SRS My So Called Life

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by PrettyKittieJ, Apr 13, 2005.

  1. PrettyKittieJ

    PrettyKittieJ New Member

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    OT - I need your help guys...

    I am going through a personal battle - here are a few things that are going on with me.

    1.) Im having a child but I no longer am in love with the child's father. Some things have happened with him that I cannot just get over. I have tried for the sake of my child and I know that as father he will always be there but as a man I can no longer be with him.

    2.) I miss my ex-boyfriend dearly. I know that I will never have him back and I know that he is happy with his new girlfriend. But it is killing me inside - literally. I have been sick for weeks now. I sleep all the time. I think Im becoming depressed.

    If anyone has any advice for me I would greatly appreciate it because I am feeling very alone right now. I have no idea what to do. I know that for the sake of my child that I need to be strong and once he is born there will be nothing more important. But right now this battle is killing me and I am sure it is not safe for my child.

    If anyone has any insight please tell me - I need to know. Thanks in advance.
     
  2. AO

    AO New Member

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    You say that you are having a child. Or did you have one recently?

    Your hormeones may be going crazy and they may be the cause of your emotions and feelings.

    You may need to speak to a counsellor, psychiatrist, doctor, chaplin, fellow mother, etc.

    If you are still pregnant and thinking (emoting) over your ex-boyfriend, then those hormones released will affect the baby. If you are in turmoil then so is your baby. If you are depressed then so is your baby.

    If you have already had your baby then it could, again, be your hormones trying to get back into balance. You will need to bring up thoughts that make you happy; whole thoughts, not partial thoughts like being in love with your boyfriend and being sad at not being with him. Such conflicting thoughts will not make for a healthy mind, it will only cause more confusion. Since your mind is confused, your body will be confused. Because your body is confused, your mind will be confused. It is therefore a "Catch-22" situation, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

    Worry only about getting better, don't worry about being sick. Make a little improvement everyday and before you know it you will be whole.
     
  3. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    without knowing more details, it's hard to give some specific advice, however

    1) If you can't get over things, then it's time to move on. Growing up in a loveless home is NOT good for a child. Better the parents split and the child is shared (or raised by just one) than have this going on.

    2) You probably miss him because of problem 1)... people tend to wish to go back to something 'better' when things get crappy... I know I sometimes think of calling up ex girlfriends when things get shitty with new ones, but then I remind myself just why they're exes in the first place
     
  4. PrettyKittieJ

    PrettyKittieJ New Member

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    Yes I definetly agree that we should split. I have honestly tried to make things work between us - but the communication is just not there right now and I cant make him understand me or make him agree with me. I have tried to love him but no matter what he doesnt feel loved. I have asked him to let me know how I can make him feel better and more secure - he says he doesnt know. I feel like I have tried everything and since I am currently pregnant I cant handle all of this stress.

    As for the ex-boyfriend. I know that even if I wasnt pregnant that things between him and I wouldnt be working out right now - but I still miss him. Its almost like I cant help it. I can sit here on this website and give people advice - they are in the same boat as me - but I am not taking to my own advice very well. I just dont know what else to do. My friend thinks that I should just get it off my chest how I feel about him (my horoscope seconds that ;) ) but I think he knows how I feel and I dont think he needs me telling him how much I miss him when it is obvious that he has moved on and that is what he intends on doing. If he is happy with her - then thats what I want from him. But it kills me to imagine him kissing her and etc.....it just hurts. I compare everyone to him. No man will ever touch me or treat me the way that he did and its killing me - literally. I saw a picture of him sitting at her house on her bed, but wearing the sweater I bought him - made me SO MAD! But it shouldnt have - I just feel so dumb and stupid for feeling this way. For having feelings for someone who will never return them.
     
  5. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    How far along are you?

    First, get out of your relationship. You want to get that off your plate before anything else. When you're in a dead-end relationship you latch onto every unattainable good thing in sight because you need something to aim for - and I can only imagine that feeling would intensify with pregnancy hormones. Get yourself out of the house if you live with him, too. You need space, and it's not worth it to live together for the kid if you're miserable.

    Once you're out, you should feel better. If your logical brain knows that neither of those men are right for you, then don't pursue either of them.
     
  6. PrettyKittieJ

    PrettyKittieJ New Member

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    Im 2 months, almost to my third.

    Im thinking about moving....getting out of here completely - making a new start for myself.

    Thank you so much for the advice - it was greatly appreciated!
     
  7. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Well...in normal circumstances I'd say go for it. Take the initiative to start planning to do something absolutely original today and take a step towards that move. But with your child coming along the line, just be careful you don't compound the situation...when the little one arrives you don't want to be stuck coping with a new little bundle of life AND a new environment at the same time.

    It doesn't mean I'm not encouraging you to try. Just be careful.

    Meanwhile, you are where you are. Be strong for yourself now, you have some time before the little one comes. Don't let the memories of these 2 guys control you. I know it's hard. As someone suggested...look to other expecting single mothers and share stories with them. Lean on others if you have to.

    I have a friend who's a single mother. She was in a similar situation where she tried to get along with the father of her child but couldn't. I can tell her daughter is the love of her life and she seems happy and strong right now. I admire her. You can do it too. If you're desparate for someone to talk to perhaps I can put you two in contact with one another.
     
  8. PrettyKittieJ

    PrettyKittieJ New Member

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    That would be awesome if you could do that. One of my friends has a child but she is married and really happy. I have another friend who cant get along with her child's father - but I rarely get to talk to her. So anyone who i can talk to I would like that b/c I feel very alone right now.
     
  9. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I PM'd you. I'll see what I can do to help.... hang in there.
     

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