Need girl/guys opinion on this, WHAT the fuck is going on? *e-mail inside*

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by MmmBeer, Aug 28, 2006.

  1. MmmBeer

    MmmBeer New Member

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    Just a little background. Shes 25, I just turned 23 and she has a full time job. We've been hanging out over the summer pretty regularly and then sometime last week her aunt died. She was kinda close to her (her aunt lived in another state though) and ever since shes been acting WEIRD. Ditching me (at least in my mind), acting very distant, just sounding plain weird on the phone. To the point its like I dont even wanna talk to you if your gonna be this way.

    Im no jerk, I comforted her when this happened. Spent a long time just talking, hugging, etc...What a good guy/anyone should do in that type of situation ya know? Well heres the e-mail.


    hey you. I am so sorry about the way Ive been acting. I guess Im a mixture of emotional and confused right now. I honestly don't know what I want. It's time for the yucky regular schedule. I shouldnt say that becasue I absolutely LOVE my job during the year but I know its going to effect us. I know you said you were kinda worried about it too. I just kinda wanna take things slower. I AM NOT SAYING I DONT WANT TO KEEP DOING WHAT WE"RE DOING! I had to put that in caps because for some reason I think you will believe me more if I did that. You are amazing and make me feel completely myself and I love being with you. I just have other things i need to worry about at the same time. That's all. I just want to be able to do everything as good as I usually do. Maybe I'm being confusing but I think Im getting too wrapped up in the whole relationship thing and not enough with everything else. Im also sorry that I wrote this but I have been wanting to talk to you and I can't keep it in anymore.


    So hopefully you aren't too mad at me for being a crazy girl and you understand what Im saying.

    So I do have class tonight 6-10pm. BLOWS! But I am going to call you when I get out and we are going to talk tonight. I feel kinda 12 years old that I just typed this all too you but It needed to be said and your sleeping right now.

    Anyways thank you for dealing with me lately and Im sorry and I really wanna see you. Real bad.




    This fucking e-mail set off this huge blaring alarm in my head. My last serious gf had the almost same convo with me a little bit before we broke up and everything broke down. It really set off an alarm guys, what is going on?? I have NO idea.
     
  2. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    This is only setting off an alarm cuz ur last gf was a liar.
    Unless this girl is being equally dishonest, she is getting a firmer grip on ur relationship by trying to make sure that it works for her. G/j, sounds like she likes u a lot. :)
     
  3. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    Give her some time to deal with the Aunt stuff. She sounds like she is trying to sort it all out!
     
  4. low20

    low20 Member

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    she sounds uber confused...she says she doesnt wanna get caught up in the relationship stuff but cant wait to see you and wants to keep doing what ur doing? sounds oxy moron to me...i think shes just felling stressed, seems like shes getting back to school and work and feels like she doesnt have enough time in her life to be with herself let alone you and deal with her aunt all at the same time...id say just give hera a little bit of space and dont worry too much..she sounds fine, just overwhelmed
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    i disagree. she thinks she's getting too wrapped up in the whole relationship thing - in other words, if she keeps going in this direction, she will lose important things. that means she wants to maintain the current state of things right now - not make it even more committed, but also not backtrack and make it less serious.
     
  6. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    I wouldnt be worried. It sounds like she is just at a stressful point in her life and wants to figure things out for herself. I think she just wants you to understand that just because she has been acting weird or distant doesnt mean things are changing. Sometimes people just need time to think things over and straighten them out. She doesnt want to add anymore stress to what she has. Best thing to do is just help her with what you can and trust that she is being honest with you. I would say she wrote this e-mail because she was worried about what was going through your mind and wanted you to know she still does care.
     
  7. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    hmm..that does make sense
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    sometimes we are so afraid of losing the person we love that we put a leash on them and strap them down. but if a person doesn't want to be with you, you don't want to strap them down, because you are wasting your time.

    my best advice to you is to supress the instinct to assume the worst possible scenario, and not to get really upset and press her about this and tighten your grip, because while locking someone down won't help you keep an unloving partner, it will help you drive away a loving partner. what happened with the last girl btw?
     
  9. MmmBeer

    MmmBeer New Member

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    Sorry guys im back. I dont know, shes been calling all day and I havent picked up the phone. Yeah, I do have alarms going off because of my last serious girl and I dunno it just seems like everything was going fine until her aunt died. Im thinking her mother is guiltering her into she doesnt spend enough time with her family/other shit. She told me her mom was b4 the death and I can only assume its worse now.

    Im not, not answering the because im trying to punish her. Im angry kinda, dont have a resolution and need time to sort through this myself and see what I need to do. Im gonna be here in and out so you guys can ask me any questions if you think theres some lacking info that would help.
     
  10. Endlessly

    Endlessly Por siempre

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    At least she was honest to you, don't punish her by pushing her away. She sounds like she really does care about you she just was telling you that she also has other priorities. Don't freak out.
     
  11. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Translation from chickspeak:

    "Hey you. I no longer feel the way I did when I did those other things. I can't believe you took me seriously. I will likely feel that way again, so watch out. I am feeling very powerful emotions and none of them revolve around you. That's a bad thing for our relationship. I'm not having good feelings about the future (and whether or not it includes you). The fact that you are worrying about our future is a big turn off. You aren't doing your job as a man to lead my emotions and make me feel GOOD about our future. I want to tell you how our relationship is going to be in the next little bit because you aren't man enough to take control of the situation. You have given me wonderful feelings in the past, but I no longer feel those things. More powerful emotions are taking control of me right now. Why won't you just change my feelings about all this stuff? I clearly have no control over my feelings, and I wish you would help me. I'm going to give you some commands now about us meeting and talking about our relationship like girlfriends, but what I really want is for you to act like a man and TELL ME WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO FEEL. I want to give you another chance to take control. Real bad."

    Yep. It's you. You've mismanaged your relationship and now it's tanking. Why not try something different and act like a man who is in control of the situation?
     
  12. MmmBeer

    MmmBeer New Member

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    FINALLY! A dickhead to help a fellow dickhead out!:bowdown:

    I gave this impression that I was worried about the future of her job because of a passing comment while we were drinking. "Were not gonna be able to do this or hang out I bet with you and your job".

    But besides the "thatsa big turnoff" line, I think your right. She is such a pussy about things most of the time and even though this involves HER life, she wants me to do something about it. What do you suggest I do? I mean, the reason I even typed this was to see if I should break it off now or soon at least.
     
  13. MmmBeer

    MmmBeer New Member

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    I didnt go out TWICE this weekend because I was waiting on her as well. I was honestly pissed because I wasted a friday and saturday night sitting on my computer instead of going out and having any type of fun. I didnt say fuck you its your fault, I said something along the lines of I should of known that you werent gonna give me a call but nothings gonna change that now, its too late so im just gonna be here for the rest of the night. She said well dont do that again, and TRUST me. College is starting this week and that means my normal crew is back in town, all the girls, etc....Im thinking shes gonna be pissed when im gonna be out with them a lot more and im not gonna be bitching her ditching me when I will the busy one. Now I just sound mad, but I was mad this weekend.

    Edit: An old girl "friend" of mine called and asked me to go out. I said I have plans, maybe some other time. My girl doesnt call for HOURS till the point its too late to do shit with said girl, and now shes tired as well so im not doing anything with her either. This happened 2 days in a row, friday and sat.
     
  14. crazy15

    crazy15 New Member

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    she put it in caps. she clearly loves you ;) haha. just keep goin at a steady pace
     
  15. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    1. Get your validation from your life not your women. This means plan your time ahead, and make her earn your time. You are a really cool busy guy, right? All kinds of people are competing for your attention.
    2. When you get together have a plan. Stick to it. Frame it like this: "I'm going to X restaurant, dancing at X club and then for cake at X cafe. Would you like to join me?"
    3. If she asks what you were doing when you werent together give her rich descriptions about all the awesome times you had, and all the amazing people you met (subcommunicates: other women).
    4. Be a fucking man. Display masculine qualities. Write down a list of all the feminine qualities that you find addtractive and DO THE OPPOSITE.

    All these things will increase attraction and help you build a better life with more options.
     
  16. MmmBeer

    MmmBeer New Member

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    My fellow 05' great advice. Ive had a lot of stuff going on lately and havent had a "real" girl in a while. Fuck buddies sure, and I kept myself at a distance for a long time. Just to avoid a situation like this one. Where a FB, turns into something else. She liked me/likes me WAY more than I do/did. Only difference is after doing it for a while I ended up caring. Hence my post. Im so :greddy:
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Say you and your girlfriend, you've been together for a long time. Are you still playing games to keep her attention, or do you trust each other enough
    a) Not to put pressure on each other (like the OP did with his line about not being able to hang out when she had to work)
    b) To speak freely about your own desires

    It isn't about sparking new interest, it is about going from fun to fulfilling
     
  18. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    After reading more of the OP's posts I take back the "fun to fulfilling" bit. I don't think that's what the OP wants right now... :rofl: my bad
     
  19. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    We play games with eachother to keep it interesting. They are not based in a frame of malintent, they are purely to keep it fun and light. We both know that if one of us stops trying the other will find someone else quite quickly. We are both high value individuals. We trust eachother plenty and are quite comfortable with eachother and are happy that the other puts in so much effort. My relationship is based on the frame that fun IS fulfilling.
     
  20. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Sounds really fun.
     
  21. Miss Red

    Miss Red New Member

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    Honestly, I think you (original poster) are an immature asshole.
     
  22. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    and I think you are an idiot for thinking that :dunno:
     
  23. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Unconditional love comes from your mommy and your dog... not your girlfriend.

    That doesn't mean you can't value each other, but you have to value each other because you enjoy each other's company, not because you're obligated.




    To the OP, give her as much space as she can handle. But if she calls, don't avoid her overly. Let her vent and cry on you if she wants to, and above all if you must say anything, say only positive things.
     
  24. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    john, when you realize this is how it works in the adult dating world, you will become bitter at first, then you will hate women for a while, then once you accept it, you wont care for a while, then you will grow to find it amusing and start to play the game that is dating. :cool:
     
  25. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I've seen relationships work based on gamelessness. I've also seen relationships implode bc the two people were not ready for gamelessness.

    It's not unconditional, it's conditional on genuine compatibility (plus a desire for that deep connexion... if u just want fun you don't need monogamy for that).
     

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