need a female perspective on some things...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by glass, Apr 26, 2007.

  1. glass

    glass New Member

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    i don't really have a diverse range of female friends, so i thought i'd put this out there and see what the ladies thought. any help would be appreciated..

    also i get a lot out of this forum just reading, so please feel free to fill this thread with your own scenarios too. context matters a lot, so take some effort to be concise in your writing if you do want help.

    =====

    question 3:

    would a woman feel more comfortable joking about love/romance with someone they were interested in (over someone they weren't interested in)? or is it just to do with how comfortable she is with the person in general?

    for example, i send an SMS about her breaking my heart all the time, jokingly. i figure she might not reply either because:
    (a) she wouldn't want me to read too much into her reply, even if she makes it jokingly, or
    (b) she's shy, has feelings for me, and is flabbergasted at how i can joke about such things.

    which one is more likely, in general?

    (note that i mentioned love/romance, not sex.)

    =====

    question 2:

    girl has a friend i can't stand (and knows i can't stand him) and says talking to him is like talking to a girl, that the guy might be gay, etc. she does get quite giddy around this guy, a mood i could never get out of her.
    - is she trying to make me jealous of how close the guy is to her, or less jealous by calling him a fag?
    - can i take this as an indication of interest in the guy?
    - can i take this as an indication of interest in me?

    =====

    question 1:

    girl mentions on Valentine's day that she feels like she's just wasting time in this city, and would probably go back to her hometown if she wasn't tied down to a job.
    - she broke up with her bf 9 months ago; i was 'the' guy at her graduation that met her family.
    - by mentioning this on Valentine's day, i'm thinking she was giving me a hint that i was "wasting her time" and i should've made a move long ago (had no intention to.. platonic all along). am i correct?
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2007
  2. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    dude what the fuck, NEVER ask girls for advice on pickup. what the fuck. They have no clue what they respond to on an emotional leve. I bet you've gotten "let's just be friends" a billion times (if you even muster up the balls to make a move). Look, read every single post of mine in this subforum. And read every single one of Yail's. And god, I don't even know where to start
     
  3. fray

    fray New Member

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    1: Either really thinks that way or was letting you know that she didn't have anyone here and you were free to make a move (seems more likely than you were wasting her time, etc.)

    2: May just know your feelings about him, regardless of whether she digs you or not, so she says stuff about him to kinda buffer it, so she doesn't have to hear about how you don't like him.

    There really isn't much context provided on either to really guess at what's going on.
     
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I can't say anything without a lot more information. Your posts barely give any info at all and are kind of confusing.

    Girl 1-were you on a date with her on valentines or just hanging out as friends? If you were just friends then she may have just been thinking about how she wants to move and you are trying to turn it into something to do with you.

    Girl 2-again, what is the situation with her? Friends, dating, what? We can't determine how she feels about you or the guy without more info. Neither of these scenarios means much of anything by themselves. You said if girls post stuff that "context matters a lot" yet you posted no context for either of these.
     
  5. glass

    glass New Member

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    yeah i guess this thread concept will be tough to get working, since usually plenty of context is necessary to give unqualified opinions. i didn't want to do that because it's easy to lead the reader to the conclusion you prefer. it's better if i just use my judgement, instead of asking people to immerse themselves in a huge wall of text. (oh and i meant if other guys post a scenario, try to give context but not to write a 3000 word essay).

    both are just friends who i've known for about 2 years, though we go on outings with date-like overtones quite often. they're both single, and both scenarios occurred while hanging out as friends.
     
  6. MoonlitDragon

    MoonlitDragon New Member

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    No, not at all. Anyone can blurt out something they feel or think that's totally unrelated to other interests/desires they might have - with absolutely no underlying agenda and without realizing that someone else might take it wrong. I'd say it would be a mistake to try guessing one way or another on this. Even if you have good odds of guessing it right, you could still get it wrong and where would that lead you?

    If you want to know how she really feels about YOU in relation to other aspects of her life you need to just ask her. Bring it up in a round-about way, if you don't want to do it directly. Either way, unless you both talk about it somehow, you'll never know.

    This guy she talks to is her confidant -- and that makes him very important to her. He might even be the only person she has in her life she trusts enough to open up to about personal subjects. He probably understands her and knows how to listen without making her feel small or stupid.

    I'd look at him as being completely separate from her contact with you. [1] If she was interested in him the way you're wondering about, then what does she need you for? The fact that she shows interest in you means his friendship or her expectations towards him don't go that far. [2] If she told you she thinks he's gay, that might have been for reassurance. That still doesn't tell you how interested she is in you.... and again, that could be unrelated.

    I think the main thing is figure out how to tolerate him as you get to know her better (as you said already that you don't like him). Even if you and this girl end up together in a long-term relationship.. she still needs her other friends and confidants. Don't feel so threatened about these questions/doubts/possibilities that you won't give her the room she needs to keep her friends, too.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Your style of writing gave me a headache and I gave up on reading :dunno:
     
  8. glass

    glass New Member

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    question 3:

    would a woman feel more comfortable joking about love/romance with someone they were interested in (vs someone they weren't interested in)? or is it just to do with how comfortable she is with the person in general (a better friend can get away with more jokes)?

    for example, i send an SMS about her breaking my heart all the time, jokingly. i figure she might not reply either because:
    (a) she wouldn't want me to read too much into her reply, even if she makes it jokingly, or
    (b) she's shy, has feelings for me, and is flabbergasted at how i can joke about such things.

    which one is more likely, in general?

    (note that i mentioned love/romance, not sex.)
     
  9. fray

    fray New Member

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    Personally, I would say depends more on comfort (and individual personality), although the manner of joking will probably be different for interested vs. non-interested. Interested will be flirty joking. However, if it's a 'she knows you're interested in her and she wants nothing to do with you like that' situation, then it's likely to be uncomfortable and is a topic that would be avoided.

    With regards to your texts and her not responding...probably she doesn't feel that way and you're putting her in an awkward position, so she's ignoring it. But I could be wrong...considering you have told us nothing about said girl.
     
  10. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    How old are you?
     
  11. 16 is my assumption.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I read to here and stopped. I just want you to know, when guys say that, even as a "joke" it turns me off faster than anything.
     
  13. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    :werd: she didn't reply because it's a pathetic thing to say. You'd have better luck with women if you never say lame things like that again. Even if the girl initially liked you that would turn her off.
     
  14. Jacy

    Jacy red lipstick brigade

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    i agree. it's a bit annoying when guys say this :o
     
  15. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    You have a long ways to go, bro. I'm not going to answer. Take my advice and start figuring out things for yourself the same you would in a science expiriment and NEVER ask a girl for her opinion on this kind of things.

    you have feelings for her. here's a quick cocktail to put all the chances on your side.

    1. disappera for a week. dont see her/talk to her/sms/email or even sign on instant messengers
    2. call her up and say "im taking you out to _____" today
    3. show up, flirt with her, and kiss her. NO SERIOUS DISCUSSION AT ALL.
    4. when you go for the kiss you'll know if she accepts or not
    5. if she doesnt accept, MOVE THE FUCK ON
     
  16. glass

    glass New Member

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    ouch!

    well, thanks for the opinions... the bluntness is appreciated. i don't have much to add except that my situation is probably not as disastrous as it looks. i guess i can rest easy in the meantime.
     

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