SRS My niece is f'd up

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Jadey, Jun 5, 2007.

  1. Jadey

    Jadey Guest

    What do you do when someone you love is seriously messing up their life? My 14 year old niece started on a wrong path about 6 months ago. Her parents are split up, so if her dad says she can't do something, she goes & stays with her mom (who lets her do anything) until her mom says something spiteful and she goes back to her dad. So, she's getting next to no discipline. She started failing in school and getting in with the wrong crowd. She started drinking and doing drugs. Her dad sent her to a counsellor and if they say something too tough, she just up & leaves. Because of her living situation, she doesn't have to confront anything and if she doesn't like the situation, she leaves.

    So, recently, her boyfriend of several months got put in jail for dealing meth. She immediately jumped to a 2nd boyfriend and insisted she was "in love". This love lasted a month until she moved onto her most recent boyfriend. Of course, she's totally in love with him. Then, last weekend, she tells our family she's 7 weeks pregnant. Again, she is 14 years old. She is also still doing drugs & drinking.

    Her mom knew she was having sex at 14 and didn't say a word against it. Her parents went to a counselling session w/her and her dad asked her to explain to him how can this be a good thing for her life? She couldn't answer this question, so again, she up & left the session.

    I wish I could say I'm surprised. I had recently said I thought she would be dropped out & pregnant in 2 years. I was unhappy to be right. But, what can I do? I'm not her parent. I am someone she loves & looks up to, but I am disappointed and pissed at her for treating herself so poorly. I love her, and she is ruining her life.
     
  2. whatever

    whatever OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2004
    Messages:
    110,380
    Likes Received:
    296
    If that is TRUELY the case then your disappointment in her will be the biggest slap in the face she can get.
    She's acting the way she is acting to fit in and get some acceptence with ANYONE. If she really does look up to you and you flat out tell her how god damn dissappointed you are in her and her behavior then it should be a catalyst to her starting to have some kinda thoughts on her self.
     
  3. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    562
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    If she looks up to you then maybe you should sit down with her and have a talk with her. Try to get her to listen. Try to get her to open up to you and then maybe you can see why she is doing this to herself.
     
  4. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2000
    Messages:
    20,066
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    I agree with whatever and Gregsaidthat. I would try to talk with her, tell her how disappointed you are. You can get the point across without screaming at her or cursing at her. Ultimately, though, it will be up to her to clean up her act or not. Although it sucks to watch her do this, some people have to hit rock bottom before they realize they are destroying themselves, and then they need to dig themselves out of the hole they've dug.
     
  5. Jadey

    Jadey Guest

    Thanks for the advice folks, I believe I will take it :)
     
  6. whatever

    whatever OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2004
    Messages:
    110,380
    Likes Received:
    296
    to many people in that kind of situation, their personal rock bottom is disappointing the people they actually look up to in life...
     
  7. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    0
    tell her your disappointed in her thats all you can do. is she having it aborted?
     
  8. mrj

    mrj New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    2,637
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    nyc tpa sf
    If you're near her, I think you should spend time with her as much as possible and be a good influence. Show her that doing drugs, and having sex isn't all there is to life.
     
  9. dreamzlove

    dreamzlove New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2007
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    i know this is kind of a sad thing to say but.... people get what they deserve, whether its good stuff or bad stuff. also the baby and everything could have been a godsend maybe shell stop doing drugs. the best thing you can do is give it your best shot. hang out with her a lot. let her see into a persons life that is living clean and doing the right things (just dont let her use you) whether people like it or not, they usually end up being like the people they hang out with, so hang out with her, maybe she'll be like you.
     

Share This Page