My much anticipated review of Transformers.

Discussion in 'Entertainment' started by TankRizzo, Jun 24, 2009.

  1. TankRizzo

    TankRizzo Sensational Moderator Super Moderator

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    Holy shit....my eyes still feel like they're dilated.

    OK, not sure but putting this here just in case.





    ****SPOILERS AHEAD****





    Two and a half hours of my life that I'll never get back. The reviews are no exaggeration, that was really an awful experience. The first one I at least had a little desire to watch again; not this one.

    It's a scatter brained, meandering and WAY too fucking long. Everyone says you have to "turn off your brain" to enjoy Bay movies...well, about an hour in I achieved this. Not so much because I wanted to, but after sitting there for an hour there hardly anything going on worth following, it just sort of happened.

    So, after achieving Michael Bay Zen and turning my brain off it only got worse. Explosions and hard on the eyes CGI. At this point the frat boy humor didn't even bother me. I disliked it in the first film because it was usually interrupting something that MIGHT be good, like the fight with skorponok that has the phone call to the credit card help desk slam the brakes on the action; or the scene where S7 hunts down the autobots and then they make Turturro strip to his hawaiian boxers and S7 superman shirt. Not this go around. None of that bothered me because shit was so indiscernible that it wasn't even interrupting anything. Jetfire farted a parachute, dogs were humping each other, Sam's mom was fucking unbearable, but none of it bothered me or felt out of place because, again...nothing was going on.

    A chase scene you didn't care about, a fight scene you didn't care about...and it's a good thing because, again, you can't tell what the fuck is going on. A couple scenes even looked unfinished and not smooth (kind of animated the way clamation does). Wheelie and the Twins, as annoying as they were, again, didn't bother me, but I think it's safe to say for $200,000,000, Michael Bay should be charged criminally for misappropriation of funds. Slo-mo is the only time where you could tell what was going on, lots more close ups of robot on robot action, and it's just hard to watch. Another thing...after all of the talk about how many robots are in the movie, they just re-used a bunch of the constructicons and sprinkled them through the final clusterfuck of a fight as fodder. The Fallen seemed like a complete afterthought...it was just a mess.

    In conclusion, this is the worst Michael Bay movie I've ever seen...and I've seen them all with the exception of Bad Boys 2 and The Rock. It's 2 1/2 hours of Michael Bay jerking off to how awesome he thinks he can be. I at least can see how some poeple might have enjoyed the first movie. The first one definitely had it's flaws, nonsense sub-plots and out of place humor, but it at least had some semblance of a start and finish, this one is just total rubbish.



    OK, I'm done...and probably left out a lot of shit, but I'm just overwhelmed with the awfulness of this whole thing. My boss told me I'll be seeing the 3rd one on my own :o
     
  2. BLoG

    BLoG Scented Meat

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  3. Michinda

    Michinda Last Tango ♪ ♫ ♬ ♩ OT Supporter

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  4. BLoG

    BLoG Scented Meat

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    why don't you put the cliffs of your review in bold?
     
  5. daze

    daze Supreme Member OT Supporter

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    pg 1
     
  6. virtuexru

    virtuexru OT Supporter

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  7. TriangleMan

    TriangleMan What doesn't kill you is going to die

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    The Rock was awesome
     
  8. TankRizzo

    TankRizzo Sensational Moderator Super Moderator

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    it's mostly rambling, but I bolded my conclusion :o
     
  9. MrRyan

    MrRyan Gary Johnson 2016 OT Supporter

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    I'm conflicted. :sad2:
     
  10. Ghost of Swayze

    Ghost of Swayze Ofcourse you mad

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    what a surprise

    youre so versatile with your taste in cinema
     
  11. BLoG

    BLoG Scented Meat

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    i meant bold and huge font :o
     
  12. fast and furious

    fast and furious New Member

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    it was so good:bowdown::bowdown:
     
  13. MrRyan

    MrRyan Gary Johnson 2016 OT Supporter

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    I want to see it...because I'm a Transformers fan from back in the 80's :sad2:
     
  14. BLoG

    BLoG Scented Meat

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    You haven't seen Bad Boys 2? That shit is the bomb, yo
     
  15. TankRizzo

    TankRizzo Sensational Moderator Super Moderator

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    Seriously though....this was THAT bad. I'm not just saying that...fucking horrible.
     
  16. daze

    daze Supreme Member OT Supporter

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    could you try to explain which aspect could conceivably make it an enjoyable movie? :dunno:
     
  17. TriangleMan

    TriangleMan What doesn't kill you is going to die

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    Marcus Burnett: [opens his front door] Who the FUCK are you?
    Reggie: I'm Reggie, Mr. Burnett
    Marcus Burnett: How old are you?
    Reggie: I'm fifteen, Mr. Burnett
    Marcus Burnett: Motherfucker, you look thirty.
     
  18. TankRizzo

    TankRizzo Sensational Moderator Super Moderator

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    yeah...I saw it out of obligation :o I was kind of excited about seeing it after all of the bad reviews and went in hoping I could just laugh at how awful it was...that's all well and good until you hit the hour mark. Shit was way too fucking long to see as a goof. :hs:
     
  19. Ghost of Swayze

    Ghost of Swayze Ofcourse you mad

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    its was very bland....but i still think it will be better than the GI Joe movie :wtc::wtc::wtc: atleast Bay can say that

    BTW...Friday the 13th was by far Micheal Bays worst butcher job ever
     
  20. RDB

    RDB Blinded By Subpar Modulators

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    LOL going to see with my 7 year old

    im sure he'll LOVE IT
     
  21. Janson

    Janson Bill Stickers in innocent. OT Supporter

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    lols, living up to expectations I see :o
     
  22. stapleremover

    stapleremover New Member

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  23. daze

    daze Supreme Member OT Supporter

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    why haven't you watched The Rock you big nut?

    seriously Tank... if you trusted me with your address i would mail you my DVD of The Rock so you can see it :mamoru:
     
  24. borborygmus

    borborygmus Guest

    well that sucks
     
  25. pimpofthenation

    pimpofthenation OT Supporter

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    I'd rather watch Optimus Prime die 1,000 more times than see this turd

    Of course, I'll probably rent it eventually... but fuck Michael Bay for this.

    ..and how the fuck haven't you seen "The Rock?" It's the only decent thing that Bay has done...
     

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