SRS My thoughts. I am lost in this world.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by familyguy101, Jun 22, 2007.

  1. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

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    Every morning I wake up feeling shitty about lots of things. I always wake up with an erection, and i'm pretty sure my whole family has seen it by now. I have no relationship with my family. They are strangers to me, and I am a stranger to them. The ones I hate the most are my father, younger sister, and older sister. I hate my father because he is a very weak man. He runs away from his problems like a little girl. He avoids confrontations and is very submissive to people. He gets way to drunk at gatherings and is very pathetic. He basically makes an ass out of himself and I am ashamed to be his son. I received 0 (zero) guidance from him growing up. He never came to my sports games, he never had any serious talks with me. He is bipolar like I am, so he is either pissed off or over manic, and I can't deal with him either way. Fuck him, he'll never change his ways. I hate my younger sister because I have always hated her. She is a stupid little annoying brat. She is a product of MTV and her friends peer pressure. They are not even actual friends, they just sit around a judge each other. She has no mind of her own. The world would be better off without her. Sad to say though, that she will find herself in my shoes one day, except that she probably won't be able to handle the bullshit like I can, maybe she'll just commit suicide. I hate my older sister because she thinks she is the most well rounded individual on the planet. She also has no mind of her own, and just uses all the euphemisms of the day so she doesn't offend anyone. Her husband is a joke. He is a middle aged fat guy corporate slave. His life is over. Now my older sister pisses me off the most when she butts her stupid fat nose where it doesn't belong. She will ask me uncomfortable questions in front of lots of people, even though she already knows the answer to those questions. I probably wouldn't mind her so much if she would just shut her yap for the next 50 years.

    A little more about myself. I always believed I was special. I always thought I had all the answers and everyone else is an idiot. Today, I don't know if this is true or not. Everyone I talk to seems like a retarded mindless slug. But the catch is that I believe all these people know something I don't. But then again, there is no way that everyone can know something that would prevent them from opening their mouths and just saying something original. It is mathematically impossible. It also pisses me off how nobody talks with each other. People all just walk around taking care of whatever they have to without talking. Why is everyone so quiet? I always believed that the cause of this was because everyone has important things on their minds that they are occupied with and so they can't afford to talk about dumb things. But now I realize that everyone's life is rather empty. Nobody has important things to think about. They have nothing important going on and at the same time they don't say anything to anyone. Who the fuck do these people think they are? Fucken boils my blood.

    This is how my typical day goes. I wake up around 11-12 with an erection. I head over to the computer and I masturbate to get rid of my erection. Even though I brushed my teeth last night, I still have plaque on my teeth in the morning. What the fuck is the deal with that? After I masturbate, I drag myself back to my room and lay in bed for about 2 hours staring at the ceiling, then at the floor, then at my clock, then at my gay posters, then out the window at the beautiful world. While I am laying in bed, I have 0 (zero) thoughts in my head. I am just laying there and looking at things. I don't have a thought. At this point in my day, I simply exist, but I am not conscious. After about 2 hours of this, I am extremely hungry and extremely horny again. I can smell my own funk under the bed covers and I must masturbate again. So, I masturbate and then get in my shitty $800 car and go to Taco Bell. After eating shitty Taco Bell, I feel very tired because the food sucks and I go back to bed. This time I make myself nice and warm and comfortable. It is usually around this time that I start thinking about how my life must be some prank by some supernatural force. I can't imagine how people have the drive/motivation to get out of bed and do shit. What the fuck is the point? I'm usually pretty happy just laying in bed and staring and things, but at the same time, if I had a gun, I would blow my head on the wall. Eventually, I get my ass ready for work and I go to work and usually don't talk to anyone all night, but this week has been a little different. I come home, watch t.v., look at porn, and lay in bed for a few hours until I fall asleep crying about my shitty condition.

    So I start reflecting on my life. I grew up without much supervision from parents. I was the wild child. I was the one your parents didn't want you hanging around with. I eventually made a group of great friends. We would usually do bad things. We would break car windows, light shit on fire, sneak into movies, climb onto roofs of big buildings, etc.. We had the time of our lives doing these things, but somewhere along the line our little empire fell apart. I never made a group of friends that good again. All of my friends since then have been scumbags, losers, or just general creeps. Right now for instance, there are only 2 people I see socially. One of them is a sick motherfucker who likes very young girls. He always contradicts himself and is a big hypocrite. He is selfish, rude, and makes a jackass out of himself all the time. He revs his engine when people are around. This guy barely passed high school and is very stupid. I'm pretty sure his mother smoked crack while she was in pregnant with him. The other friend is a rich boy. He does lots of drugs and claims to have hooked up with many girls and says he fucks them all the time. I never believed him but then I actually met some of these girls and I do now. The girls he chooses are all whores and he likes to take advantage of them. I hate my 2 friends. I don't know how the fuck I ended up with them, but I hate them a lot. I want to make friends with smart, descent people, but I don't know how to act with those kind of people. I have been friends with losers/creeps/psychos for so long that I forgot how to act around good people. I am a good person, I really am. I am just lost. The catch is that those good people that I want to be friends with piss me off for unknown reasons. All I want is a good, happy life. I want a good girlfriend, and be able to enjoy myself. But I can't. I've tried. How do I break the cycle? My shitty friends and shitty family have rubbed off on me too much.

    I want help, but I don't even know how to ask for it. My life is pretty much over. Just put yourself in my shoes for a few minutes and try to see things my way. You never had guidance from anyone, you raised yourself. You didn't know any better, so you grew up kinda fucked up. You never came out of your shell. You never experienced love, your extremely shy, your full of hate and anger for your family and friends, and your extra self conscious. Anxiety controls your life and your best way of reaching out is to be completely silent all the times as you watch life pass you by.
     
  2. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    i love how people choose usernames which describe the complete opposite of their lives. perhaps it's what they are striving for.

    you've had a very interestng, drama filled life, except yours is about 1000 times better. although i'd like to, i don't get to masturbate every morning since there are so many people in my house. thank god i don't have sisters or else i'd probably try to fuck them.

    i own a house, but have no official job. my parents and everyone else are going to be moving away next year. for the first time in a long time i feel the need to marry. or else i'll be living here alone.

    today i found my framed photos which my parents used to keep around now in a dusty drawer in the garage. i don't know what to think about that.

    we've both had great lives. but now it's time to conform to society, mingle with the crowd, and just try to fit in with the rest of the world. i'm going to apply for a job at rite aid. i have other jobs. secret jobs that my parents don't approve of. so why not.

    if it were acceptable i'd have a dog for company and a real doll for sex. but it's not. :p
     
  3. Jadix

    Jadix The Nice Guy

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    life can be fun. Dont judge yourself so harshly. Dont worry about other people. Look at the world like a playground, and dont be afraid to take a fall. Go for it. Do whatever the fuck you want. If the best thing you can think to be doing is lying in bed masturbating for 2 hours, i dont know what to tell you.
     
  4. Jbknight

    Jbknight New Member

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    read the book "how to win friends and influence people", you'll never be friends with anyone that you actually wanna be friends with if you have this attitude. Get a hobby, I play the guitar, workout, and run everyday.. exercise really helps you feel better about yourself, try setting goals for yourself. You cant just sit around and think about life so much, you gotta go out there and live it man. You talk about waking up with an erection like its a bad thing, man who the fuck doesn't wake up with a big one!!? the worst is i really need to go to the bathroom in the mornings and im workin with big poppa down there, thats always a site to see!
     
  5. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    You should fill that 2 hours you do nothing with going to a gym. That way, you can work out while you think about nothing. The working out should liven you up, you'll meet people, and you'll have more overall confidence in yourself. With all this combined I hope you can try to improve your social life.

    As for your family and past, just forget it. It's time to move on and live your life. These days are never coming back and remember that all the time. It's still not too late to break out of the shell and get going. Good luck bro
     
  6. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    how can you be so harsh towards your family? as i read your story you seem like you think they are so bad for different reasons but your life is no better.

    get a hobby! the gym is great, you'll feel better about yourself, have more energy, and get to meet people.
     
  7. Barky

    Barky woof

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    In the end it seems you've despaired in the shallowness of the world's people. I felt this way for a small part of my life as well. Start idealizing something and struggle to become it. Read some Plato, Aristotle, Decartes, Kant, stimulate your thinking and deepen your understanding of the world. Challenge yourself, make life itself a learning experience, soak in EVERYTHING. Read about math, physics, the universe, get curious about the world around you.

    Simply thinking about things will get you somewhere and give you an insight into what it is to be human. There is love out there, my friend, but it is hard to love someone who is miserable all the time. try smiling at someone and just being curious about their day, even someone you dont like or hate (like one of your sisters) and see how much of a difference it will make. Try to love someone despite what you feel, I think you'll see (after a while) that they will change as well.

    this life is too beautiful, complicated, compelling, infinitely complex, enlightening to be empty and idle, GO EXPLORE!!
     

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