SRS need girl advice- txt msg related/infidelity

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by marone, Mar 20, 2009.

  1. marone

    marone New Member

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    ok im 33 and shes 23 so i know i shouldnt expect much.

    She works away (3hrs) during the week and comes home on the weekend (45 mins).

    We have been together for almost 2.5 yrs and she has always pushed the relationship along with the view to marriage and kids. I didn't really commit for a long time but i finally made the step up to take it a lot more seriously.

    I'd had found some suspicious msg's to and from guys in the past which is why i didnt commit as early as i should.

    Now that im fully commited i have found msg's that were from a guy saying he wished they could stay in a room in the city for his b'day and another msg saying that he couldnt make it to see her that particular night and that they could "go and get some dinner, see a movie and relax then have a sleep in".

    I confront her and she says he is a friend from before her and i met and that she is trying to set him up with her friend from work.

    I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS!

    I broke up with her and we are talking about working shit out but she is steadfastly refusing that she lied or anything went on.

    I dont want to walk away if she is telling the truth but on the other hand i dont belive she is.

    Please help me OT, thanks for reading.
     
  2. Ichinichi

    Ichinichi take dat blue pill

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    Simple. Answer the following: what must transpire for you to accept, unequivocally and undoubtedly, for the rest of your life, that she is telling the truth?

    If you have a viable answer to that question, that's what you'll have to bring up in working it out.

    Otherwise, walk away.
     
  3. marone

    marone New Member

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    is it unreasonable fro me to ask her to prove to me that she is telling the truth?

    i think as it stands she expects me to believe and trust her.
     
  4. marone

    marone New Member

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    would anyone else believe tha same excuse or reason if their S/O said it them?
     
  5. Ichinichi

    Ichinichi take dat blue pill

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    This is exactly the question:

    What must you see transpire before you are willing to believe? If the answer is not forthcoming, it will stick in any future relationship with her and erode your end of it over time, which wouldn't be fair to either of you.

    Regardless of what the rest of us feel, it seems pretty clear that you do not trust her but just don't want to walk away.
     
  6. marone

    marone New Member

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    true and thanks for the advice.


    of the people i have asked, nobody has said they would believe what she has said and all have said that they believe she has cheated.

    If she could either ring this guy and get him to tell me she is telling the truth, i would trust her.
     
  7. teep

    teep New Member

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    That's an awful idea and frankly a little ridiculous. What's to say he wouldn't lie anyway?

    Sorry, man :( It's a shitty situation. As someone that's been in a similar situation before, I have to say it doesn't sound good. The decision has to come from in you though. In the end you're going to have to accept what she says at face value or else you're not going to be able to have a functional relationship regardless.

    Did you see what she wrote back? What made you snoop in the first place?
     
  8. Ichinichi

    Ichinichi take dat blue pill

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    Then that's your answer. Meet up with her. Tell her you love her, tell her you want to work things out and that messages like the ones you've seen are inappropriate and have her call him right there an then (to take away any chance for prearrangements) and confront him on her phone right there. If she feels the same way you do and has nothing to hide, she should cooperate since a life partner is worth more than any other guy friend.
     
  9. Ichinichi

    Ichinichi take dat blue pill

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    My money is on a gut feeling that he cannot trust her for one subconscious signal or another.
     
  10. Ichinichi

    Ichinichi take dat blue pill

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    Frankly, I'd walk away. I've been with a woman I don't trust before. I still cannot tell you why but I just didn't trust her. And one question she asked me always stuck:

    "What must I say/do to settle your concern once and for all?"

    And I had no answer, but I was 21 and not old enough to recognize that I needed to walk away.
     
  11. marone

    marone New Member

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    bingo!

    i felt sick and thought it was something i ate and it went on for hours before i recognised it was a gut feeling.

    then i snooped and found the messages. Its mind boggling how accurate the gut feeling is.

    She said she wants to try and work it out after i asked but im having doubts whether i should.
     
  12. marone

    marone New Member

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    This is EXACTLY what i feel should take place. i feel that the other guy doesnt know about me and that its impossible for her to conspire.
     
  13. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Time to move on she's lying that guy isn't just a friend and I'm pretty sure deep down you know its a lie you're just in denial b/c you don't want to throw away 2 years
     
  14. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    ole boy has been deep dicking your girlfriend, maybe anal, and she has been swallowing his load and kissing you afterwards with his dick taste on her lips. Do you understand what is going on here?
     
  15. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    ......... did you even bother to check the date on the text messages?


    :hsugh:
     
  16. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

  17. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    you need to realize that you do want to walk away.


    now just walk away.
     
  18. Ichinichi

    Ichinichi take dat blue pill

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    I also vote for walking away.
     
  19. Ichinichi

    Ichinichi take dat blue pill

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    You have no evidence for or against whether he is aware of you; some guys don't care.

    And if he don't know about you, that's another strike against the woman in question.
     
  20. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    this gut feeling should answer your question of if you should stay or if you should go.
     
  21. marone

    marone New Member

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    thanks everyone i appreciate the advice.

    doesn't make sense why she is so adament that she isnt lying and that she wants to work it out.

    i gave her the easy option by dumping her, she could just walk away and do whoever she wants for all i care.

    dont get me wrong i am walking away but i still want to see what she has to say.
     
  22. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    because she wants to have her cake and eat it too. not everyone admits they did wrong, even when they get caught.
     
  23. Ichinichi

    Ichinichi take dat blue pill

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    Concur.
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yeah, I'd move on from that. You did the right thing.
     
  25. Mugen92GS-R

    Mugen92GS-R New Member

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    DOT.

    Trust me. Walk away.
     

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