SRS My worst fear v. alone in a new city; don't know anyone

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by timatom90, Jan 15, 2007.

  1. timatom90

    timatom90 New Member

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    So I'm not actually in a new city by myself... but hypothetically, if you have to move for whatever reason (job, etc.) to a new city where you don't know anyone (and the ppl at work aren't your type), how do you go about making friends? bar scene? clubbing? i have no idea.

    Help me calm my fears OT!
     
  2. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    If you're moving to a new city for the first time, how would you ever know your future coworkers "aren't your type" before you even got to know any of them?
     
  3. timatom90

    timatom90 New Member

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    well i mean hypothetically, if you're already there, and you find out your coworkers aren't the kind you'd like to hang around out of the work environ, then how do you make friends?
     
  4. timatom90

    timatom90 New Member

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    anyone?
     
  5. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    I take it you don't gamble much. ;)
     
  6. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    In fact, why the hell are you looking at the worst "fear" case scenario? Why don't you look on the other side of the fence to see what the best case scenario looks like?

    What if you moved to a new city and you met the most awesome friends at work? If you never take risks... you'll live the rest of your life regretting "what-ifs". I guess its up to you which one sounds better.
     
  7. timatom90

    timatom90 New Member

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    haha no i dont... but thanks for one possible solution: casinos
     
  8. Nolimitation

    Nolimitation Guest

    In my case most of my co-workers are in their 50s++++ and married with children. Their nice people, but they don't do the things we do.
     
  9. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    bar scene and clubbing only works if youre the kind of person who does that all the time anyways

    best way to meet people: clubs

    join clubs that do things you're interested in. Go over and meet your neighbors, tell them you're new in town, and would appreciate it if they told you about any social events you could attend. Invite your neighbors over for house/backyard parties, etc

    It's all a matter of making yourself socially available and visible, and not sitting around waiting for someone to make the effort to meet you
     
  10. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    My sis just up and moved to colorado a couple of years ago. Her decision seemed to come from out of the blue but she'd been dreaming about it for a long time. She didn't know anyone there but met a bunch of ppl in church. She actually was able to build quite the circle of friends in a very short period of time.
     
  11. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    I would not start clubbing to make friends. It becomes a cyclic existance of drinking and partying, and not truley making friends.

    This sounds rediculous, but bible study groups, joining the best gym you can find, taking (pay to go) university courses of your interest that last 4-8 weeks, college or university itself, going to the library and striking up conversation with intelligent people, and being in areas of learning or self improvement great increase success in finding friends.

    You do not want to go into (dare I say it) places of self indulgence (club scenes, bars, casinos). People there are more concerned with themselves reside there (they are trying to have a good time).

    However, if you go to places of self improvement, chances are they are trying to make friends and meaningful relations there aswell.

    I hope you find some fruitful ideas in this post.
     
  12. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    i went through this about a year and a half ago, moved 400 miles away from my hometown to a new city where i knew no one. I spent the first few months bored and alone but then applied for a p/t job at a retail mall store. I worked there for about 6 months and made a few good friends, then you meet their friends, etc. etc.
     
  13. timatom90

    timatom90 New Member

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    Thanks for the suggestions and help guys!
     
  14. timatom90

    timatom90 New Member

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    Church group sounds like a great idea! Thanks!
     
  15. shangrilarcadia

    shangrilarcadia A lady

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    Figure out what kind of people are "your type" and start hanging out where they hang out (which theoretically would be where you would want to hang out anywasy). You like music? Start going to concerts. Reading? Hang out in bookstores. Dancing? Go to a dance club. Etc. You will meet people just by being there and being willing to talk to new people
     
  16. Isamu

    Isamu New Member

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    it happens fairly regularly to us in the military.. and sometimes it's to a place we don't wanna live.. but you deal with it.. you have to go out and do the things you like, you tend to meet people that are into the same things as you. aslong as you don't sit around your house/apartment moping
     
  17. timatom90

    timatom90 New Member

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    props to men and womens in military

    thanks guys!
     
  18. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Thank guru Dave Steel :bigthumb: :bigthumb:
     
  19. FurryFriend

    FurryFriend New Member

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    On a whim, I moved to a new city about 300 miles away. Did it literally two weeks of thinking about it. Quit the old job, gave notice to my landlord and left town without finding a job in the new city first. 300 miles was far enough from my old life but still close enough so that I can return a few times a year.

    Thinking about it, it was the fucking best thing I've ever done. Turns out, I got a really good job where I moved to. Bad thing was, the social life sucks. It's hard finding friends once you're out of school. And my workplace has mostly old farts and family types...not socially active 20somethings like me.

    One good thing about being in a new city is that you can lie about who you are. Your age, background, profession, etc. It doesn't matter. It's a new start and nobody knows the real you. In a way, we all have our dirty little secrets. Being in a new city helps you able to hide them better. I've been thinking of going to church myself even though I've never been inside one. Again, being in a new city, the people I might meet there doesn't know I'm a lifelong atheist. I can just bullshit my way thru it. I should read Cliff Notes on the Scriptures first though.
     
  20. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I moved and walking my dogs in business districts helped me meet tons of people. I also met people through co-workers, shopping (saying hello to employees, asking them on dates), becoming a "regular" at restaurants/bars, and just out and about.

    Hold your head up high, say "Hi" to people, smile, and you'll meet people sooner or later.
     
  21. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    How can you find yourself if not even others can find you?

    You are like George Constanza or something.

    I have secrets I have never spoken outside of my mind.

    However, they do not make me, even though they make my past. I will feel a huge relief after 5-10 years of marriage when I can finally unviel some of my deepest secrets.

    Stop living a sham. I would see you as an athiest, I would easily be able to see you are not interested in the scipture. As soon as I started to try to talk to you about the deeper meanings (pychological meaning) of the passage, I would probally lose you.

    A true Christian with ears to hear with would probally be actually absorbed in every word.

    Be true to yourself and others, so you can work out your defects (lying being such a terrible one for yourself), and when you are true to yourself and others they will love you for who you are.

    Trust me, it is much easier then acting like you are on stage in front of friends.

    The worse friendships I have encountered have been the fake ones.

    The best memories of my life have come from true friendships!

    What do you have to hide? And if you have something to hide, then what is the point of meeting people you cannot ever tell?

    I know you may not like hearing what I said, but reacting in anger is foolishness. Realise that life is hard enough and maybe you should think that your behavior now may be the reason you had to move 300 miles away in the first place.

    Good luck friend.
     
  22. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Something critical I self discovered was that I was not constantly smiling.

    Ever since I have gone around with a charming smile, and said Hi to people just waiting around, how many faces I am familar with. How many people I can now smile and say hello to in the hall.

    In other words, what a differance!

    Life is hard and a lot of people go around with a fierce, tough look on their face. People may be suffering, so they are obviously attracted (friendship or otherwise) to those who are smiling! "Why is he smiling, why is he full of love and peace, and happiness! It might be worth my while to find out!"
     
  23. FurryFriend

    FurryFriend New Member

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    No offense, but it's OK if you see thru me. You don't sound like the type I'd have as a friend anyway. Because, honestly, you're right...I have little interest in the Scriptures. Many people attend church only because they're compelled by parents or, like me, use it as a meet market.

    Back in college, I dated a "true Christian". She knew I was non-religious and she didn't care. Not everyone is obsessed with other people's religious beliefs or get offended when an atheist is in their myst. Besides, if I were super religious and an atheist attends my church, I'd think it was cool that someone wants to learn about the Scriptures and socialize with us. Of course, you'll always have the zealots who would get offended and felt being tresspassed on. But that's fine because zealots aren't my cup of tea anyway.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2007
  24. timatom90

    timatom90 New Member

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    :werd:
    so how do you go about making friends/meeting ppl after you're out of school?
     
  25. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Can you tell me which athiest would want to learn.

    And then can you tell me why you think *authentic* i use that loosely Christians use the church as a meet market... and no one is prodded there after age 12...

    And zealots. Come on. Why dont you just admit you are athiest to them and are just interested in seeing viewpoints and making friends. You are going there and saying you are a Christian.

    I have no idea how you validate that.

    You seem to be okay with it though, George. I will leave that one alone.
     

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