SRS My Long Distance Relationship.....

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Guz200sx, Feb 27, 2007.

  1. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    So I made a thread earlier titled "2nd Date..." - Thread link ---> http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3030676

    And this is the update ....

    I'll start from the beginning cause I know some OT'ers are lazy bums and won't go back & read the previous thread. :rofl: j/k

    I meet this girl that lives in PA and I'm in Virginia. We meet thru Eharmony. We feel/felt a connection at one point but at the beginning she is unsure about the distance. We are 3hrs apart. We figured we can see each other every month and switch off like that but now, in the past week, she has distanced herself from me and I asked her what was wrong and she has told me she doesn't know about the distance. We couldn't talk much on the phone because she was at work with people around her.

    So we agreed to talk later and we just did.
    Basically boils down to the fact that she wants a man to be near to her and not further away from her. She's been having issues with her neighbors and what not. And she's been real pissed at them and I guess all of this has made her think about us and where we are going. She said the other night she wanted to leave cause her neighbors were makin a ruckus and she didn't have anyway to go like to a boyfriends house and she ended up goin to her sisters house and she didn't feel good about that.

    She said she wants to be able to call up her boyfriend and say hey lets go have dinner or lets watch a movie...(u know just on the fly). But with me being just about 200miles (its bout 170+ i believe), its impossible to do that on the fly. She said some people are able to do the LDR but she doesn't think she can be one of them. I told her I was willing to do the LDR because I like the connection we had and I wanted to see where it went but she said with the distance she doesn't feel like we can build anything off of that.

    Basically at the end....I told her that for a LDR both people have to want it in able for it to work and in most LDR's their is a means to the end like maybe a yr or two or less maybe we could be together somehow and she said that she didn't want to wait that long and that she has waited so long already that she doesn't want to keep waiting. That she wants it now. And that when her last relationship ended, she decided she didn't want to settle for anything less of what she had in mind.

    She said she wanted us to remain friends but I told her I couldn't sit back and be a friend when I have feelings for her and then in the back of my mind, knowingly know that she is with some other guy. I couldn't be a friend and call her up one night and she is hanging out with her boyfriend. I wouldn't feel right with that BUT then in the same sentence I don't want to lose her, I don't want to stop talking to her, etc....

    It was a little heartbreaking.....just because I believe I can do the LDR and she says she doesn't think she can and I just don't know why she can't. She said she just doesn't have that in her. I guess I do even though I believe I am also one of those people that needs that contact.

    And she did mention the fact that before we even went into the whole "possible" relationship, she had thought about the distance and she knew it would be hard but she said she liked me and she said she was going to give me a chance and see what would happen.

    I told her I feel the same way she feels sometimes too like I wish I could just call her up and be like let's go catch a movie but then I remember she is in PA and impossible.

    I don't know.....I am confused.
    I do not want it to end but I do not want to be her friend either. I don't think the "friend" thing would last very long anyway.
    And that would prolly be cause.... basically because I do not want to hear about other dudes she is meeting. That would be too hard.


    I don't know whats goin to happen....We ended the call cause we had been talkin for an hour and half already and we both need to go to sleep for work tomorrow....I still haven't gone to bed yet tho...We'll be talkin tomorrow night though some more.
     
  2. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I don't blame her for wanting to end it, LDRs are not fun. If neither of you is planning to move near the other one soon then it can be very hard to keep a relationship going. I think she's doing the right thing by ending it now before you guys get too involved and it becomes much harder.
     
  3. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Yea, she mentioned that it would be harder if it ended 3-4months later. If she said OK i can't do this anymore.

    But we haven't even talked about moving to be near each other...I don't even know if thats an option for us. I don't think our feelings are that deep to even consider moving.

    And also I don't think she would move. She has her 12yr old son that she can't uproot.
    She mentioned moving to the beach, if she found the perfect job but thats iffy.
    If anyone were to move, it would be me. I have my parents in the area and of course my job. My job is not anything I would miss. I would miss the pay though. I don't know if I could make what I make anywhere else, even though its still nothing compared to others.
    My parents would miss me and they would freak out.

    I also don't think she would want that either....She doesn't want to uproot me from my thing here.

    It looks like its only going in one way and its toward the end :-(

    I want to save it though....
    I understand when she says She wants a guy closer to her and I can't say I blame her. I want a girl closer too but sometimes we can't have it all.
     
  4. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Should I ask her then if her feelings for me are different and not what she once thought?

    I asked her last night if the distance was the only thing and she said it was but of course because she is being nice she wouldn't tell me the REAL truth.

    I guess I could ask her for the REAL truth, even though it will hurt...





     
  5. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    Like everyone has said, LDR's are really hard and even harder if not impossible if theres no "end in sight".
    Neither one of you is that invested in the relationship that you'd really consider moving, and she obviously doesnt want to take the time to get to know you well enough where one of you actually would consider moving.
    You even said it yourself, she's got her kid, you're very attached to your family (not a bad thing).
    So ask yourself, where is this relationship going? Can it really go anywhere? Do you really want to be in a LDR forever? (I know thats extreme, but if neither of you decide that this is something worth moving for...) Neither of you want to have to deal with the moving issue, and she doesnt want to be in an LDR where her bf isnt there with her.
    Sorry dude.
     
  6. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Spare yourself the time and effort...sometimes it is just not meant to be and no amount of pushing her will get you any answers that will satisfy you. I know sometimes it may be better to hear "Well, I just don't like you" rather then not knowing what went wrong, but sometimes they just don't know. She may have genuine feelings for you, but just not to the degree that is required for a LDR

    You're going to just have to distance yourself and move on because I have a feeling you're not going to get any answers from her. One day, perhaps months later when you feel emotionally removed from the situation, you can perhaps connect as friends again, but not right now.

    I was in a very similar situation once a few years back now and to this day I don't know exactly why she decided to call it off. Today we're friends and the point is moot.
     
  7. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Well, I don't want to lose her completely so even if it is as a friend it will still be fine. Maybe she will realize that she's missing out on the best thing since sliced bread....But I can still keep contact with her and also do my thing down here ;-)

    I already made contact with some other girl who gave me her numbers and is already stressing out about why I haven't called her yet. I'll make that one wait though..

    So I'll keep on doing my thing here and maybe once in while I can hang with her in PA.

    If she lost interest in me, I'll make her gain interest in me again, haha
     
  8. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    the only way she will gain interest is if you do your own thing. She needs to see that you have a life outside of her. Dont talk to her for a bit and then you will really see how she feels.
     
  9. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    :werd:
     
  10. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    My LDR was a 3 hour / 200 mile one. But we saw each other every 2-3 weeks the first couple months, then every other week, then every weekend until I moved to SC. But really, it only works if you BOTH want to put forth the effort. It sucks she's seeming to be giving up on it though.
     
  11. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Yea, I dunno. I talked to her sister and she told me she's been hurt in the past and one time she was hurt very badly and her heart was broken so whenever she gets close to someone she pulls away in fear of having her heart broken again.

    I think after our last long talk though (which was Tuesday) she said she doesn't think she will be dating for a while and that she is just going to focus on herself for a while now.

    I, on the other hand, am going to try and continue to play the field.
     
  12. DubbyDoo

    DubbyDoo New Member

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    yea man ldrs are tough i lived 700 miles away from my g/f and i was flying down to see her every month but one thing that ldrs need is good trust and well ill say some things happened to make me not trust and that tore it apart i myself will never do one again
     

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