SRS My mum tried to off herself.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by no lol today, Jun 9, 2009.

  1. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Off & on in posts in here I allude to or straight up whine about my mom being nutty as well as the fact that I have a poor relationship with her. Today she proved how well she reinforces those conclusions.

    from my e-mail ...

    Shit, man. The news came as a shock. All in all I'm not surprised she proved she was capable of this sort of behavior, but I just had no idea that it was even coming.

    Just gotta figure out the appropriate steps to get her all better again - without my dad in the picture. He's happy to help but doesn't want to foster any unrealistic expectations.

    Holy crap.
     
  2. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    I recommend that YOU sign up for a counselor. I will admit that during this tough time of going through a 2 year break up that I have obtained one who picks me up, and will just talk and shop with me. Gone are the days when seeing and talking to someone are a sign of insanity, rather, in these days it is a robust sign of mental health to want to have help.

    You need to get our your feelings. She's also an expert on handling suicidal issues. So she (or he) can manage you and also suggest some tactics to handle your mother.

    This topic requires hours of conversation and some support. This is no longer softball.
     
  3. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    Very true. What you need to first understand is what your mother chooses to do, whatever she is going to do, it is her decision, and not at all your fault. Suicide is one of the most selfish things a person can do, to completely disregard the people they will be leaving behind and the feelings they will cause. By all means, do what you can to help her, if its something as simple as calling (if you live away from her) or talking to her as often as you can. You would be surprised how much a simple "I love you" can help. And who knows, maybe she just needs someone to talk to herself. It may start out casual, but she will open up and be willing to share her feelings with you in time
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    A marriage counseller would be an idea so that the 3 of you receive very much needed therapy. Woman with hormone problems can get serious emotional imbalance issues. Rebalancing your mother thru marriage councelling and psychiatric help is recommended. Your mother had to deal with a lot but she hasn't dealt with it at all, she is struggling with processing all the problems and pushing her stresses onto the family whom aren't capable to solve these issues , in other words everything just points in the direction that it is time to consult an expert.

    I can imagine you don't want to deal with it, but i strongly suggest and hope you can guide her into getting psychiatric help. Not every psychiater is great tho, i expect you should do quite some quality searching before you can get her the expertise that she needs.
     
  5. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    We're totally on top of getting this handled. Saw her today & she's no longer tripping & barfing. She's up & talking like everything's normal & fine. Any mention to what she did yesterday is very dry & matter of fact. So are her thoughts on where she's headed next - hospitalized psychiatric care. She won't be released from the hospital until the doctors clear her to do so. After that she thinks she's looking at outpatient care, but I'm not so sure. Whatever it is, the family will absolutely be actively participating.

    She has been in marriage counseling for about 2 years with my dad, but it was kept a secret. EVERYTHING was kept a secret. She keeps secrets, doesn't let anyone talk to her about problems nor does she talk about her own problems. My dad said she has been incapable of describing her feelings - in stead she provides a response about what has happened, what to do or what she says she will do, but it doesn't describe her emotional state.

    When she came down w/cancer a few years back she didn't even tell myself or my sister. Said it wasn't that big of a deal. Bullshit. Our dad told us about it shortly before the surgery because her esophageal cancer was forcing her to have her entire esophagus removed. It was absolutely a big deal.

    I've been very detached from my mother since my own diagnosis w/an autoimmune problem that has affected my neurological health. She sucks at coping as she avoids it completely ... I pretty much feel that she sucks at being a mother as a result. She was insensitive and outright insulting after I found out I had a life-altering revelation about my health ... told me I deserved it basically.

    I don't have a lot of faith that she'll recover but I'm trying to give the woman some credit. She's got some brains, after all and she's stubborn. Maybe she'll 'force' herself to adapt. She's pretty much lost a huge chunk of her identity after my sis & I fledged, she & my dad have come into money, moved out of the house she raised her kids in ... Maybe she'll find herself again (Or for the 1st time?) & move forward.

    Spiritus - where the hell do I find a counselor like that?!? My best friend & I used to do that but she's moved out of the country & I'm pretty much the antithesis of a social butterfly. A paid replacement would suit me just fine. I was just thinking earlier that I should call my therapist, but I wasn't sure 'cause I've been seeing an LCSW for bio/neurofeedback & might go to him in stead. Whatever I end up doing I think my mom would benefit hugely from a therapist who takes that sort of approach. When I was visiting her today she said she needed to find a nice gay guy to go shopping with ... I figure a counsellor would probably do her more good. She'd only end up reinforcing her bad B-type habits as a faghag. :mamoru:

    *sigh*

    I'm more worried about my dad for the time being. He is scared as hell, guilt tripping, insulted, horrified ... He still loves her but he can't willfully keep torturing himself by staying in a situation where the other involved party refuses to/is incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship. He's been trying as hard as he can, but she's been attacking him & his personality because he wants to move forward in life and she is terrified at the prospect of so much change.

    Hoping for the best outcome we can get :hs:
     
  6. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    Truth be told, you sound very disconnected to from your mother. The way you write, makes it seem like this is just a task in your in folder for you to take care of when in fact, it should be flipping you the fuck out. Maybe its just my interpritation, or maybe its just the filter that is the internet, you are only typing the facts, I'm not sure.

    Like I suggested before, maybe you should spend more time with her. Instead of letting her find some gay guy to go shopping with, why cant you do it? You seem incredibly disattached, and that in and of itself is cause for concern
     
  7. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Spending more time with her only lead to me being nuts from dealing with her bullshit. We get along far better the further I stay away from her.

    Not being surprised by this & not freaking out doesn't make me feel bad. I stopped feeling bad about not having a good relationship with her within the past couple years - because it's in my own best interest. If she's not going to have her own best interest in mind, I certainly can't do it for her. She has never been interested in taking up my offers. The only time she will interact with me in a cordial manner is if she stands to benefit directly.

    I tried & tried & tried again to reach out to this woman & all I got was "be quiet, my show is on." Oh - or "Don't you DARE compare yourself to ME." Upon arrival at her house I was always greeted with "Oh. It's you. Why are YOU here?"

    It's not worth freaking out over. I've got all my little stages of acceptance to deal with in regards to my parents splitting up, but the woman is batshit crazy. I've known it for a long, long time.
     
  8. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    Ever think she acts that way towards you because she is lonely and her child avoids her like the plague?
     
  9. Kafka

    Kafka New Member

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    My sympathies
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I think you need to convince your mother that she needs to stop making her heart a murderhole. Deep in the back she feels that she must not lose face and is obliged to be strong 24/7. This is extremely unhealthy and no wonder it drove her nuts, everyone needs to release steam from time to time otherwhise the kettle will explode. You have to explain this to her, and tell her that she needs to come to terms with herself and that its ok to express her 'weaker' parts to those who love her. Sometimes this kind of behaviour can be caused by exposure of emotions to bad people resulting in a trauma that makes the person in question build a wall of defence around themselves. Its almost asif its a bad experience from some previous life that she needs to come to face in this life. But i don't want to go off-topic on that, the main and important thing is that she learns how to open herself up to her loved ones. It should calm her down a bit. I actually suspect she was calm after her act because in a way it was a release of her supressed feelings, but she should release her feelings in a way normal people do, namely by talking about it.
     
  11. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    ^^^^ THIS ^^^^

    Not even. You're way off base & probably projecting some experience of your own onto this one. Family has noticed her treatment of me being extremely hostile since I was a child. Maybe tied to guilt over the death of my infant sister.

    fanks :hsughc:
     
  12. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    Now whos way off course? Making an assumption about me without any of my personal history is way different than my assumptions about you given the situational history you gave. It doesnt matter if shes been a bad mommy to you. You asked what you can do to help. My answer was give her a little attention. If you dont want to, if you are mad at her because she didnt show you enough love as a child because of your sister, or whatever the reason might be then thats fine. To me it sounds like it was a cry for attention. Keep avoiding her if you want, you're going to do whatever you want anyway so why ask?
     
  13. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Okay, after that post you're leading me to think you're really annoying :dunno: If you'd read through the other posts you'd have noticed that I never said anything that alluded to me proceeding in a disconnected manner now that she is in a position to receive help. The only reason that my relationship with my mother was poor was because she chose for it to be that way - there was a great deal of effort made on my part to reach out and relate to her. Given her unreceptive responses I just finally had to do what was best for me ... which is pretty much the crossroads my father met ...

    btw, I don't need to know you to read your posts & interpret information from them. If you're sensitive about that beware of the internet. I can lay a hypothetical down without making any assumptions about you whatsoever. A hypothetical statement merely provides a suggestion rather than state I have made an assumption.


    _______________________

    She's being released from the psychiatric facility tomorrow. :( Wish she was getting transferred somewhere else. She'll be staying with her parents for a while & is supposed to be going to outpatient therapy. I think she needs to go somewhere to be supervised while being counseled with other people in a similar situation. Other women who have tried suicide. So she can relate to them and follow examples of people making progress. The family therapy that was going on at the hospital she's being released from was canceled & I'm really mad about that. We needed that constructive time. From my perspective we have to get her to actually talk about her problems to the people who are close to her and depend on us for emotional support. If she doesn't practice that skill she's just going to try to kill herself again. Unfortunately, when she goes to stay with my grandparents she'll be surrounded by people who won't challenge her to talk about feelings. They want everything to be 'normal' as much as she does & they'll just go on pretending ...
     
  14. lua

    lua New Member

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    Speaking of as her sister, nope. Mom was in no way lonely. She had people that cared about her all around her. The weekend before this happened I spent the entire weekend with her, she was having hour long conversations with other family members, making plans to go to New York with a friend. She and my sister have not had a good relationship for a very long time, doubly so since my sister's health problems arose.
     
  15. lua

    lua New Member

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    Bullshit. There are people there that will challenge her.
     
  16. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Haven't seen Grandma or Grandpa talk about a single feeling yet. They just make anxiety driven chit chat and talk about the fact that dealing with emotions is hard ... maybe I'm just not here often enough to see what I'm looking for.
     

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