddog

    Wilddog OT Supporter

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    My brother had the same issue. He began hating his work place because of the people he worked with. He quite his job, got a new job, and has never been happier. Perhaps you should consider that route
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    This 'gossip' culture is something that has to end, there is a way tho.

    Work isn't really important , what really matters is your loving intereaction with other people. Namely helping and loving others. You must hate gossip, and you must not participate with it, say something like well everyone has a shadow, and it makes us human that we make mistakes. What you must stop is living towards this 'culture' , you have no one to be responsible for but yourself, you are your own judge,jury and executor.

    When stuff like that happens , say to yourself 'let those people look at their own lives' , i mean you have got nothing to do with it.

    The most disturbing thing is that you are adjusting your life in a unhealthy way to fit in their gossip culture, gossip can destroy people's lives. And you made the first mistake by playing along with their game.

    What you effectivly done is you have 'given' the 'power' of your own life, into the lives of others by giving in to 'fear' that people talk bad about you behind your back. I've had something like that happening to me, people where gossiping around my back, that i was to leave school. I simply got angry and said ' look, if there's anything you want to know about me , ask it in my face instead of going around my back assuming things. That made them all silent.

    So stand ABOVE it, don't give in to your fears, because it will only cage you into a state of hell. You know you are a wonderfull person, that's all the justification you will ever need. As long as YOU know , you are alright, then why would you ever want the justifications of others, you don't need it you can stand for yourself and for what you represent.
     
  9. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    :bowdown::bowdown::bowdown:

    Well said sir, well said.
     
  10. Anna28471

    Anna28471 New Member

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    I appreciate your comment and will further meditate on it.


    Thank You!
     
  11. gsxec

    gsxec New Member

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    when backstabbing and gossip flourish it really means you have a boring workplace
     
  12. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    Don't get caught up in it. Do your work, do it well and then go home at the end of the day and forget about it. Until YOU are given a warning for lack of work then don't worry. Let the others bitch and backstab all they want. It's probably a jealousy thing coz they hate seeing anyone better than themselves.

    The other option is to change jobs/company
     
  13. Anna28471

    Anna28471 New Member

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    Another crisis.. why don't I know how to handle this stuff without asking for anothers opinion?

    I have two jobs one at a school the other job (which I was referring to) as an seasonal office worker. On Friday I told my fellow co-workers that I was going on vacation for 2 weeks to California which I was until I was asked to stay by my supervisor at another job due to a crisis. So now I am staying. I just emailed the administrative assistant at the office job of this asking her to notify others incase I am needed. Is this okay? Or should I email them (co-workers individually) myself?


    Sorry for all this. I am only 19 and this is my first real job. I just want to make a good impression. :wtc:
     
  14. johan

    johan Active Member

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    That sounds like a very dysfunctional workplace. I suggest you see if some other place is available.

    The best way to make an impression is to not get involved in office politics, do your job well, be friendly and courteous (which does not mean BUDDY-BUDDY with the office queens).

    However, the reality of many dysfunctional workplaces, is that if you don't play the game and become one of the IN crowd, you automatically become one of the OUT crowd.

    If your place of employment is like that and it bothers you and impairs your job performance and peace-of-mind, then really, consider finding another place to work.

    And don't tell me this is a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity and you simply CAN'T work anywhere else. If you work at NASA or JPL or the Supreme Court, ok, I'll grant that is a once-in-a-lifetime job. Any other place...start honing your skills and polish up your resume.

    Good luck.
     
  15. Anna28471

    Anna28471 New Member

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    :sadwavey:
    Right now I am having an anxiety attack just thinking about going to the office this week. No joke. I know what is going to happen when I walk in the door--
    Secretary will be on the verge of crying
    One co-worker will come out, look me up and down and say "What are you doing here?" Even though she knows very well I have update our file system
    One of the younger guys will walk by snubbing me

    I'll stand there like a deer in the headlights, hands shaking, stuttering my words...
     
  16. johan

    johan Active Member

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    And so why do you continue to work here? You've convinced all of us that this place sounds like a hellhole.

    And don't tell me it's the paycheck. There's lots of places to work.

    Or is it really not that bad, and you just wanted a little communal commiserating?
     
  17. Anna28471

    Anna28471 New Member

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    Johan:

    I'm not looking for sympathy or attention. Sorry if I came across that way. If anything I am frustrated with myself for feeling like this. I'm searching for some pearl of wisdom that keeps eluding me..

    I am seriously considering quitting if things do not improve. Until then I have no other options than to toughen up, go in there and do what I gotta do.
     

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