SRS My wife is depressed

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by wisdomdriven, Oct 26, 2006.

  1. wisdomdriven

    wisdomdriven New Member

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    We have 2 daughters, 2 and a half & 6 months old. We never see each other, she tried to get stuff done around the house, but she always feels that nothing ever gets done. She complains to me that she doesn't feel her life is worth anything. She's said that she just wants to die. We're broke right now, so all we really do is work around the clock. I work 2 jobs, 6 days a week, she works the hours i'm not at work @ again, we never see each other. I try not to fix her problems or emotions. I try to just listen to her & tell her that it will get better & that I love her & that she's important to me & that our family would fall apart without her, but nothing has helped.

    Please, I need some advise or ideas to cope with this.
     
  2. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Please have her see her doctor immediately. Did she have post partum depression after your first child was born?
     
  3. gk1998

    gk1998 OT Supporter

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    I wish you all the best. :wtcd: My suggestion would be to get professional help, both in getting your financial situation in order, and also to help your wife get her life more organized and managable.


    good luck to you and your kids
     
  4. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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  5. wisdomdriven

    wisdomdriven New Member

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    She suffered a little bit of post partum with the first, but that went away. She was fine at first with the new born.

    I was thinking she should see a doctor, too. But she doesn't have a doctor she sees regularly, apart from her OB-GYN.
     
  6. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Don't make excuses. She can see her OB-GYN. Just because she had a little bit of depression at first and it went away does NOT mean this can't still be post partum depression.
     
  7. wisdomdriven

    wisdomdriven New Member

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    I dont deny that it can be post partum. I dont know at all whats going on with her. I cant make her feel better, but i'll suggest to her to set up an appointment to see her ob-gyn. I just hope he doesn't start her up on any meds that will keep her from breastfeeding. Maybe he can suggest someone else she can go see.
     
  8. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I had post partum depression pretty badly. If what you say is true (that she is to the point where she's thinking of suicide) she truly needs help immediately. You CAN'T make her feel better. You won't understand what's going on with her. That is what her doctor is there for.

    There are antidepressants that allow a woman to breastfeed while she is on them.

    Having two very young children and never seeing your husband can be an incredibly overwhelming thing (I'm sure it's overwhelming for you too!). Is it possible for either one of you to rearrange the work schedules so that you can be together as a family?
     
  9. wisdomdriven

    wisdomdriven New Member

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    Actually, I'm working on that. My second job will soon be turning into my full time job. Hopefully, if all works out according to plan, I'll be able to work this job & my wife will be able to work fewer hrs per week, allowing up to see each other more often. Another thing that is working at her is that she is really unhappy at her current job. I wish we could afford for her to quit & look for another job. I'm hoping that within the next few months we'll be able to afford for her to start looking for another job & even some unemployed time for her if needed.

    Only time will tell.
     
  10. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    she needs to see a doctor ASAP.

    She should be able to get a referral from a GP. Maybe the OB has someone who specalizes in post-partum depression.

    Either way, this is extremely serious and if you don't take it seriously, it's going to explode.
     
  11. wisdomdriven

    wisdomdriven New Member

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    Ok, well, i'm on my way home. I'll check in & let you guys know what's up.

    Thanks for the advise.
     
  12. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

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    vasectomy!!!
     
  13. scirio

    scirio Active Member

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    for some the last thing they want to be is "depended on."
     
  14. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    If she hadn't just had another child I might agree with you, but she honestly needs to see a doctor immediately. Thoughts of suicide are a huge red flag and should be taken seriously.
     
  15. TeddiBearHug

    TeddiBearHug New Member

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    You guys need to discover the cause of her depression before jumping into anti-depressants. Seriously; if the cause is a chemical imbalance that anti-depressants fix - great. But if it’s another cause, they won’t help long term. Like – if somebody’s depressed because they’re feeling (for example) overworked, anti-depressants won’t make the real cause go away. It'll bite ya back in the long run.

    Some people thrive with being depended on so much and for others it’s just stress.

    First make sure she’s getting enough vitamins and healthy food & drink and don’t neglect the importance of orgasms and sleep.

    One thing about the chore of getting things done around the house is that it never ends – dishes, floors, clothes need to be cleaned again and again and again – it can lead to depression. I wonder if she has anything she does that is more finalizing? – like a hobby that brings satisfaction when finished. The list of subjects is long, but like if she knitted a blanket, it would be finished when she was done and not a never-ending chore. She would feel like the time spent was worth something – the finished product. Planning, creating and finishing something brings satisfaction and that can fix depression.

    Make sure she has time to at least look through the other job offers out there now – and not just when she’s allowed to – or granted permission - to move to a better job path. At least for curiosity’s sake and the option to imagine about it. It’s very depressing to go to a job every day that ya can’t stand – and anti-depressants won’t cure that.

     
  16. Shattered Soul

    Shattered Soul New Member

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    Please, I need some advise or ideas to cope with this.[/quote]
    well for one you need to find a special time that only you and her can be together with no inturptions and let her know how special she is to you and ues gestures and words... just mane her feel special and if that doesn't work you may consider getting proffesional help... but I suggest you talk to her first. ;)
     
  17. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I think all the advice here is good. I think having her see a doctor is important, but certainly Viper's advice about making time for each other is something you should pay heed to. I think given the choice between losing my family or perhaps loosing a few material things is pretty clear.

    Also, assuming you're a great father with your two young ones, another thing that may be important with your wife is taking care of the things around the house. Keep the house clean and do some of the chores. A girl friend of mine hates it when her husband uses his child as an excuse why he doesn't help clean the house even when she's the main breadwinner. She tells me he's a great father, but over time his laziness with everything else has driven her to the point of depression.

    Help your wife feel like she's not in it alone. Good luck
     
  18. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Let me state for the record that I completely agree with Viper, BUT she needs to see a doctor in addition to doing all of those things.
     
  19. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    wisdomdriven, you and your wife need counseling. If you don't have money to pay for it, you could get it free from a local church.

    http://www.stpaulpca.org/
     
  20. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    I agree as well. Viper makes a lot of sense and in fact, I think he's right but if she's talking suicide 6 months after having a kid, she needs to also see a doc.

    I don't think that fact is up for debate at this point..
     
  21. wisdomdriven

    wisdomdriven New Member

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    Well thank you all for your concern & advise. since the last I've posted here, my wife took a day off from work & we went out to dinner (as a family) & went to the park. My wife ran through a fountain with my daughter & had tons of fun. I've called my wife constantly on the phone & just tried to keep communication between us open. Today, while finishing up with my 1st job & on my way to my second, I stopped at home to find that she had cooked a nice dinner for us. So we sat down & had a lovely dinner. Afterwards I told her I loved her, shared a lovely kiss & came to work. I think she's feeling a little better. We talked a little about how she was feeling. She thinks it may be post partum, too. I told her that maybe she should try to talk to someone like a doctor or a councelor that deals with that type of depression to see if there would be any good advise they could give. She seemed to be happy about the coversation.
     
  22. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    One thing that bears repeating is that seeing the end in sight will help. Make a plan for transitioning out of your current situation and, more importantly, stick to it! Set SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Tangible goals - [link] for more info) - in other words, make your goals finite so that she's not waiting for "someday". She needs to see sustained progress (goals that are set are continually met) to really feel that change is happening, and both of you should be committed to making that happen.
     
  23. kultura

    kultura Guest

    I would suggest maintaining the good activities you where enjoying. Try do more things togheter.
     

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