I've posted a similar message to this on many other boards many other times, but I'm extremely depressed right now and I feel the need to post it again. For starters, I am obsessive compulsive and in therapy for it. My obsession is over my sexuality. Not a minute goes by in the day where I'm not thinking about it or analyzing it or checking my reactions to men and women alike...my therapist says I am both obsessive compulsive and going through a sexual identity crisis, and they are feeding one another...moving along. I masturbate to gay porn and have masturbated to it since I was a teenager. It's typically been a sort of off and on thing, a few days here, and a month goes by without doing it. Lately, I've been masturbating to it more often and even thinking about being sexual with another guy. I've also questioned my sexuality since I've been a teen. I've also been picked on a lot and called names (I'm sure you know which). I've had problems with my masculinity; I've never really enjoyed the "typical guy stuff" of sports and cars and talking about railing women. That sort of stuff bores me. Lately, it seems that my feelings for women have all but disappeared. It seems that now I get a stronger reaction to thoughts of gay sex and looking at other guys, and that depresses the hell out of me. I've still been having sex with my friend (female; it's a complicated relationship) lately, but sometimes I will go limp or will be unable to get hard, which only makes me think I'm gay even more. I've had this problem in the past, too. I don't know what to do or what I am or what I want or if I'm just really repressing my homosexuality, or if I'm just delusional that I am gay. At most I think I'm bi, but I really don't want to go through with anything with a guy, but at the same time, like I said, it seems I have no feelings for women anymore. So to me, it seems like I can only push myself to be with a guy and convince myself it's good and OK rather than actually get my feelings back for women. I've gone to gay bars and talked to gay men (briefly) and such with my friend. It seems like gay guys are easier to talk to than women. And again, it seems like I get a stronger reaction to men than to women. I'm very shy and antisocial and depressive and only have a couple of friends, so I'm generally not used to talking to other people period, but I do find gay men far easier to talk to than women. In the perfect world, I would have my feelings and desires back for women and have the confidence to date and be with them, but that all seems like a pipedream. It seems like I've been gay all along and have deeply suppressed that and now I am miserable that it's all coming to the surface. Honestly, I have no clue anymore. This has been going on for far too long and I can't take it. I live with this day to day and nothing changes. It's the same thing and I don't know how much longer I can live with it. Do I sound like a closet case or what? I can say a million more things but I'll leave it at this. Thank you for your time.