SRS my relationship problem

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by kenzo, Mar 18, 2006.

  1. kenzo

    kenzo New Member

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    i dont want to make this too long, so here it goes:

    I been out with her for 8 months. She is like my 1st real girlfriend, and the only person that i can stand or long to talk to. I talk to her everyday and i love her by my side. I love how she is so smart, and gives me this love. She keeps asking me to marry her for fun.

    However, i am 2 years older than her. Im not sure if that makes our conflict.
    But i get sick of her babyishness. She always acts like a baby. Also she is a very private girl, when i ask her to show some things such as her cell phone, she wouldnt at first, until i keep asking.

    She also cant go out late and doesnt like to go out late either, which pisses me off since i wish she can chill with me more often, than staying home every nite. Just like today, when i want to watch a movie, but she wants to go shoppiing, and she doesnt want to watch movie after shopping cuz it will become late. How kiddish is that?

    and the biggest problem is that we dont even have sex. she wants to wait until she thinks i am the one, even though she said, i am her true and her love of her life. She sometimes gives bj only.
    I really love her, but those problems makes us argue almost everyday, which makes me think of leaving her for a little while until she grows up.
    i am thinking about this as of right now....
    :hsd:
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    small arguments can lead to big break ups, remember only to put love and light into eachothers lives, did you go with her with the thought, 'im with her so she can make me unhappy' No of course not, so make eachothers lives happy instead of miserable. Stop pouring darkness and hatred into eachothers lives, make sure you want to be with a person, the looks are one thing, being on the same frequency with her inner self is another.

    She has restrictions, which is normal, this keeps her out of trouble, and is a form of self protection which is very much needed in this world where people get used and abused by the dozens.

    The biggest problem is sex, which means you are only with her for sex and not because you love her, if you'd really love her you'd be willing to wait, i see where the arguments stem from, because your selfish desires aren't forfilled, its harsh but look it from her side, she has a lot to risk, and a personality change isn't most likely going to happen to let her baby attitude being replaced by something more mature isn't going to happen soon.

    I'd raise a red flag for this relationship, both of you aren't ready for eachother, you not in terms of commitment, and she not in terms of maturity.

    My advice is to break up and find someone who is on the same frequency as you are. However it all depends on how much you love her, if you see a willingness and oppertunity for you and her to change, then you could try to mend the situation. Worth a try right?
     
  3. kenzo

    kenzo New Member

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    yea, i am staying with her :)
    thanks a lot of ur analysis
     
  4. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I disagree with this. I do agree that if he cannot handle the wait then they should break up because she should not be forced to do something she doesn't want to do, and the same goes for him. The fact that it is an issue at all does not mean that he doesn't love her. He can still be very much in love with her and not want to wait-and doing so is NOT SELFISH.
    I am tired of hearing stuff about how men should have to apologize or feel bad about pursuing something that he wants in a relationship, as if we must cater to the women all of the time. If that is not what you mean to say then perhaps I am reading it wrong, but if so, it's BS. Men have every right to voice their concerns and pursue what makes them happy, just as women do. If the two parties cannot reach an agreement then they must decide at that time what the next step will be. Can they cope with their differences or is it a deal breaker. For me, so sex until marriage is a deal breaker. Sex is an EXTREMELY important part of a happy relationship and I am not going to marry someone when I have no idea what our sex life is going to be like.

    To the OP: A real relationship isn't just about how two people love each other, it's about two people who can work together, compromise, and overcome those arguements. A true and lasting couple WILL have battles, but it's how they overcome those battles and continue on stronger than ever before which makes them great.

    As far as your current situation, it's all up to you. You would not be a jerk to say to her, "I love you, but we want two completely different things at this point in our lives, and neither of us seem to be willing to compromise and work it out so it is best for us to go our separate ways for now. Maybe someday down the road we will be more compatable, and if so I hope we can try again." If this is not an option for you then it is not an option, but if you can't work things out then maybe breaking up is the best thing for you.

    How old are you two btw?
     
  5. kenzo

    kenzo New Member

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    nice feed back
    i am 20 and she is 18

    i am currently trying to cope with her.

    i like ur line " Sex is an EXTREMELY important part of a happy relationship and I am not going to marry someone when I have no idea what our sex life is going to be like."

    i should tell her that lol
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    He can still be very much in love with her and not want to wait.

    Then i'll have to disagree again, if he'd really love her then he would not base his relationship on lust , but on love which would resolve into a willingness to wait for the person he adores. But as said previously i raise a red flag for this relationship, i don't like how things are going and arguments displayed her are not 'mend attempts' but mere poisoning of what good there is left between him and her. So im sticking behind standing what i said in my previous post.
     
  7. EmiB

    EmiB New Member

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    Usually thats how the first relationships go. Maybe she is not mature enough for ya. Perhaps you should gradually let her off the hook.
    Don't pressure her for sex. Even if you get what you wont it wont be enjoyable for both of you. When shes ready she will tell you.

    And BTW if you think you can change her... thats not gonna happen.

    Good Luck
     
  8. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Jefe, you do not understand women. You cannot force open the petals of a flower. When the flower is ready, it opens itself up to you.
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Sounds to me like you are talking about yourself, which is all good. It is a choice made by you. Personally, I recognize sex as an extremely important part of a relationship, and I will not enter marriage with someone without knowing what our sex life is going to be like. Down the road that person could have NO sex drive, and learning that thing about them too late is a very bad idea. So therefore I feel that even if I loved someone, I could not marry them without knowing them in all ways, including sex.

    You should speak for just yourself and not everyone.
     
  10. hatedbyall

    hatedbyall New Member

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    if you truly love her then you wont ask for sex until you think and konw she is ready
     
  11. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    That is true for the most part, unless you are ready to be married and so is she, but you believe in exploring that part of your relationship first. You should not force someone, ever, but you have a right to stick to your beliefs as well as she does. So if you believe in sex before marriage, you can make your feelings clear on the matter, and if they cannot be met, you have every right to leave that relationship, no matter how much you care about her. Just as she has every right to leave if she cannot agree to those terms either. It works both ways.

    Men are not made to baby women and give them everything they want and to hell with their own feelings. You must be able to stand up and declare your terms and conditions as well, and if it doesn't work out, then it's time to end things. If you feel you are willing to bend on some of your rules then that is okay too, but if it is something you really feel strongly about, you are NOT wrong to stick to your guns. You shouldn't force anyone to agree to your terms either. It is an equal contract-or at least it should be. She has the right to refuse and you must respect that as well.
     

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