SRS Need advice for my best buddy - v. he's feeling lonely

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by newsroom_can, Feb 14, 2007.

  1. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2001
    Messages:
    17,218
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver, BC
    So, I was talking to my best friend recently and he was telling me that he feels so lonely and bit depressed. We've been best buddies for nearly ten years now and I don't think I've seen him depressed like this.

    Since grade 11 or grade 12, he started to have a great interest in Japanese culture and Japanese stuff. After we graduated from high school, he became more interested in Asian stuff and consequently majority of his friends were ESL students from Japan. (He's a white btw.) He even travelled to Japan twice or so over the last five years.

    Few years later, most of his friends - except me and one other - were ESL students from Japan. Of course the problem with ESL students is that they only stay in Canada for a short-term and they all have to go back to their home.

    Also over the last few years, he had two serious girlfriends. (Both Japanese) He was with the first one for four years and they had to break up because she had to go back home. Soon after, he was going out with this other Japanese girl and they were going out for one year. They had to break up recently because she had to go back home.

    Then just a week after he broke up with his second girlfriend, he started to hang out with this other Japanese girl. They knew each other for a year but he didn't do anything or hung out with her because he had a girlfriend.

    He said nothing happened but he started to have feelings for her after getting to know her more. This week, that girl also went back to Japan.

    Now, most of his friends have gone back to Japan. I think several of them went back within last two or three months. He was telling me that I am pretty much his only friend left in Canada. So I am his only Canadian friend.

    He's saying that he is the type of person that hates being alone and wants to feel loved. He also said that he loves being in a good relationship.

    Although we are best buddies, we seem to have very different view on relationships. I guess I believe that you can have sex without much emotional involments and you don't always have to be in a serious relationship. Right now, I am just enjoying my single life and I don't miss having a girlfriend that much.

    My friend, on the other hand, thinks that you should be more emotionally involved to have sex and it is better that way. Like I said above, he also said that he loves being in a serious relationship.

    In a way, I guess I can understand what it's like to not have any friends because when my family first moved to this province 10 years ago, I didn't have any friends. It wasn't a good summer. But I made lots of friends as soon as the school started in September.

    On the other hand, I've never really had problem with being alone or not having a girlfriend or being in a relationship. And I don't have to have a girlfriend to "feel loved."

    He wants to go for coffee with me. I want to help out my best friend but I am not quite sure what to tell him. Any advice? Oh an I know it was long... so thanks for reading all this. :)

    Cliffs: My best buddy has great interests in Asian stuff and most of his friends and his girlfriend were ESL students. Now they all went back home and he doesn't have any friends left in Canada. He feels depressed and he says that he hates being alone.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    He should move to japan?

    Personally i think you should advice him to give a swing to his life and tell him that he needs to step towards the people or move to Japan, so he can enjoy something more permanent in his life when it comes to relationships. What he needs more probability of the gf staying with him for the rest of his life. So he needs to cut out the LDR thingie and turn them in to short distance relationships.
     
  3. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    That's pretty much what I thought when I read it, too. If he enjoys Japanese culture and gets on famously with Japanese women, why is he choosing to live here?
     
  4. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2004
    Messages:
    19,688
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto
    Move to Japan? I think that's easier said than done. :o

    Do they allow any immigration at all?
     
  5. Redneck Shinobi

    Redneck Shinobi Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2006
    Messages:
    7,506
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver, BC
    You can but you have to renouce your citizenship to become a japanese citizen. He's in Vancouver and can't find a japanese that lives here? Has he been to Richmond? LOL....

    I also know where he is coming from. I can't have sex with someone I don't connect with on more than a attractiveness level. I waited 8 years before I got into another relationship and now I feel ready, I'm also white and my gf is chinese...
     
  6. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Why didn't he move to Japan with that girl he was with for 4 years? Sounds like they should have been engaged or something.
     
  7. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2001
    Messages:
    17,218
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver, BC
    Thanks for your input guys. I've talked to him about this and basically I told him that he needs to learn to be alone and that he doesn't need to have a girlfriend all the time.

    His mom also gave him the same advice.
     
  8. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2001
    Messages:
    17,218
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver, BC
    Basically he said he couldn't move to Japan because he is still in school. But it sounds like he wants to move to Japan once he finishes his school. (He even studies Asian studies.)

    I know he really wants to move to Japan and I also told him that he should move to Japan if he really llikes that country.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2007
  9. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2001
    Messages:
    17,218
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver, BC
    :rofl:

    Interestingly enough, he seems to hate Chinese people.... :hsugh:
     
  10. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2001
    Messages:
    17,218
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver, BC
    Oh and he even talks about getting married in Japan and say that I have to be his best man. He is keep asking me if I will go to Japan for his wedding. :eek3d:
     

Share This Page