SRS My Turn, Help me...Diggitydog? Spiritus?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by daxtrader, Apr 25, 2007.

  1. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    So I had an affair with this girl for almost 2 years. We were always great together. Never once fought. I became too attached to her. Beginning of this year though things changed.

    She started acting shady. Stopped talking to me. Wouldn't give me a good reason why she was acting the way she was. To this day I have not had any closure. I haven't spoken to her for about a month now.

    The one mistake I made was introducing her to all of my friends. She continues to talk to them but won't talk to me. I haven't made any attempts to contact her either. My friends, the assholes that they are, flirt with her a lot. I've decided to cut them out of my life.

    So what should i do? I'm trying to forget about her but I get this sickening anxiety sometimes. I'm always afraid of one of my friends hooking up with her. I know I act tough when I give advice to others but I'm just a weak person when it comes to my own situation. I'd really like to hear some of your experiences or thoughts to help me move on.
     
  2. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    There is a big gap in the situation here. Based upon what you've said you two weren't a couple, just FBuddies for two years and it was fun. Then suddenly she stopped talking to you and gave you the cold shoulder. Immediately my first thoughts run down a path of either you coming on too strong and thus ruining (in her eyes) the casual thing you had going, or she herself wanted a committment yet you never did it and she got sick of waiting around for you and felt insulted. Those are the first two possible scenario's that run through my head.

    Or... perhaps you did something or said something that really ticked her off. Or perhaps she's just a selfish bitch. I don't know. You didn't go into too many details.

    IMO, who cares. Shrug your shoulders and hang out with your friends. She's not your girlfriend and based upon how things have progressed between the two of you, you shouldn't even want her to be your girlfriend anyway. I wouldn't want someone in my life who's going to turn the cold shoulder at me for no discernable reason. What if it happens again? Therefore if you do not want to date her, you're not dating her, then she's free to do what she wants. Release any and all of your ego claims on her. If she fucks your friends, who cares. Be the bigger man. When you show how much it bothers you to everyone (and your friends-and her!-will pick up on this) then you show your true colors and feelings. You create drama. Shrug your shoulders and live your life. Find another girl and start dating her ASAP.
     
  3. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    I agree with everything but that. Don't just jump into a relationship.

    Find someone who is good company hang out with her as much as possible and then if it leads to a relationship then thats fine but don't just go out to find someone who is going to be a rebound. Not good for you or her.

    Find someone who is good company and take it from there.

    Other then that. Diggity hit it pretty well.
     
  4. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    DD, your posts are a freaken blessing. I've also read your long post on the other board regarding self-respect. Freaken awesome.

    This girl though has been purposely trying to burn me. The other day she randomly told one of my friend's to tell me how happy she is and how hot her new b/f is. WTF? Personally I think she's b/sing. She's been an emotional wreck for the past few months for reasons I do not know. She keeps changing her story and she knows that whatever she tells my friends will eventually get to me. She loves to play these fucking games.

    Seems so childish. We're adults now and I feel like a fucking idiot for getting involved in this drama. This is like high school shit.
     
  5. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    To be honest with you after reading this post that is quoted I'm glad your not with her anymore by any means. I don't know you/her or the whole situation but she isn't someone you want in your life.

    She would of done nothing good for you in the long run (relationship wise) and I'm pretty sure it would of failed.

    You just need to say "fuck you" in your head and go on about your life.

    Fond someone that makes you happy like it was said before and enjoy your life.

    Don't let her ruin your day.

    You should just tell her friend to tell her that she isn't getting to you and the comments will stop.

    She gets a kick out of it.

    You need the I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ATTITUDE with this one and she will stop faster then you think.

    You might not want that but it's something that will get them to stop.
     
  6. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    Quoted for mothafucking truth! Do you think I should also move on from the friend that's been flirting with her like a mad man? He really pisses me off.
     
  7. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    No. I think you should just remain friends with him but don't communicate as much. Make him call you to hang out then you will see how good of a friend he is.

    Also, open your friendzone circle a bit. Try to find a few new ones.
     
  8. SixSecrets

    SixSecrets New Member

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    I know this is not really the topic, but I often wonder if FBuddies can eventually cross the line and become friends, just platonic, let's hang out together friends?
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I didn't say for him to jump into a relationship, I said to start dating. :bigthumb:
     
  10. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    I guess I shouldn't of said jump into a relationship. The ASAP made me think about that. I got you tho.:bigthumb:
     
  11. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    im here lad, hold on tight while i read this shit
     
  12. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    She is trouble big time man. She's showing her true colors and personally, I'd feel blessed to have her out of my personal life. She thinks she'd got you wrapped around her fingers. Ignore it. Don't get angry, don't get sad, just shrug your shoulders and ignore it.

    Having a new girl around will cause her to see you've moved on and she's lost her hold on you.
     
  13. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    I used the term affair because we both weren't sure where the hell we were headed but wanted to enjoy the ride. The last few months before it ended though we grew closer and she also developed serious feelings. Then finally she just gave me the cold shoulder starting this jan. No explanations. Just random rants and gibberish that I could not understand. I guess this could mean she's having another affair or not. Regardless though, your advice is solid. I don't need a conniving bitch.

    I'm just surprised how someone can become so indifferent in such a short amount of time and I can honestly say that I have absolutely no explanation as to why she is doing this to me. A very good friend of mine was concerned about my situation and asked her why she's not talking to me. All she said to him was "he did something bad." WTF?

    Thanks to everyone for their advice. It's great to see different perspectives on one particular situation.
     
  14. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Not a problem.

    Just move on and don't look over the shoulder!

    You will be back to normal shortly if not already!
     
  15. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Never fighting is not good. Sometimes I will start a little bickering just to give her what she wants. Passion, emotion, drama, the story of her life. Every woman wants that, they will very easily get bored and move on if it is the same thing, so you need to kick up the fire once in a while, give it a good boofing.

    When she starts acting shady, it is almost too late. When she can't come up with good reasons anymore, that is a tenebrous sign. You have had closure, it was just not blatant. It is over, she hurt you, you probably didn't deserve it. I had very strong closure, but that isn't always a good thing, sometimes it rips you apart.

    Good call cutting those friends out of your life. They shouldn't get involved in your business like that. I don't trust my friends like that unless I've known them like that. My friends seem to be separate entities that just get together, and aren't so clicky. They tend to be free floating if you get my drift, so if I felt like there was an issue I could take it up with one of them, not a group of them..

    You can't just fucking forget about her man. It isn't like that. Your brain is hardly wired to just forget about her. You will NOT just forget about her. Almost 5 months since me and my ex broke up, I still have strong feelings towards her. I am with her ex best friend now, and she tells me stories about what her and my ex used to do, and it brings it back like a flash back.

    You won't just get over it. It'll take time, it will hurt. Consciously suffer, learn from the pain. It teaches you a lot, just make sure you don't hide your heart. Let it hurt, let it sink it, it makes you wiser. You are no weaker then I was, I felt the cheating coming on and man it hurt so much.

    Time passed so slowly. It was true hell.

    But

    You become

    So MUCH

    STRONGER
     
  16. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Never get into an "affair" again. Look her directly in the eyes and tell her... "Listen I am not into this dating and fucking around shit. I am a lover, and I am into serious relationships only. I hope you are too", if she cannot reply honestly, get up, grab your shit and walk away.

    Seriously sir, you seem like a very emotional person. You shouldn't display emotions, in order to maintain the masculine impression, but funnel the emotional energy into wise action. Showing affection is one way. Affection actually produces oxytocin, the love chemical. I am a very affectionate person.

    Like I said earlier, you must make sure she is enjoying the ride, throw in bumps, music and whistles... take a random hike with her when she doesn't expect it, it's a life's work to keep a relationship running smoothly, like a car it needs work, gas, oil... you know what I mean?

    She did it to you because of her own selfishness. She is a coward who doesn't have the heart to tell you what she did to you. She never really loved you. It might sound cruel, but if someone really loved you, they would leave you honestly, and not blame it on you. My ex blamed it on me, even though she was all out of her bullshit excuses her final reason was "because you didn't treat me like a queen and marry me"... see? :mamoru: Just crazy shit.
     
  17. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Anyways, I will check back later, ask away, dig inside and come up with some shit you feel I might have went through or that you are going through.

    I am no God of advice. I do realize though that humans suffer similarly.
     
  18. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Don't do that shit again. You will be in the same boat.
     
  19. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Another thing I wanted to add is take that VAST OCEAN of SUFFERING which is a form of ENERGY and convert it into something useful, preferably at the GYM.

    When my ex cheated on me, I joined the gym for four months, no second thoughts about it.

    I went every second day religiously, and made huge gains.

    After the pass expired, I picked up my current girlfriend who just so happened to be my ex's best friend through myspace, I talked to her before.

    She is in love with me, and my body. :naughty:

    Plus it takes your mind off her man. Honestly that is why I am suggesting it to you. You will be making self improvements and becoming more confident for that girl who deserves you, and it helps you get out of that dark and lonely room at night. :hsd:
     
  20. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Not to hijack but......HAHAH that made me laugh! HUGE:rofl:
     
  21. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    Update:

    Today, one of my best friends came clean. He said they have been dating for the past 5 months. I could not believe what I was hearing. He said he came clean because he could not handle the guilt about doing this to me. He says he hasn't been sleeping well because of his guilt. Don't know how much is bullshit, but take it fwiw.

    WTF do I do now? I told them to to have a nice life. Wow I'm still in shock.
     
  22. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    :naughty: :rofl:
     
  23. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    I am so sorry to hear that man. It is unbelievable that she and him, both your supposed friends, would do this to you. He could obviously handle the guilt for five months, he just wanted to make sure you knew what was going down.

    You should be in shock. Sign that you are still human, with emotion. I don't exactly know what to tell you besides that is what I expected, unfortunitly.

    What do you do now? You cut off all contact from them. Then you start to suffer. It will hurt for the next month really bad. You probally didn't do anything to deserve this shit, so don't blame yourself. You fell in with the wrong girl, and the wrong crowd.

    There is nothing you can do to ease the pain but take your mind off the pain. You can't stay alone in your room. :nono: You have to get out. That is why I say the gym. It also releases a lot of chemicals that will help you feel better.

    Cry a lot. You just got backstabbed by a lover and at least one friend. Other friends probally knew, and complacency with a crime is a crime.

    Make new friends. Friends with virtues that despise grimey people. People that don't drink or do drugs too much, people without problems or big vices. I am not talking about churchgoing folk, unless you are cool with that, but the in between, aim for those type of friends.

    I cut off contact with virtually all my old friends who were into drugs, since they would fuck you over like that, I cut it off with my ex and her friends with endless vices (blocking a number of one today who won't stop phoning).

    Again, it's going to hurt a lot man. You can't express the betrayl in words. Just remember that the worse calamities offer the best chances for self discovery. Learn about yourself, and the people that caused this suffering. Next time you will be all the wiser.

    :hugot:

    :sadwavey:
     
  24. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I would have told him I could care less that he's banging that idiot broad, but would be pissed he hid it from me. As a friend he should have more faith in me.
     
  25. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    Thanks for all the advice guys. He's been saying he'll break it off with her. I said it doesn't matter and I have no reason to trust him. She calls me up and says to give her a few minutes to explain herself, I said no. She calls a few more times but I don't pick up. She starts calling my house then. I still don't pick up. Then I just got a few calls this morning but I ignored them. Why is she calling?

    Edit: She took my friend of 15 years away from me. :(
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2007

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