SRS My New Girlfriend Is As Affectionate As a Lump of Coal v. What to Do?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by enginuity, Jan 7, 2007.

  1. enginuity

    enginuity Member

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    We haven't even been together a month yet and I'm already starting to be unhappy. Here's the situation:
    The good: She's hot, when we actually do have sex it's great, we have fun together, we have mutual friends, she's not overbearing or jealous.

    The bad: Every time we hang out, kiss, cuddle, fuck, etc. it's because I initiate it. I ask questions like "If I were to DJ at a strip club would you care?" (I'm a club DJ now, not at a stip club though) She promptly answers "No". I ask "Does it bother you that I'm around girls all night at the club and they constantly flirt with me?" "No" Now my way of thinking is if you actually give a shit about your gf/bf you would care about these things.

    I'm really stuck in knowing what to do. I wear my heart on my sleeve and talk about everything. She KNOWS I will never cheat on her, I like her a lot, I'll never do her wrong, etc. because I've told her this. She hasn't told me shit. I'm thinking I'm just going to start acting like her and be completely apathetic and unaffectionate and see if she gets the picture. I spent two years with a girl just like this before and I've learned that the more you talk to them and ask them to be affectionate the less respect you get.
     
  2. neoamd

    neoamd New Member

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    Pull away man, give her less attention and she if she begins to show you some congrats. If not man just move on cause your just someone to wear on her shoulder.
     
  3. whatever

    whatever OT Supporter

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    Im gona go out on a limb here and say because you wear your heart on your sleeve she doesnt feel the need or even urge to do so. You're not making it intresting for her at all by blabbering like that. like post 2 says, pull back a bit. see how she reacts
     
  4. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

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    Excellent advice right here.
     
  5. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    keep in mind, it's entirely possible that you two aren't compatible in the way you show affection. I'm a physical contact type of guy, and I like to show/be shown a lot of affection in private. That's how I generally know that it probably wouldn't work out for me to be with a girl who wasn't much into physical contact.

    It happens. No need to worry about it. Just figure out if that's the case, and if it is, move on and look for someone you are more compatible with.
     
  6. whatever

    whatever OT Supporter

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    alright i read it over again. Saying something like that just shows utter insecurity. its one of those things that trust makes a given. if you need her to tell you that then you dont trust her.
    the real question is: do you trust yourself? i kinda doubt it the way you're talking here.

    actions > words. im a firm believer in that.
     
  7. enginuity

    enginuity Member

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    You read me like a book. When it comes down to it I've pretty much cheated on every girlfriend I've had. I wasn't expecting this but this is all really good advice. Thanks guys.
     
  8. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    :fawk: Good people can usually read cheaters like a book, because all they desire is stimulous of sensations. Sad really.
     
  9. Crush

    Crush Epidural hematoma up in this bitch

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    If you are looking for a real relationship, this advice is sound. If you are looking for a distraction, the fact that she is not emotionally ebullient may be attractive.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Usually when I'm pissed at my SO I'm unaffectionate as hell....and if my SO were asking me shit like "don't you get jealous that hot girls flirt with me at work every night?" I'd ignore your ass too.
     
  11. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Maybe stick it out for a couple years before you act on what you already know: that you're not compatible?
     
  12. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    You're trying to verbally qualify yourself. All that does is project your insecurity.

    We all have a persona around us that people have to get through to be intimate. Hot girls have a 'hot girl' persona. She has torn through your persona and maybe you're still dealing with hers. Get right through it.

    Don't be a wuss with her. Don't say "how would you feel about me working at a strip club". Just say "I'm going to work at a strip club," and see what she says.

    Don't be apologetic for being you. She doesn't like something you're doing? Tell her to fuck off. If you think this is harsh then you are a wuss.

    Take your balls back. I was in your shoes a few years ago... your exact shoes. How did I get through it? I stopped being sorry for everything I did. Girls respect that.
     
  13. whatever

    whatever OT Supporter

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    diving into other territories. basicly man up, grow some balls for yourself and become secure in who you are. you're prolly gona loose this relationship. dont burn the bridge.
    in due time.
     
  14. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    You may think its funny, but sadly enough this is what most people do. And yes, it would be funny if it weren't so fucked up and pathetic.
     
  15. enginuity

    enginuity Member

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    Best advice yet.
     
  16. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Talking about other women and asking serious questions like this is one of the best ways to get women to back off. You're doing a great job at being blunt and boring. No wonder she's backing off.

    Turn the tables: She asks you "Hey, if I worked at a strip club and gave guys lap dances would you care?" and you say no. Well, of course, now you are wondering why she asks that. Is she cheating on you? :noes:

    Stop being so transparent. You're like a movie spoiler. "Hey, Dumbledore kills Snape!" :slap: Women don't want you to be transparent, they don't want you to talk about other women in any context, and they don't want you to be so fucking SERIOUS all the time! :mamoru:

    Actions speak louder than words. The very fact that you mentioned cheating means - to her - that you are thinking about it, and hence are a cheater. She is distancing herself from you emotionally in hopes that you pick up on it and dump her, before she dumps you.

    You've already ruined your relationship by being a blabbermouth, basically.

    You mean immature and lame? Gets the picture? You're thinking like an 8 year old. "I'm going to take my toys and go home." You've got a lot of growing up to do. This whole behavior signals that you need to learn to be MORE mature, MORE fun to be with, MORE reliable, and MORE interesting. You need to make her be MORE attracted ***TO*** you. Learning how to push women away is a stupid trick to learn.

    So ... take your own advice! Actions speak louder than words. Stop talking about other women and stupid "what-if" scenarios and start going out with her and have fun together.

    Oh yeah, by the way, in the real world men always make the first move.
     
  17. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    To explain the rationale behind the part I bolded...decent people go into a relationship assuming that their partner isn't going to cheat, and will be faithful. It's what we want, and expect. So, there is absolutely no reason to talk about it out of the blue.

    Now, it's possible you've been cheated upon frequently, or have cheated on others in the past...and thus expect women to think you will cheat.

    But, as I said, normal, decent people don't go in expecting their partners to cheat.

    To say "Don't worry hun, I'll never cheat on you" will freak out any woman. She'll be thinking, wtf, who said anything about cheating, why is he bringing it up? Does this mean he has cheated on girls in the past, and needs to reassure me? That will put doubt in her mind.
     

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