FRK Need help with the wife...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Joel, Mar 27, 2008.

  1. Joel

    Joel New Member

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    First off I want to preface this quest for advice by saying my wife and I have been married for nearly eight years and have an incredible relationship. I highly doubt there are very many married couples who feel the way about each other that we do. I can honestly say we love each other more all the time. I say this so there is no question about our relationship.

    Anyways... a couple months ago we had a heart to heart about our sex life and what we both liked, didn't like, would like to try, frequency, etc... (We were on a trip a trip out of town without our kids for the first time in a long time and actually had the time and ability to have a truly adult conversation.) We both admitted that we would like to have more frequent sex. I told her that I really enjoy when she is dominant and incorporates bondage and would even like to try the anal route as a form of humiliation. She said that was fine with her, but she did not want to play that role all of the time as she enjoys being submissive sometimes as well. We both agreed that made sense and clarified a few things before moving onto another conversation.

    Now here is my issue: since the talk, sex is no different from her angle than it was before. I took mental inventory of the things she has told me and have made sure to incorporate some of those things into the bedroom, but it is as if we never had the conversation on her end. During sex she talks dirty and tells me about how she wants to dominate me, but nothing ever happens.

    The conversation was a little tough to have the first time around so I don't know what I should do. Should I give her more time or does some one have another suggestion?

    Thanks in advance for any feedback.
     
  2. jimbo_jones

    jimbo_jones New Member

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    It's good to have those kind of talks once in a while and sometimes it is easy to work the stuff in, but other times it might take some dedication to actually implement some of your desires.
    I might suggest that if you are interested in bringing bondage into your sex play that you make sure the materials are there for what you want to have her do to you. Order a light bondage kit or flogging toy or whatever strikes your fancy. Since the two of you are so close, she will probably want to at least try it out and she'll let you know if she is uncomfortable with anything.
    Couldn't hurt, right?
     
  3. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    When you get into a specific pattern it can be hard to change. The thing to remember is to have patience and continue to talk things out. You also have to remember that just because you want something, it does not mean that it is possible. I do not know if this is the case here (only you really know that), but it could be a reason for the failure to see change. For instance, my wife (Lovely) can NOT be dominant. I have asked her to do it before, but it is not in her AT ALL. Thus, it might be possible that your wife is unable or unsure as to how to be dominant.
    Also, and this is not to attack you, what have you done to change things up? You stated that since your talk you have not seen a difference. Sex, and modifying it, is a two part process. Both parties have to make an effort to change things. If all the responsibility to change is left to one partner it won't work. She might have been really into the idea, but, correctly or not, might have gotten the impression that you are not actually that into changing things.
    Finally, I think I would agree with Jimbo. I would suggest taking some of the initiative of changing things by going out and purchasing some toys and trying to incorporate them. I think that will be an easy way to 1) get the conversation back up and going again (hey, wouldn't it be fun to try this? Lets go buy one) and 2) to start to push the stuff along. For example, if you buy a paddle, while during sex, ask her to spank you with it or punish you, or something along those lines.

    Hopefully this helps :)
    Any further information you can provide will help in the members assistance for you

    EDIT: Rereading your post, I see you have mentioned that you have tried to incorporate stuff a bit. Maybe try a little more and suggest purchasing some outside products as JJ suggested. Nevertheless, communicating is still important and I think if you two love one another so much and communicate well, bringing up the conversation again should not be a problem :)


    ALSO, is the anal for her or you?
     
  4. Joel

    Joel New Member

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    Okay, I will try to provide a little information.

    My wife gave three things as suggestions or requests in our sex life. #1 she let me know that she really enjoys having her nipples played with as much or more than receiving oral gratification. So I have made a concerted effort to pay more attention to them and got the nipple clamps back out of hiding.
    #2 she enjoys bondage and submission. So I have tied her up twice since then and tried to play up the role of Master. I spend an extra amount of time teasing her before allowing her to climax as well. (FYI: two times may not sound like much, but I am in the middle of a heavy travelling schedule right now.)
    #3 She would really like to have sex outdoors. I am still working on how to pull that off right now. It is a little tough right now as it is still rather cold here and even snowed a bit today. I would happily entertain suggestions on this one.

    Another thing I will add is that my wife has played the dominant role before and I really enjoy it. So this is not foregn teritory for her it is obvious, however that sometimes she does not know her limits. In that regard I have told her to feel free to push the envelope and that half the fun for me is not knowing what to expect. In addition, I don't want to outline everything for her as it will feel too planned.

    Lastly, I want to know how I can get her to do the things to me that she says to me in the heat of passion. It is obvious they turn me on. Why won't she try it?

    Oh yeah.. the anal is for me and I did get a plug and lube for her to use for us to try it.
     
  5. dumb_end_user

    dumb_end_user Sad Gus

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    Whatever you do, keep the conversation positive.

    Tell her about the good things that she is doing. The dirty talk, the dominant persona in bed (even if it isn't a physical one), etc. The more positive feredback she gets the more likely she is to continue or to expand on things.

    Is she really comfortable with being physically dominant with you or would she rather just act dominant with the dirty talk? She may not want to see you as someone that she dominates - even for a little while during sex.

    Ask her if she has any aversion to doing the things that she 'talks' about. Don't ask her "why not" ask her what the two of you can do to work towards your goal of a happier sex life.

    And last but not least don't eventhink about saying - "I did blah blah blah and you didn't do blah blah blah".

    Sorry for the rambling post but I think you'll get the gist.
     
  6. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    I think that is extremely important. She might feel that she has made great changes and telling her that she has not or is not doing what you want can result in her getting upset or being defensive. If this ends up being the case, you will not get anywhere. I would suggest starting it out with. "I really like when you do XXXX and that you have stepped up on the things we talked about. I was hoping that we could try XXX some time soon" or something like that. I had something better, but I forgot...I think you get the idea though :wiggle:
     
  7. razi

    razi New Member

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    do you two have a safeword yet? not just for the safety reasons, but for the piece of mind of the Top too. Consider red/yellow/green responses, that way if she tries something she'll know immediately how you like it.

    handing someone a whip and telling them to go to town can be daunting. Setting up a framework and guidelines can make her more comfortable exploring her dominant side, which includes set rules for positive reinforcement.
     
  8. razi

    razi New Member

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    specifics = good.
     
  9. Joel

    Joel New Member

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    Thanx for the feedback. I am definitely going to try some of these out. If anyone wants to add anything else, I will gladly take all the help I can get.
     
  10. Libera

    Libera New Member

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    I am not sexually dominant by any means, but I would like to add one thing. You mentioned that she talks dirty and says certain dominant things that she would like to do. Perhaps afterward you could say something like "It really turned me on when you said you would blahblahblah...Can we try that next time?" I find that positive reinforcement works better than negative (i.e. "I like it when you do this" instead of "You never do XYZ". Have fun :naughty:
     
  11. trano

    trano Guest

    tell her how to be dominant
     
  12. razi

    razi New Member

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    positive reinforcement your best friend here.
     
  13. Smorgan

    Smorgan New Member

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    Sex outdoors can be kind of daunting, however, if you can find a secluded place off back roads or something along those lines, then you are good to go. You can also check public golf courses out as well, as that's where I broke my outdoors cherry (Eaglesticks Hole 9 green at about 10:30 at night, and it was amazing to say the least). Most all public courses don't have the funding to have any security on the premises at night (at least, Eaglesticks didn't lol) so you should be good. Do some homework, kind of stake out a few places and get a feel for traffic/cops/etc that way you know if you're likely to be caught with your pants down, literally.



    All I can say is give her some time, keep on doing the things she likes/wants, and maybe she'll start giving in to your wants a bit.
     

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