SRS Need advice....need to vent....REALLY need a fucking hug.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Synner, Oct 16, 2006.

  1. Synner

    Synner New Member

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    My ex and I broke up 5 months ago. We still talk, still fuck, as long as it's a good day, it's like nothing ever happened. She still says she loves me (I'll say it back, but I won't say it first), still gives me a kiss goodnight every time we part ways for the night....fuckin' headgames.

    I'll admit, I haven't moved on. It's hard to move on when you see someone every day.

    Here's where things get bad....she got engaged to her ex from when she was like 13. She got back in touch with him while she was seeing someone else (who she was cheating on with me the whole time), and a month later, dropped the guy and made the engagement official.

    I did the same thing, but a little earlier. My ex from when I was 16 called me one night complaining about her husband, I cracked a joke about our backup plan (if things aren't working out by the time we're 27, we'll drop everything and run off). She decides to tell me that's why she called; things weren't working out, and from the start, she'd realized she should've just dropped everything and ran off with me when she had the chance. She hasn't gotten divorced yet, but as soon as she does, we'll start planning, and use the planning period to settle into things.

    Now, for the problem. I realized tonight that I can't marry her yet. Still seeing the ex every day, I haven't moved on, and I know I won't until she moves to Florida. I want to move on, I want to get past her and be happy.

    But I also realized that I don't want her to go. I'm not sure what reality is...if I haven't moved on because I still see her, or I still manage to bump into her every day because I haven't moved on.

    I'm confused as hell. I want to marry this new girl....but I can't right now because I won't commit to something unless it's TOTAL commitment. If I've got feelings for someone else, I'll work the feelings out before I do anything serious so I can devote everything to a serious relationship.

    At the same time, I've spent 2 1/2 years with the latest ex (2 years dating/engaged, half a year hanging out as "friends.")....and I don't know if it's just my mood tonight, but I think I'm at the point that I'd willingly seriously mess up her plans to keep her around. (Side note: As a guy, am I obligated to tell the other guy that she's been cheating on him since they started talking again?)

    Basically....I know I'm still stuck on the ex. I can't make myself get past that; deep down, I don't want to. But I really love the new girl, and I'd love for things to work out....but if I mess things up between the ex and her new guy, I know she'll still talk to me, it's happened before. I know this will start a fight between them that won't be settled nicely, but I know it'd keep her around. And the way life is going, I need her right now....she's the only one that is comfortable with my fucked up ways, and I don't think my new girl can really handle it.

    I want the ex back, even if it's just for closure. One last chance to make things work. I know it's a mistake, but I'm willing to make it.

    Is this what REAL love does to a person after a breakup, or am I just clinging to comfort?
     
  2. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    For me it'd be simple, she's a cheater and thus worthless so I would have no trouble moving on. On the point of seeing her every day, WHY? If there is no reason for this (ie you work at the same place) then STOP IT. 99.99% of the time seeing an ex as friends is a bad, bad, BAD thing.

    You don't have an obligation to tell the guy that she is cheating, though if I was that guy I'd appreciate it greatly.

    I don't think you are clinging to comfort, more like clinging to certain pain. Stop it.
     
  3. JS1

    JS1 sup

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    Group Hug!
     
  4. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Your brain releases 'love chemicals' and you are hooked on them. Cut off all contact and re-assess later.
     
  5. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    No, you don't. If you did you would have ended it with the ex- and stopped all this gamesmanship a while ago.

    This is serioiusly fucked up. It's not your job to tell him you're trying to fuck up his relationship, no.

    This is not "REAL" love. Real love would have meant not cheating on someone and not going with someone who was cheating on her partner.

    Before you do anything with anyone else, how about you end it with the ex- and take 6 months and not be with anyone? Get your head clear first, then see what you want.
     

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