SRS My Sisters Friend

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by The Secretary, Apr 18, 2006.

  1. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    Ok, this will be long but here it goes.

    I am 20 my twin sisters are 16, they are friends with a girl I think is 16 as well. They have been in school together since like the 3rd grade or something close to that. When this girl started coming around she came from a great family mom and dad very actively in their church along with their daughter we will call her *Jen* (sis friend and only child). My family and their family have always got along well though I always thought something was off about them. They have been friends awhile, fast forward about 5 years they are all starting high school and I just out of high school. I used to babysit Jen when they would come home from school and before we all got on the bus in the morning. Jen's parents, around her 8th grade to 9th grade year get a divorce, her mom ran off with another guy. So her dad takes care of Jen now. Well not so long later in her freshman year her dad starts drinking, so now hes an alcoholic. Her dad and Jen have since had to move in with her grandmother (his mom) in the county next too us, which isnt bad my sisters and Jen still go to the same school.

    This is not turning into something very good for Jen at all, she has to take care of her drunk father more times than I can count. She also takes care of her grandmother when she is sick and her mom I dont think is much in the picture from what I understand. So to me she is raising herself. Jen is bulemic and or anorexic, she has started coming back over to the house before her dad gets off work. She ate a handful of cherrios the other day and not even 30 min later heeved them up in our bathroom, saying it didnt sit well on her stomach. She is also boy crazy. She basically opens up for any guy that will give her .5 seconds of attention. This is very dangerous for any woman to do especially when a teenager. She gets involved with these guys and says stuff like "we are going to get married and I'm going to have his babies and live happily ever after." But ends up breaking up with them and moves on to the next guy.

    Now the problem comes in is my sisters. Ive never really thought of Jen as being a great friend to my sisters, I find her quite annoying. But she is one of only like 4 friends my sisters have combined. They are very anti-social (no people skills) and can seem "slow" at times but one of my sisters carries a 4.0 GPA and the other well we just wont go there. I dont want Jen's behaviours to start wearing off on my sisters. I dont think the bulemia/anorexia is going to be a problem my sisters love to eat way too much (they are chunky). But I dont want the boy thing to rub off, I dont need my sisters pregnant before I am. Jen is literally about a size 2 and thinks she fat, looks to weigh about 80-100lbs and about 5'7''. She wears her makeup like a hooker and doesnt dress most of the time much better. Unless she is with my family, then she a wholesome child besides the makeup. Ive heard some of the conversations Jen has had with her bf on the phone while at my house, and its stuff that 16 year olds shouldnt be even considering, like sex, explicit moves etc..

    My parents and I have talked about it a little. But they think that since Jen is one of my sisters only friends they dont want to stop them from being friends becuase it would crush my sisters. I dont know if my sisters see the patterns in Jen like the bulemia, but I know they see the boy stuff. My parents have always been in it, around it, and all up in our lives since we have been on this planet. But this is starting to bother me because I see have very slipperly slope for Jen.

    My dad is a recovered alcoholic/drug addict. Ive never seen my dad drink ever or take any drug stronger than ibprofen, unless otherwise perscribed by a doctor. My dad has tried to talk to Jen about having her Dad talk to my dad about his habit. But to no avail as of yet. My family and Jen's "family" are of the same faith. My sisters have taken Jen to our church and they had a great time. Jen used it as flirt and pass around my cell number time, but still paid attention to what was being said I think. But I can see the vacancy in Jen's eyes. I dont know what to do about her, because not only is Jen's life at stake but my sisters and Jen's Dad.

    My parents have laid down ground rules for when Jen is at my house. But if anything I know Jen respects my parents, and if she crosses the line my parents will tell her. More than likely becuase of the rules that have been set for her.

    Now I understand that girls can be boy crazy and hop for guy to guy, and that people fall on hard times. However, the future is not looking really bright for Jen, shes going to be lucky to graduate high school.

    My sisters want to be on a band scholarship to a major university and get an education. I dont want anything to mess that up, and Jen as much as I hate to see her like she is, is getting in the way. I just dont know what to do.
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2006
  2. IMJ

    IMJ The Bitch

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    Maybe you should have a serious talk with Jen. Tell her there are things you have noticed about her behavior that are worrying you. Maybe she could use someone "older" to talk to. :dunno:
     
  3. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    First, I admire your concern and think you should start with the school conselor and ask for advice.

    Forget about using Jen as a go between for her dad and yours. You may see this as an easy link, but she seems like a controling and manipulative person and only tells you things she wants you to know. Besides, she is too young to bear that responsibity and so are you for that matter.

    Your dad, who btw is recovering and not recovered, should take control and arrange to meet him to discuss his concerns for Jen. Only then can he assess his condition and intervene if necessary.

    Another resource for you would be to contact:
    http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

    Take it from a revovering alcoholic with children older than you.
    Good luck.
     
  4. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Jen's dad, and Jen are not your problem and there is nothing you can do.

    The stuff Jen is doing sounds totally normal for a teenager: less than ideal, but not the end of the world. Typical. Your sisters sound sheltered. That being the case, they are definately 'at risk' for picking up the habits of the students around them. But there's nothing you can do besides be a good brother. You can't shield them: that will only make it worse later. The time is coming when their family indoctrinated values will mingle with the values of others completely unsupervised, as they become independant adults. They will change, and this is a good thing. Its what makes them individuals. Anyway, talk to them. Talk to Jen. But don't try to control. You can't.
     
  5. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    I dont want to control the situation as far as keeping my sisters away from Jen. But I just dont want bad habits to wear off on them. Ive thought about talking to Jen but I cant seem to get to where her and I are alone without distraction and interuptions. I live quite a busy life being full time college student and work part time. Im their sister btw.
     
  6. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    My dad started the link between her and her dad. He just offered that if her dad needed someone to talk to, he knew where he was coming from etc. etc. She is very manipulative but controlling im not so sure about. She lies alot about little things that goes on in her life to present an image that everything is ok. But at times breaks down because she cant deal with it. Thats how we found out about the drinking and some other stuff.
     
  7. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    I thought I might get a few more responses. Lots of people reading just no comments?
     
  8. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Sweetie, my sin is ego... and I pwn every thread I'm in :) They all agree with em.
     

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