SRS My story...a true bore.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by hostcord, Nov 30, 2005.

  1. hostcord

    hostcord New Member

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    Well...hello, I guess I will start this off easy.I just want to be alone. I don't wanna have to go to school. I don't wanna have to think about what could be wrong with me. I don't wanna have to analyze every situation in terms of myself. I am tired of being so flipsy flopsy. I think I am attractive and normal one second...and a freak the second. I am now a senior in High School, and honestly...I don't really remember feeling this bad. I just can't talk to anyone...I don't want to. Then when they don't talk to me I feel like something is wrong with me. I'm a fucking senior...and just wanna cure my ailment before I enter the real world. I understand this may have nothing to do with you and you might have just wasted your time, but I want someone to hear me. If only one person. Now...relate and help, please.
     
  2. hostcord

    hostcord New Member

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    It's just I'm not like everyone else. I like to listen to AAliyah and draw graphics on the computer and read psychological books and relax to a candle beside my computer. I feel like I am 30 years old in a teenager's body. Cars are not cool...b/c I don't have one. Yeah that girl is hot...but so are the 20 other ones. Why can't I live normally the way I wanna live...without feeling left out in school. I don't want to change as much as I have to.

    and another thing...it's just I feel the most normal out of everyone but can't keep from thinking that I'm not normal. ugh being 17 really sucks.
     
  3. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    You're a senior in high school. Generally (and legally) speaking, you're still a kid. You have plenty of time to figure more out.

    Why bother talking to people if you don't want to? You'll have to for life. Just stay active in stuff you want to do, and social interaction will come. Confidence is more important. Just know you're being you, and don't worry about the rest.
     
  4. steve3p0

    steve3p0 New Member

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    I used to think just like you, I'm a senior, too.

    There isn't anything wrong with you. The problem is theirs. Think about it: you will most likely NEVER see these people you are surrounded by right now ever again after you graduate. Whatever they think or say does not matter, it has no impact on you whatsoever. It feels so amazingly good to know this. I don't interact with anyone at school, and I could really care less what anyone thought about me. Whenever I start to feel anxious, I just remind myself about how none of it matters. And its true.

    think of one thing that someone might criticize you about at highschool, right now. think of it and realize how stupid and irrelevant it is, and how ignorant anyone else is that would judge you because of it, and think of how absolutely little their thoughts really matter. the chick that thinks your shirt looks stupid is probably going to end up becoming a prostitute after high school anyway. Fuck that whore. Really, fuck her.

    cheer up emo kid :x:
     
  5. fėnrir

    fėnrir New Member

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    uhhhh.. its gonna be different when you goto college... then you will realize , if you dont socialize, you wont succeed in life.... sad but true
     
  6. hostcord

    hostcord New Member

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    I'm not emo, but heh thanks anyway :coolugh:
     
  7. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    If you don't fit the mold... life gets much, much better after highschool. To be honest, I think you should save some money and go on a nice long trip before proceeding to the "real world" or college after highschool. I know that you consciously know that life is bigger and broader than highschool... but the thing you need is to SEE that first hand. This will provide a good experience between the oppression of highschool and the rest of your life. You'll see a diversity that you never have before. It will occur to you, at an experiental level, that highschool DOES NOT MATTER. Thats not life in there. Its a sick approximation of it.

    Hang in there. If you want to be alone... DO THAT SHIT. Hit the road. I get that feeling, and I act on it. I just got back from India, and in a year or two I am riding a motorcycle from the US to argentina. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be alone sometimes. To regather yourself. And there's no time like the first time where you... FIND yourself for the first time.

    That being said, if you are unable to talk to anyone else because you feel terrible about yourself when you talk to anyone... then you might consider that you could have social anxiety. If it bothers you alot, you can get treatment for this. New treatments are very effective. You would want to speak to a doctor about this.
     
  8. hostcord

    hostcord New Member

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    Hi, first of all thanks for effort in replying to my posts. I really appreciate that.

    I talked to my therapist today, and I do have social anxiety. It has led to a depressive state. I am suppose to start zoloft friday, so, hopefully that will help. He said its because I am living too much inside of my head. Maybe my own best friend if you want to look at it that way. This is probably why i feel fine and 'together' when alone. I will try my best to hang in there till the medicine kicks in though.
     
  9. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I prescribe Vipassana meditation to achieve a quiet mind, free from self-doubt.

    www.dhamma.org

    Really. Its the only thing that keeps me from feeling exactly like you do. We are you see, alike.
     
  10. hostcord

    hostcord New Member

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    Heh, I like that. Kind of poetic. I will definitely check into that. Thank you.:bowdown:
     
  11. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    So what's the deal on meditation does it really work?
     
  12. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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  13. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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    from your description you sound like the artist type... go to an art school

    school doesnt always suck
     
  14. steve3p0

    steve3p0 New Member

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    from dhamma.org:

    :run:
     
  15. johan

    johan Active Member

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    yeah. sounds like a downer, doesn't it?
    but things higher become easier as you abstain from things lower.
     
  16. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Haha, okay. The 5 precepts are to be followed while you are meditating, or on a retreat. And if you become a monk, you have to embrace all 5 then. But just because you drink and have sex doesn't mean that you can't benefit from the technique. On the contrary. You can benefit enormously.

    You will probably come to see drinking as a waste of your time, and question how much time you spend thinking about sex, but you don't have to stop getting your poke on to practice Vipassana. That is a bit of the... religious context to the technique that you don't have to embrace. I had sex 5 times the day I got out of my first retreat. There was no other way.

    http://web2.dhamma.org/video/qtime/apvip.mov is a movie that explains it a bit.

    Here is some info about the courses:
    But you don't have to take a course to start practicing. I don't have a good book to recommend... I just did the course. Anyone?
     
  17. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    OK dude, I completely get where you are coming from. The way I got through it:

    Visit www.bodybuilding.com and start a weight training program.

    You will feel 100% better about yourself, and you will be in great shape, look great, and have something to work on... yourself.
     
  18. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    The iron can be good, but its not for everyone. Ideally, you will work your body, and still exercise your mind directly with meditation. Henry has a few words about teh iron...

     
  19. hostcord

    hostcord New Member

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    Thanks Locarius and especially Peyomp,

    I will definitely look into both programs and respond with my progress.

    :x: :x:
     
  20. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    I think Yomp's stuff is very relevant here. You could learn a lot about life by starting where he suggests.
     

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