Need advice about long distance relationship

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by GTSlow, Jun 9, 2006.

  1. GTSlow

    GTSlow New Member

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    I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over 2 years now. About 4 months after we started dating she moved back to Japan where she is from originally. She finished her degree there, and I am still in school here. I have about 2.5 years of college left and she is working in Japan. From my understanding (at least with her company) she is only allowed to take off about a week of vacation every year. Her job seems to be extremely exhausting because of her weird hours and the fact that she has to commute 1.5 hours one way to work everyday on the trains.

    At this point I am only able to see her a couple times a year. I normally go there for 3 weeks during one of my breaks (summer or winter) and she comes here or we meet somewhere for her week vacation.

    Things seem to be taking longer than I expected because I transferred to another University and I have to retake a few classes. She is very hesitant to get married with me before I graduate, but I'm already having a hard time missing her. The conversation has come up often about getting married before I graduate and money really isn't an issue right now if we did get married. She tells me she is enjoying her job right now and wants to work there longer, she has already worked there 1 year. She's told me that she wants to live here with me, yet it is very hard to wait for her while all of my friends around me are in great relationships.
    I am 22 and she is 24 btw.
    Do you guys/gals have any tips or advice for me??
     
  2. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    That's a really tough thing. However, since you're still committed to each other in spite of the distance, that's a great thing. I also hear a lot of respect for each other as you both work out what you want to prepare yourselves for your future. That will serve you well in the long run.

    I don't think your age has anything to do with it. If you've found the one you want, then stick with it. You've already proven that you have the stamina for the long haul.

    What WILL be very difficult, and could be a deal breaker, is the year when you get back into each other's lives. Hubby and I did LDR for 3 years (after being together in the same location for 4 months, same as you)and the first year of our marriage was rough. I had a different idea of what it would be like than he did. What we eventually discovered is that we are very independent people. Each relationship has a "yours", a "mine" and an "ours." Our "ours" has always been smaller than the average couple. It took us a long time to realize that that was okay. People sometimes look at us and wonder how we do it, but we've found a compatible person. It works for us. You may find the same thing. Just realize that your relationship is not like anyone elses. (BTW, we will be married 17 years next month.)

    As for being in 'great' relationships, I think you are. It's just a different one. Personally, I think it's great that you respect her enough to not say that you want her to quit her job to wait on you hand and foot. I'm sure she's torn too. And it's a big thing for a woman to have a fulfilling job in Japan. I can understand why she's loath to give it up. In fact, I think it would be a great experience if you lived in Japan with her for a while...Living in a foreign country is surely an experience. I'm assuming she is outside of Tokyo if her commute is 1.5 hours.

    BTW, that 1 week vacation is pretty typical of Japanese companies. I doubt if she moved jobs there it would be different. I think they get a long vacation every 5 years or so.
     
  3. foad

    foad New Member

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    Long Distance FTL :fawk:
     
  4. GTSlow

    GTSlow New Member

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    ummm ya my post wasn't in the main forum
     
  5. GTSlow

    GTSlow New Member

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    Thanks for the great advice!!! Before I read your post this morning I talked to my girlfriend and worked a lot out. Although I really miss her and I want her to pack up and come over here, I just want her to be happy. It must be hard for anyone to leave the life they know and are comfortable with so I'm just going to be patient and supportive of her.
     
  6. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    You're welcome, though there wasn't any advice there. Just some observations and my personal experiences.
     
  7. hatomaki

    hatomaki New Member

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    Just wanted to point out some other possible issues, and perhaps play a bit of devil's advocate. As stated above, I also respect your relationship strength thus far, and happy for you that it has worked out regardless of the rather "extreme" distance. However, you must be aware of the cultural differences that will be a major factor in her decision to be a permanent fixture in your life, or not. If she moves to the states, she will fit in most anywhere, but if you move to japan, you will fit in precisely no where. Regardless of your lvoe for each other, if she decides her career must come first, then that decision will come to you; to leave her or to go there. Japan is a very tough country to live in, especially, and uniquely for foreigners. It is not as culturally stifling as it once was but the Xenophobia its still entreanched in their society and Americans dont fit in any better than any other nationalities. After spending 4 years there myself, I came to lvoe the country, and the people on the surface, but it will be a serious adjustment, and you must ask yourself if you can handle that life.

    I wish you both the best of luck.
     

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