SRS My wife has all the sudden become depressed, how do I help?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JubeiATL, Nov 8, 2006.

  1. JubeiATL

    JubeiATL New Member

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    So recently (the past 6 months or so) my wife has been sporadically depressed. It's not all the time, but she will have bouts of 2 week long, severe depression. She says she never experienced this before we had a kid in 2005. When she's depressed, it's like she withdraws from things around the house, and just sits and mopes. She mistakes my concern for me "hating her" even though I assure her I love her very much. I just want to help her out, but it seems like her depression causes her to reject my support. I hate to say it, but it's also starting to affect me, because I'm comstantly having to tell her I love her, console her, etc. Plus, I'm having to do all the work around the house because she just sits and watches TV, plays with our 1 1/2 year old daughter, and plays online board games. Sometimes I'll travel for a couple of days for work, and when I return the house is in shambles. I mean, like molded sippy cups and trash scattered on the floor. Any advice? I've never suffered from depression, so I don't know how to help her.
     
  2. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    She needs to see a doctor, and seeing a therapist would also help.
     
  3. JubeiATL

    JubeiATL New Member

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    I've suggested seeing a therapist, but she just gets upset when I say that. I'm trying to get her to at least ask her OB/Gyn if it seems like typical post-partum depression. Until then, I'm just wondering what I need to do to help her. She takes my support as false sympathy and as justification that something is wrong. And then that hurts my feelings, because I feel she doesn't trust and/or believe me.
     
  4. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    honestly, get her to a doctor... that's the best way to help.

    Flattering her with gifts/comments won't last much longer than 30 seconds if she's really depressed.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Telling her to see a therapist, depending on your level of tact, is often tantamount to accusing them of being FUCKING INSANE.

    Certainly many people feel that way, and of course, they don't take too kindly to that suggestion.



    Why don't you start off with your family doctor. Hopefully you have a good one, who can listen to your concerns GENTLY, and then helpfully suggest a consult for the both of you.

    YOU need to just express gentle concern for her wellbeing. Not tell her what the solution is, or tell her she needs her head checked...that is pretty disrespectful.



    Now, I'm sure she is a little nutso, and been quite difficult lately, but based on your account of her comments back to you, it sounds like you're having some trouble finessing your approach to this subject.

    Therefore, you should just express concern for her well being and health. Call it a health issue. Let the family doc render his/her opinion.



    Many spouses don't want to hear shit from their spouse. And they shouldn't, your function in life is to support her no matter what. I know you feel you ARE supporting her -- by suggesting SOLUTIONS -- but many women can't hear that, and don't find that supportive.

    So let the doctor be the bad guy. You come off golden.

    You can even slag the doctor after you both leave, AND she hopefully will accept medical treatment, so its WIN-WIN.


    You and she must ALWAYS be on the same "team" even if you don't feel it. verstehen sie?

    so....Get it? Good luck to you.
     
  6. kultura

    kultura Guest

    From own experience here... (not my wife but very close)

    The best thing you can do is look up nearest Cognitive Therapist in your phonebook, contact that person and tell him/her whats wrong, then give your wife the phone to talk to the therapist and setup a meeting. Also follow your wife and give her support on the first meeting, the therapist will then decide for how long she has to meet him/her.

    Anything else is a waste of time, both yours and hers.

    I personaly would not suggest drugs, they may help, and the effect will stick for a couple of months, but after that she falls down again.

    Against depression cognitive therapy is the best.
     

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