SRS My Male Friend Just Told Me He Was Raped

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by sportsjunkie, Oct 6, 2006.

  1. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    I'm talking to him, and the subject of sex arises; and I ask him when was the last time he had sex (just joking around) and he tells me it was in 2003, and I'm like :wtf: because he's a pretty attractive guy and he gets all the ladies.

    I ask him why and he tells me that december 2003 was the last time he had sex with a girl willingly.

    And I'm like "willingly"?! :rofl: "oh so you're trying to tell me that some chick raped you?!" and by this point I'm like :bowrofl:

    and he starts to look down and says he was raped :eek3: I say sorry and I ask him if he wants to talk about it and this is the story he tells me:

    'It was New Years night 2004, I got drunk at a house party. this chick i knew took me upstairs and we layed in bed for a while. she told me she wanted to fuck and i said 'no' and then she got on top of me. I tried to shove her off, but i was so drunk i was weak and i was dosing in and out of it. i remember her trying to get me hard by giving me a handjob and bj, but i just couldn't get it up. she went at it for what seemed like forever. i remember falling asleep. i then remember waking up and feeling her on me. she had my penis in her...again i tried to shove her off and i told her no but she was too into. (and by this time he was on the verge of tears :wtc: ) I remember that my penis felt sore and she was hurting me. and then i fell asleep again. I woke up and she was on the phone calling her ride and she just left me there. i called my brother to come pick me up.'

    I didn't know what to say or do but hug him and I started crying. he said he never told anyone about this because he said he didn't want to feel like a pussy and that if he went to the authorities, they wouldn't believe him and he felt like no one else would either.

    I told him he should talk to someone (a counselor/professional) about this. but he refuses :dunno:

    so basically, how do I help him with this? he hasn't had sex since then b/c of the rape and i don't want this to affect him with relationships :hs:

    it's not like i can go to the police b/c i don't even know who the chick is :wtc:
    i'm a lil taken back b/c never in my life did i think i would encounter a friend (let alone a guy friend) who would be raped :sad2:
     
  2. RobsMob

    RobsMob Guest

    He probably needs to see a counselor. Someone who can talk him through the different feelings he has.
     
  3. chopstixmastuh

    chopstixmastuh New Member

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    he probably needs someone to talk to or just be there for him emotionally, whether or not it's by talking. just being there with someone who knows about your past sometimes is enough. usually it helps to talk to someone who has also gone through the same thing and has learned to deal with it.... but i can imagine that there arent very many men who will admit to it...
     
  4. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    yeah...I was looking around our community for a group or something of males that have been abused and I found a few, but I'm not sure how I'm gonna bring it up to him

    I've told him how I'm here for him and he knows that. :hs:
    but I'm gonna check with the college and see if there's a counselor that can talk to him or me to see how i can help him
     
  5. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

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    and here i am, a man that would WILLINGLY pay for some chick to rape me....
     
  6. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    :mamoru:
     
  7. 2500

    2500 Guest

    this almost happened to me at a hotel party, but, i was awake enough to light a cig and i shoved it into the chicks leg, HAHAHA. needless to say, she got dressed and walked out, lol.

    anyways, your friend needs to talk to someone. he needs that, and time.
     
  8. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    oh man thats great...

    I just dont know how you can be so weak not to get a girl off you man, just slap her or something.... How old was your friend when this happened?? If he was 13 or so I get it..
     
  9. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    he was 19 when it happened, she was 18 (from what he said)...I wondered too how he couldn't get her off him, but he said she was a "bigger" girl and he said he was severely incoherent most of the time :dunno:
     
  10. shiba

    shiba Active Member

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    dude, she was probably a fat chick.
     
  11. kelvs

    kelvs OT Supporter

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    i knew it ! damn that's horrible. :wtc:

    but come on... no sex for the past 2 years ? :eek4: don't tell he he stopped whacking off too. :noes:
     
  12. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    I dunno about that. Hmmm, that's a good question though. maybe i'll ask him (just gotta find a way to bring it up)

    he was pretty sad when he told me all this and he's usually a vibrant upbeat guy.
     
  13. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Are you sure he wasn't give you a sob story to get YOU into bed?? I know plenty of guys that will tell a woman absolutely anything to get in her pants. I've have a hard time believing that this is real....more likely he wanted to bang you.

    However, let's assume he's being 100% honest with you. You should know that it's going to be damned hard to convince a jury to convict her....unless she's built like a linebacker and he's a smaller guy...so pressing charges is probably not an option but it's worth talking to the police or DA about.

    He should also see a professional counselor that specializes in rape cases. Women go on to lead productive lives after being raped but it takes time and work. I'm certain a man can move beyond it also.

    You could do some local checking for a rape counselor then just mention it to him if you find one. He obviously trusts you enough to share a very painful moment of his life so he most likely wouldn't be offended if you tried to help him work through it.

    But in all honesty, I think it was just a ploy.
     
  14. 2500

    2500 Guest

    i know mine was, lol. i'm shocked the cig actually burned through her hide. HAHHA:rofl::rofl::rofl:
     
  15. krott5333

    krott5333 Guest

    sounds like a dream come true :hsughno:
     
  16. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Thing is from your side you can't do anything about it anymore it happend, its really no use for you to worry about it. Its something he should get professional counselling for, if he's refusing that. Then there's nothing you can do for him,besides just being understanding.
     
  17. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    oh no, he's not trying to bang me, trust me. I'm looking into some rape counselor's now (doing my own research) and I will bring it up to him but if he refuses, then there's nothing I can do about it *sigh*
     
  18. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    oh yeah...I would never tell anyone (well besides you all of course :mamoru: but ya'll don't know him)

    he seemed very embarrassed while telling the story and I'm just heartbroken really
     
  19. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I told this story to 2 of my guy friends today and they both started cracking up and called BS on it. They agreed with me that the guy was simply trying to get into your pants, whether you believe it or not.

    I mean come on...ok so he was drunk....I've been PLASTERED to the point of not remembering what I did but I was still able to function. I was most definatly able to exert physical force on people because they told me I did.

    The more I think about it the more I'm convinced he's just trying to get laid. It's the old occam's razor principle..."In short, when given two equally valid explanations for a phenomenon, one should embrace the less complicated formulation." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occam's_razor
     
  20. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    eh, I've known him for a long time (since grade school) and if he wanted to fuck me, he could have done that already but he's like a brother to me.

    you can think what you want, but he was crying by the end of telling me the story and that's the first time I"ve ever seen him cry
     
  21. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Damn....nevermind. Sorry if I sound crass it's just really hard to believe that he actually got raped. I mean is he a small guy?? I mean muscular wise, not penis size or anything. Was the woman HUGE??
     
  22. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    no worries, I know it sounds hard to believe I hardly believed it myself :o
    He was a smaller guy at the time, but now he's like 220, he's bulky. he's a personal trainer...i think around the time this happened he was around 165 :dunno:


    And I had a long conversation with him last night over the phone and I asked him some of the questions you all had asked:

    I had a hard time asking him if he still masturbates but he said he was willing to answer my questions because he finally said last night that he'd go talk to a counselor :bowdown:

    -he said he does still masturbate
    -he said the chick wasn't fat big, but more tall big (he described her as an 'amazon woman' :mamoru: kind of glad he was humorous about it :hsd: )
    -he said the chick wasn't even from around the area and she was visiting friends here from college.

    I asked him about pressing charges and finding the chick (by talking to friends) but he doesn't want to do that because he feels that talking to someone and trying to get over it and put it in the past would be more helpful. he partially blames himself because he was so drunk.

    so yeah, I'm looking for professionals for him to go talk to and I'm just glad he finally agreed to seek help :)
     
  23. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    :mamoru: I hear ya....but I'm not the emotional one and I know when guys are playing mind games :cool:
     
  24. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Is he gay?

    I'm being serious here. If he was so traumatized by a woman having her way with him, maybe he likes men but is having a really hard time admitting or coming to terms with that.

    In all honesty, if a woman did that to me, I'd be somewhere between disgusted and grateful. I mean even if I woke up and saw this Amazon woman humping away, I'd just go with the flow....afterall, the deals done might as well have a little fun also and just hope your friends don't see you enjoying it. :)

    I would not be traumatized to the point of not wanting to have sex for 2 years.
     
  25. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    oh, he's in no way gay ( I believe). but that could very well be the case.

    I just see the whole double standard here, it's wrong for a man to have his way with a woman, but if a woman has her way with a man, it's thought of as a ':bowdown: ' thing

    :hs:
     

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