SRS my old room mate of 3 years committed suicide

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by derp, Apr 15, 2007.

  1. derp

    derp Active Member

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    :wtc:

    here is the thread that's in the main forum.

    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3151731

    im just having a tough time coping with this. he was a really close friend and we sorta drifted apart after our graduation in 2005...he moved to tucson. i hadnt talked to him in about 4 months.

    he had a good job...an engineer at raytheon. he had a new car and a motorcycle and i think even a condo. material things dont make us happy i guess. but it really seemed like a life that he always wanted. he came from a modest upbringing--his family was pretty dysfunctional...but given the circumstances of his childhood, he turned out to be a really level-headed person. i never would have imagined that he would do this--ever.

    like he's my first real friend who has died. even when it comes to family, like my grandmother and uncle both passed away when i was in my early teens. i'm just crushed right now.

    :sadwavey:
     
  2. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    sounds like on teh outside he had a really nice life and it's sad that others sometimes use those things to judge one's mental state. sometimes those of us that appear to be the most succesful/happy are the ones the most pain.

    sorry to hear about your loss. :hs:
     
  3. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Thats so true!^ Sorry to hear about the loss.
     
  4. weolracso

    weolracso OT Supporter

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    Just remember to keep on living your life and don't let this event drag you down.
     
  5. derp

    derp Active Member

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    well, i have some updates.

    it seems as if he was in a car accident on thursday night. im not sure of the specifics, but he was in the hospital and was either released or he left on his own. i don't know.

    maybe he was on medication from the accident and then went home and ended his life. :wtc:
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Its not wise to post your feelings in a place where people don't care(off-topic section).

    What you need to do is to forgive him for what he did. From his point of view there was no other way out then this, often people who commit suicide are so self-consumed with their problems , that they do not see the hurt that their suicide will bring on other people who care for that person. Forgiveness is important, its the only way how a soul who has commited suicide can move on in the afterlife, and its the only thing there is left for you that you can do for him. Understanding that he didn't commit suicide to hurt others, but that he was suffocating as his personal problems just became too much for him. Im sorry for your loss, give yourself time to grieve and remembering him for the good times.
     
  7. derp

    derp Active Member

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    well more information is coming in and it's pretty tragic. :wtc:

    first, he had a girlfriend of 7 months whom i didnt even know of. he also bought a house recently...in the past few months.

    he's been mildly depressed the past few months--not exactly sure why. he had a lot of material things, a good job, and girlfriend. he had also been drinking a lot too. so, he might very well have had suicidal thoughts. he had a good network of friends in tucson, but seems to have drifted apart from his family...and me and our other room mate. he also had 2 guns--he picked up the hobby when he moved to arizona--a shotgun and a pistol.

    now, here's the shocking stuff--and it makes sense to a certain degree.

    on thursday, he went out to celebrate a friend's birthday...they were going to vegas on friday morning. he got really trashed and somehow, his friends let him go. i don't know. they didnt try hard enough, it seems. :wtc:

    he then was driving and crashed his car. he claimed he didnt remember much (that's what he told his gf) and the ambulance took him to the hospital where he spent the night under observation. now here's the catch--he works for raytheon, a government contractor. a felony, like drunk driving, is really bad. apparently, he wouldve had his top secret clearance suspended for 6 months--he wouldve gotten a paycut. so, i can see how he was really depressed and worried and about his future...he was ashamed really...and i guess he felt that his friends wouldnt be there for him, for whatever reason. he left the hospital on friday and walked home. he also had a motorcycle, which he crashed the week before or something. so it seems that while he might have been slightly depressed before, the events of thursday night and his uncertain future really put him over the edge.

    his girlfriend went to his house and they talked for a bit and he wanted to be left alone. i can't even imagine what she is feeling. i feel very horrible right now, but she was actually there and was the last person to see him alive. he sent a text a few hours later thanking her for everything she had done. she thought that was really weird and went to his place again...the lights were all off and only the TV was on. she was worried and went home to find her friends to contact them. they all tried calling him...and then called the cops.

    this is just a lot for me. :sadwavey:

    some friday the 13th :wtc: since it seems that all the shit happened to him on early friday morning. :wtc: :sadwavey:
     
  8. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    I am so sorry. People become so identified with their temporary situations, it is indeed tragic.

    Everything passes, even your suffering. I feel terrible for his girlfriend, and his family.

    The false door is always the wrong choice.
     
  9. derp

    derp Active Member

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    oh he also had life insurance too and would "joke" around to his girlfriend that he was worth more dead than alive. :sad2:

    he always had that kind of sarcastic sense of humor. he even told me when i lived with him that he never envisioned himself living past 50. :(

    i would assume that suicides arent covered in life insurance. :(
     
  10. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    My aunt joked about how she was worth more dead than alive.

    So she died.

    And now we know.

    Anyways, I remember reading the OP.. stay strong bro. Where's the funeral? AZ? Did you talk to your other mutual friends and stuff?

    In all fairness, it's too late for people to diagnose what could have been or what was. It really is no one's fault. Not a girl's fault, not an accident fault.

    Depression is a serious illness and it can be set-off by external events. Just take that as a lesson and when people 'joke' about killing themselves... most are not.

    Take it easy. Feel free to IM me if you ever wanna chat. My info is in the first sticky up here.
     
  11. derp

    derp Active Member

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    he will be cremated on friday in tucson. i won't be able to make it because i will be travelling to chicago on thursday. there will be a ceremony there for his arizona friends.

    his father, will take some of the ashes for another ceremony back in michigan. and his mom will take some of the ashes to alaska to spread over some glacier or something. my old room mate and his mom and brother were supposed to go on a alaskan cruise over the summer :hs:

    i've been finding out some more information through his arizona friends. ross it seems had been drinking a lot by himself and would sometimes prefer to drink by himself rather than attend certain friend functions and whatnot. like would drink with him a lot and we would get really trashed together...but this was social drinking. while that isnt necessarily good either, it is certainly the lesser of two evils when compared to drinking by yourself.

    i have some other news but it will follow in a post below. :hs:
     
  12. derp

    derp Active Member

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    well i found out some more information and it has just really infuriated me. maybe because it just feels so shakespearean or something. like something straight of shakespeare's tragedies. i fucking hate it. :wtc:

    so it turns out that ross wasnt even drunk when he crashed his car. i guess he had a few drinks, but he was still below the legal limit. so, his paranoia really got the best of him. im still not clear if he was drinking at the time of his suicide, but the accident was the catalyst--and it was a fucking moot point in the end. :wtc: he wouldnt have been charged with drunk driving. he wouldnt have been suspended from his job at raytheon. in fact, he was in line for a fucking promotion that he didnt know about. :wtc: i also think if this shit had happened on monday or something, he wouldnt have killed himself. he just hated the whole school violence bullshit. he would always rant to me about columbine and shit--i think it wouldve changed his mind or something. :hs:

    this just makes me so sad and mad. it reminds me a lot of romeo and juliet. like when romeo thinks juliet has died at the end...he kills himself, but it turns out juliet was still alive. :wtc: just something that where my old room mate made a really rash decision on something that didnt even turn out to be true. :wtc:

    i guess this just leads me to more questions. i mean, ross was a really rational guy. i just think he used this car accident and the potential loss of his job as an excuse to end his life. it just leads me to believe that he really wanted to kill himself, even if the signs werent really clear. if he wanted to live, he wouldve waited for the toxicology report at the hospital that wouldve shown to him that he wasnt above the legal limit. then, things wouldve been ok and he just wouldve had to fix up his car.

    so yeah. this has made me even sadder. ive been crying a fair amount the past few days. but im just so glad that i had so many good memories from the 3 years i lived with him. i dont have a single bad memory of him...and i guess that's something i cant say about all my other close friends. we never fought or argued over any stupid things. i find myself thinking a lot about him, and im just glad that all these awesome memories are coming back to me...and they're all happy memories, and even though im sorta mad at him, i cant stay mad at him for too long--i just find myself chuckling and laughing at all the stupid and hilarious things we did together in our 4 years in college. :hs:

    our other room mate called up his mom last night and they had a good conversation--she seemed to be really glad to talk to him. im about to call her up in a bit. im just trying to build up the strength because im a bit scared to call her. :o

    but thanks guys for all your support. :hsd: i have a good bunch of friends here where i live, and back in michigan, and we've all been grieving together and talking about the happy times. i think i will write something up--a note to Ross, which will be read at the memorial service in Tucson on Friday. :hsd:

    thanks guys.
     
  13. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    wow that is so sad... The human mind is a scary and complex thing...
     
  14. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    i'm sorry for your loss:hug:

    I wonder if this could have been prevented. It kind of scares me because I hope that I don't get like this after I start accomplishing my goals in life.
     
  15. derp

    derp Active Member

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    yeah it's hard to say. he never showed any signs before...like your typical suicidal signs.

    but i do think he had been thinking about this--he just kept all these feelings to himself, and that's wrong. he had a support network too, and that's the sad thing.

    and yeah, it's just more surprising because he seemingly had everything. so yeah, it's a painful lesson to learn, especially for me. just shows that suicide can happen, even to those who dont fit the stereotypical billing. :wtc:
     

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