SRS My step-father passed away last monday.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Swak, May 18, 2007.

  1. Swak

    Swak Artificially known as ObsoleteAsian

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    So the title is pretty straight forward on why my life has been put on halt and kind of jumbled into a mix of confusion. Last monday my father passed away, techincally my step father but he raised me since I was 2 so I had a great amount of respect and love for him. It was hard the first day for me where I could not hold back most of the day. Sometimes when I am alone I kind of have emotional spills but since Monday I have been pretty solid, everyone asking if i am ok and there sincerest apologies. I really don't know how i should feel. My mind races constantly. I have been taking care of my sister as my main priority since its her real father and she depended on him a lot for guidance especially since she has had a lot of personal problems that he was helping her in. My step mom and my lil step brother I feel for. I can't even attempt to understand how to explain it to my little brother when he gets older what happened to his dad. He is 4. My father's passing is still unknown he was just found in the bathtub in the morning not living. He was 48. Young and healthy. Sorry if my mind is scattered. I just have not had much chance to talk to myself about this, or figure out what is going to happen now. Pretty much I feel like he left me as his sole person to take on most of his responsbilities and cares. Everything from guiding my sister in her life in her time of need, taking care of my step mom in order to let her take care and nurture my little brother. While teaching my brother how great his dad was. This is without talking about the business he owns and the responsbility that may come with that if it becomes something set for me to take on a lot of what he did. I am just happy my friends are being here for me 110%.
     
  2. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    I'm sorry for your loss. In a way I think your step father's spirit will rest easy knowing he raised good childreen that genuinely cared about him and that he has you to step up and take care of the family and protect them now that he's gone.

    I'm never been good with words like this, but I mean well and I hope you take comfort in your friends company, it must mean alot for you right now.
     
  3. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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    it's always difficult to lose a loved one. i lost my mom to cancer when i was 15 and so i feel for your loss. at the same time our situations are very different. this sounds very sudden and must have come as quite a shock to you. i knew my mom wasn't going to make it so i had more time to prepare, but a lot of the difficulty i experienced was the dwelling sadness i felt as she fought the cancer. you will experience hard times, but you will also experience an enormous amount of growth and appreciation from what your father's life has brought you. i know a lot is going through your mind, but try to take a deep breath and take things one day at a time. you seem like a good, caring person and all the details about the future and what's going to happen will work out over time. if there's anything you want to ask im an open book. im very sorry for your loss.

    best wishes :hug:
     
  4. MementoVivre

    MementoVivre like the cat...

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    that's really good advice :)

    As for your brother:

    I recently took a really good class on grief and loss. There are some excellent books out there on how to explain it to a child when a parent dies, they might help you cope as well. A friend of mine got a children's book called "Tear Soup" I'm not sure who it's by, but it's good. I would go to the library and look into child grief and read, you're all experiencing this right now, even if you're an adult - because it's a parent you've lost. In the meantime, whatever you do - don't lie to your little brother. An easier way is to tell children is the truth very veiled. If you don't know the cause of death - say so. But if you tell a child something like - they stopped breathing, or they went to sleep, more often than not a child will fear sleeping or not breathing. Not healthy. In your situation - leave the bathtub out of it if he doesn't already know - just say you don't know why he died, until he's old enough to handle the details (and not fear that it was the bathtub that made him die) - he'll let you know when he's ready for the details. Also remind your brother, if he asks, that his dad 1) did not abandon him on purpose 2) loved him very very much and 3) can remain very much alive inside his heart - there's no reason for him to detach or to ignore his own feelings, whatever they may be. Young children go through many things when they lose a parent, so if he claims to see his dad in his room, or talk to him - realize that's actually normal for grieving children, so don't ignore it as "weird" - talk to him about it, ask questions, children express their feelings a lot during those times. And if he doesn't do any of that, that's fine too. Also, look into the possibility that he may need to know other children who lost a parent, and if he seems to be feeling alone with this, see if there are support organizations that may help him meet other kids to help him not feel alone. You might need this too.

    One way to deal with loss is to understand that most likely the only way to understand it is to say it was just his time to go. It doesn't stop the pain, confusion, or make it "all better" but it does let some part of the grief process begin and also let go just enough to not be in so much pain. My heart goes out to you that you lost such a wonderful person in your life. I would also add that I think it's beautiful that he lived and died obviously very loved by all of you, and I'm sure he knew that you do love him this much. And know that, really, *everything* you're feeling right now, is very healthy and normal. <3


    :hug:
     
  5. The Saggin' Nutz

    The Saggin' Nutz New Member

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    sorry for your loss
     

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