SRS My roommate is up the creek (long read)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Maffy29, Mar 8, 2008.

  1. Maffy29

    Maffy29 Active Member

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    So my roommate heading down the road to financial ruin. Actually, he's probably there, but who knows how far he will go.

    I met him a little over a year ago. He's a super nice guy. Good friend. Prefers to be in a relationship with a girl over being single. We are in the same National Guard brigade. He was engaged and was in a debt management program to consolidate about $20k in credit card and personal loan debt. I moved in with him in August when I got a new job. We work together and shared rides, living expenses, etc. We were going to go to Atlantic City to celebrate my new job. I found out right as I moved in that he had broken up with his fiancee, whom he was fully supporting while she was still going to school. He even bought her a new car. While we were eating dinner, he told me that the Atlantic City trip would have to be put on hold since he didn't have any money to go. I said no problem, we can do it later on. He later tells me tha he is stretched to the limit financially and asks if he can borrow $500. Before I would consider it, I wanted to know what all was going on. He told me that he was behind on the payments on the car he bought for his ex (she was still driving it) as well as a few other bills (cell phone, etc). I delayed in giving him the money and he eventually stopped asking.

    So he meets this girl in November. She's super nice and a good match for him. I tried to tell him that he may not be in a financial position to be in the kind of relationship he wants to be in. He could casually date or whatever, but that would be it. He told me he understood, but not to worry. Everything would be fine. After about a month, he tells me that he is driving to Florida with her to meet her family (he moves fast in relationships). He tells me that they are staying at the house of a relative of hers and are getting free Disney World tickets. He had the vacation time at work too. I told him to take pictures and I would live vicariously through him. Half way through their week long trip, he calls me and says he needs to borrow $200 until payday (in 5 days). He asks if I could transfer the money to his account (we have the same bank). I agreed and asked for his information. He gave me the login for the website. I went on and got the necessary information. I also happened to notice that a Howard Johnson hotel in Florida had a hold on his bank account. He was staying in a hotel with her! I didn't ask because I didn't want to make it look like I was snooping, so I just transferred the money. When he comes back, he tells me that he has this great opportunity for me. HE BOUGHT A TIMESHARE! $170 a month for the next 10 years. He didn't need this. Not at all. He tells me how he can go to any of this resorts locations for a discount. He was going to try to sell these vacations on eBay or to friends and family. I tried telling him what a bad idea that all was, but he didn't listen. I think she had something to do with the decision.

    During lunch one day, we got to talking about the situation with this other car. I told him he needed to take some pictures and attempt to sell it. He owed way more than it was worth. I even offered to give him part of the payment to let me drive it back and forth to my parents house (200 miles away). He wouldn't do it unless I was paying all of the $396 payment. Come to find out he had made one payment on it since he bought it for his ex. The bank started calling him and he said he would be able to bring it up to date in March, which wasn't soon enough apparently. Over Christmas, I get a text message from him. It reads "The bastards took the car". I knew they would. I went through the same thing almost 10 years ago.

    In December, I accepted a transfer for work. I would be working an hour and a half away. I rented a room there and still kept the apartment. In January, he asked me if he could move his girlfriend in an rent would be split 3 ways. I said that was fine since I'm not there during the week.

    So thats the background.

    While at the apartment for a couple hours earlier, he received what sounded like 3 collections calls. Him and I both have state jobs that require security clearances. I know he wants to fully support this girl because thats the kind of guy he is, so I'm not sure how much of the living expenses he is paying and if she is paying anything at all. How can I relate to him the severity of his situation?

    CN: Roommate is in financial ruin, but doesn't understand how serious. How can I get the point across?
     
  2. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Your roomate needs to dump these women he is dating.

    'Hey honey, if you go out with me I will support you and you don't need to work!'
    WTF???
    I mean, my wife is a housewife..... BUT SHE IS MY WIFE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!

    Dollars to doughnuts this kid has a self esteem issue.
     
  3. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    :rofl: sorry man as a man win a financial background..... jesus fucking christ.

    you know you need to stop living with this guy.

    soon he will stop paying rent

    there is a chance that he might not be paying rent now. So if I were you I would make him pay you cash and THEN take that cash to pay rent.

    do NOT pay him money and let him write the check to your apt manager

    i had this happen to me one.
     
  4. Maffy29

    Maffy29 Active Member

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    It doesn't seem like its like that. This girl is super nice. He feels like its his obligation to support these women. He's "traditional". When he moved her in, she would say for weeks that she felt like the was intruding. She would constantly ask permission to do stuff around the apartment. So I don't think he's whipped or anything like that. She is a legitimately nice girl.
     
  5. Maffy29

    Maffy29 Active Member

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    I want to move out, but both our names are on the lease. I don't think I can get out of it early.

    I know he pays the rent on time. He's pretty much kept this girl in the dark about his financial problems (he made up a story about the car repo) and not paying rent would make it obvious. He pays the things that matter. Rent, electricity, internet and WoW. His cell phone has been shut off before and I wouldn't doubt the cable TV is behind. The only thing that has my name on it is the lease.
     
  6. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    you do understand that if you give him money for rent. he may take that rent and use it for something else (since he doesnt have the rent money anyway)

    i just want you to know this now. b.c i have had a roommate who was in debt, we gave him checks for rent, he took those checks and used it to pay for other things. then he hid the notices (from the landlord)

    so be careful.

    on rent- You credit scores ARE linked together here, and if he doesnt pay; it affects your FICO score (if you are sued for back rent)

    This is obviously JUST a POSSIBLE hazard.

    not that he does or doesnt do it (i would not know)

    i just wanted to make sure you were aware.
     
  7. Well just make sure the lease is paid and besides that, its not really your problem. this guy is obviously mad dumb. probably shouldnt renew the lease. But besides that, its not really your problem and you shouldnt be stressed over it
     
  8. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    With people like your room mate, the key to solving the problem is by not getting involved and keeping yourself detached. Do not give him anymore money, and let him fall down the hole on his own.

    In advance if you want to quietly find ways he can solve the problem, you can do that. However, I wouldn't give him the answers until he finally hit rock bottom. People with this type of pattern don't listen until they're forced to.

    Let him fall down, then be supportive when all seems lost and he's ready to change.
     
  9. Maffy29

    Maffy29 Active Member

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    Wirelessly posted via wap.offtopic.com (Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows CE; IEMobile 7.6) Sprint MP6900SP)

    Thanks for the suggestions. I think Metallic has the right idea. I tried telling my roommate that a bill collector is going to sue him for the difference on that car. He just blows that off as no big deal. I think that's what it will take to get the point across.
     
  10. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I've used this technique with people in my life. The hardest part about it is patience and self control. It's hard to sit back and not take control, and to leave the person to the consequences of their own making. It's the fastest way in some cases to help them, and sadly that can often take years of patience.

    Easy does it, sadly. Letting go, does it.
     
  11. mavfan1

    mavfan1 Active Member

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    yep...perfectly said

    oh, and if you ever loan money to family and/or friends, expect that you will never get it back. as long as you go into it with that thought, and still want to loan them money, then its all good
     
  12. Maffy29

    Maffy29 Active Member

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    UPDATE:

    Toyota sold the car (2007 Yaris 4dr automatic, 30k mi) for $9000 at auction, which I was incredibly surprised to hear. He owes approximately $6000 for the difference. He was offered to settle it for 50% of the value, if he can pay up front. However, he can't. He's going to try to work something out for payments, but I doubt that will work either. He showed me that he is all caught up on bills and told me not to pay my portion of the rent this month to cover the money I lent him. Looks like he is getting it turned around...hopefully.
     
  13. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Don't be shocked if he doesn't. I've seen this thousands of times.
     
  14. Maffy29

    Maffy29 Active Member

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    Nothing surprises me anymore. I'm moving back to Pittsburgh in a couple months anyway and he said if I want to move out completely, I can. Clap my hands and walk away...blackjack dealer style.
     
  15. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    Get away from this guy asap. It sounds like you've offered all the help and advice you could, and he refuses to listen. In college I dated a guy just like this (minus him supporting me). He worked full time, I part time yet he was always asking me for money. I found out he was spending his paychecks on CDs and other toys. He would skip out on his mortgage payment or his condo's HOA if he got pissed off at them. He felt if he was wronged by the, then they didn't deserve the money :ugh: Doesn't work that way, bud. Once I met the rest of his family I understood where it came from, and I RAN LIKE THE WIND away from them all.
     

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