My problem

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by AndNineteen, Feb 28, 2008.

  1. AndNineteen

    AndNineteen G!zMo's High School Pic

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    Let me first start off by saying Thank you in advance to anyone who post any advice here.

    Lately i have had a lot of time to think about my "love life", and i've come to realize a few things. In the past year I haven't made any efforts to find a new girlfriend. I was dating a girl for a little under a year and we broke up around christmas of 06. Anyway, the more i think about it the more i realize a pattern and i need to correct it or at least get some advice about it.

    The pattern is this, I've come to notice that I tend to get bored of people very fast. I have like no real attention span for new people and especially girls. For example, about 2 months ago i was working at a small store and this girl came in a lot. We would joke and finally one day she asked if i'd like to get coffee sometime. So we exchange numbers and chat on the phone a bit, and pick a date. So we go get coffee everything is fun, we make plans to hangout after that. It was all fun and i was enjoying it and then after a few days of hanging out maybe 2 weeks off and on, I just couldn't stand being around her.

    The problem is this constantly happens. I notice it more and more, i'll start talking to someone, get kinda close and get feelings. Then i just pull away and let them disappear. I need to figure out how to fix this. I need to know whats wrong with me. I've talked to my older brother about it and my friends and all of them think im crazy. I dont know what it is, i just get so bored of people. My best friend suggested that maybe im still not over my ex, but i doubt thats it as i dont really care about her at all anymore.

    Anyway, If anyone has any sort of advice or maybe an experience like this, I'd love to hear it. I need help. I need to fix this. Thank you for reading it btw.
     
  2. Jay487

    Jay487 What's Life If You Ain't Enjoyin' It?

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    I cant offer you advice as I do not have this problem, but it might be reassuring to know you're not alone. I know a few people (they happen to be females) but they have pretty much the same issue.
     
  3. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    Maybe you're gay.
     
  4. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    But seriously, How do you feel about women in general?

    Do you think they're great?

    Do you think they're kinda dumb?

    If you're getting bored with each and every girl you meet maybe your attitude about women in general is what's wrong. Maybe it's a little arrogance. Try being grateful that you get to spend some time with a person who may have some cool things about them.

    Were you hurt by your ex in any way? Did she do things to make you distrust women?
     
  5. AndNineteen

    AndNineteen G!zMo's High School Pic

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    I think women are great, but i also think there is a ton of dumb ones but that could be said about anything.

    My ex cheated on me and fucked with my head a bit, but im completely over it.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Your problem is so common you don't even realize it. While you may be over your last relationship there is something pulling you back from letting yourself get close to someone. Sure, it could be that in the back of your mind you don't see a true connection that will last, or possibly you are subconsciously fucking them up and ending them quickly before you get hurt. Who knows? I don't know you well enough to interpret that.

    What I can say is that you are probably young, and while this may seem like a "problem" I disagree. You should relax and have fun! Go into every new situation as "hey, this is a cool girl I'd like to go on a date with." The good news is you aren't afraid of women. It is possible :eek3: to just go on casual dates here and there while not setting them up for any sort of serious deal. Date around with no pretenses learning about all sorts of women until maybe one day you find one that does change your mind.
     
  7. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    It's cool man it happens to a lot of people when they're fucked over. Even when we're completly over it (conscious mind), we're obliviously cautious and defensive and offensive with a lot of our actions.

    I had a girl cheat on me in high school and it colors my behavior still (I'm 28). I had my attention drawn to it somewhere along the line and have worked very hard with a lot of success to actually appreciate each woman for who she is, not for who my ex was and the stuff she did.

    If you have health insurance pay the co-pay and see a counselor you like. It should help you.
     
  8. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    I'm the same way, I get bored with people really quickly. Though the only problem I have with it is trying to fall out of contact with people without being a dick or without doing it in a dickhead way (which I don't always do a good job of :hs:)

    Every now and then though someone comes along who doesn't piss me off and/or bore me, and I now have a new friend/more

    You are young, go out and meet new people. Eventually you'll find one that keeps your interest high. I don't see it as a problem as long as you still make an effort to meet new people (girls)

    So basically keep meeting new people, and keep an open mind that there are girls out there that are cool and one will eventually come along that you do like. This way will let you figure out what it is you like in women because you will meet a number of them and experience new things.

    Though make sure you aren't instantly looking for what is wrong with someone during your interactions. If you are doing that then you are (subconsciously) sabotaging your own interactions, which IMO is a sign of a bigger problem
     
  9. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    It's just a matter of getting back up on the horse (so to speak).

    You are afraid of the pain of a break up, so you create "problems" with everyone you meet to allow you to not get too close to them and still delude yourself into thinking that you aren't pushing them away.

    It's a mental trap, and honestly the only way to get over it is to face it. To allow yourself to get hurt again. To face the risk involved with dating someone leading to something more serious.

    I think the biggest thing you need is a relationship where you just don't hold anything back...no games, no bullshit...just balls to walls, through yourself at it one hundred percent and fuck the consequences.

    It's going to hurt if it DOES end. It is. But you have to stop avoiding the pain and start facing it. The pain of a breakup is well worth the immense pleasure of a relationship.
     

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