SRS My roommate is getting screwed over by his GF

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ices, Feb 24, 2006.

  1. ices

    ices New Member

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    Alright, I have a situation, let me explain:

    I have a roommate, and he's very dedicated to his school work. He has a girlfriend of almost 3 years. They've been dating since high school. I really don't like this girl, but that's besides the point. Anyways, I recently found out from someone in her sorority that she's been cheating on him hardcore, as in with different guys everytime she goes out. They don't see eachother much anymore because she recently moved off campus, and she goes to a different state to see another guy every week. He's so blind and jaded, that I don't think that he really suspects anything.

    Anyways, he's a really good guy to her. He doesn't smoke or drink, he studies hard even over the weekends, and always buys her expensive gifts. She, on the other hand, goes clubbing and drinking every weekend while he sits at home. I'm not sure if I should tell him, I'm torn two ways for these reasons:

    -Naturally, I want to tell him because he's my friend and my roommate, and he deserves much better. He's a really good guy that can't see what's happening to him because he's so in love with this girl.

    -On the other hand, I'm not sure if I should tell him because it might interfere with his studies. He's a double major in electrical and computer engineering, and pulls GPA's in the high 3's. So, I could tell him over spring break? Or if it's not enough time, then maybe over summer.
    -I'm also skeptical of telling him since he may not appreciate it. Ignorance is bliss, and I'm not sure if he wants to see the light.
    -I'm his roommate, so I see him almost everyday. I'm not sure if he would want to see the guy who broke him the bad news, everyday, if he needs room to grieve. On the other hand, I'm not sure if he would confide in me. How do people usually feel after a breakup?
     
  2. HipHopHead

    HipHopHead Well-Known Member

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    I'd tell him. I sure as hell would wanna know.
     
  3. FyreDaug

    FyreDaug lolswift

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    Yeah and then get her off his mind and back to his school studies
     
  4. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Tell him, it may hurt him now, but he will thank you later for it.
     
  5. ~*Mia*~

    ~*Mia*~ New Member

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    She's a bitch to be doing that to someone who obviously loves her that much. I'd give anything for love like that. She's taking advantage. Definitely tell him, he deserves to know. Just be ready for a 'shoot the messenger' type response - and remember, he isn't really angry at you, it's the whole situation.
     
  6. ices

    ices New Member

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    You guys are right. He deserves to know. I just hope that it does not interfere with his studies.

    -How should I tell him?
    Should I start with a "There's something you need to know", or "You're my friend, I've always got your back, and I think you deserve better". I guess I'm in a sticky place. I don't want to sound patronizing, or to insult her. Do I push for them to break up, or give him the information he needs and let him make his own decision? Do you guys have anymore tips/suggestions as how I should approach this?

    -Would it a good idea to take him out?
    We hang out with different groups. He studies on the weekend and I usually go partying or drinking in the city. He's doesn't drink at all really, should I invite him to come out and mingle? If so, should I wait a certain amount of time after I break the news, or invite him out at the next opportunity?

    -How do I give him his space?
    We see eachother almost daily. Should I ask him how he's doing every now and then, and talk if he initiates conversation? I know he probably won't feel like seeing me everyday, but I can't exactly pick up and leave everytime he gets back. Should I cater to this, or make him live with it?

    Sorry for all the questions, but I've never been in this type of situation. I just want him see the light, but I guess as Mia says, I've gotta be prepared for a shoot the messenger type of response. Thanks for everything so far!
     
  7. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    1. No pushing for a break up because he might get a sense you have some ulterior motive. Just give him the information. Don't bash on her, unless he wants to hear it. (i.e. he's deeply sadddened, you can tell him that he can do better.) Basically, tell him what you know because both of you know he doesn't deserve tht.

    2. No big deal here. Just make sure he doesn't jump over the edge. Ask if he's okay every now and then, I assume he'll be looking to you for support anyway.
     
  8. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Maybe you could find an annonymous way to tell him instead. Get some pics of her cheating and mail it to him or send him an email. At least that way he won't think of you as the bad guy. :dunno:
     
  9. Zimmy76

    Zimmy76 I like my beer like I like my violence, domestic

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    this way also proves that it's the truth, and then he really can't deny that it's not happening.

    Not that he deserves it, but what does he expect if all he does is study as you made it sound. IMO she's a whore if you're telling/being told the truth, however he can't expect someone to do nothing if all he does is study on weekends.
     
  10. Clarity

    Clarity New Member

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    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 27, 2006
  11. American SuperBeast

    American SuperBeast New Member

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    Just tell him. It would be worse to not tell him and let him find out on his own because then he will find that it had been going on for a long time. He might think of you as the bad man but then like before he goes to her let him see pictures or have him go to where she is and him see it for himself. Good luck. It sucks to be in that position.
     
  12. PC

    PC Active Member

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    Would you want somebody to tell you if it was happening to you? I sure as hell would.
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Tell him before he finds out and gets angry as fuck that you didn't break the news first.
     
  14. ices

    ices New Member

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    She has been spending less and less time with him ever since they came to college and she joined the sorority. They used to spend time for the first year and a half or so, but she moved off campus, and says that she is always doing "sorority stuff". I recently found out from someone what she really has been doing. Neither of us come from a good area, and he has a very "this is all that I've got, I need to be successful" outlook.

    But in response to the other posts, I am going to tell him for sure, I just haven't seen him for a couple days because my week ended early and I went to visit another university. I just want to get some suggestions on how to tell him.
     
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Warn him that you have some really bad news, but that if you were in his situation, you would want to know. Then tell him.
     
  16. ices

    ices New Member

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    Thanks, that's exactly what I needed. I don't know why I didn't think of that myself.
     
  17. UNvisible

    UNvisible New Member

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    :werd:
     
  18. teejay

    teejay New Member

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    You could always find out where the GF is going out to one night with another guy and just kinda take your roommate out to the same place! This way he can see for himself exactly what she is doing!
     

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