SRS My Life

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by bnfmsgeek, Apr 27, 2007.

  1. bnfmsgeek

    bnfmsgeek New Member

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    It happened again today. Another blowup. This time I could’ve gone to Juvie. I got really angry at a teacher. It was a seemingly little thing, but if you got to know me, and the thoughts that have been on my mind recently, you’d understand.

    Let me explain myself. Hi. I’m bnfmsgek. I’m from a little town in Iowa on the border of the Mighty Mississippi. I’m 14 and just love the computer. By law, I’m mentally disabled, but don’t let that fool you. I’m a bright child- I got 98% on my national standardized tests (ITBS, for those who want to know). I have OCD and ADHD – a deadly combination. Normally I’m fine, but when I get mad, I get REALLY mad. For example, in first grade I through a chair at a teacher. In kindergarten I used to hide under desks. I’m also a little slower than most kids. I know the stuff and I learn fast its just that it takes longer to do my work – according to U of I 30% longer – which causes me to not quite fit in the system. I could take the slower class, be bored, not learn much but get the work done, or I could be in the standard class, learn a lot, but not get my work done. This seems to cause a lot of trouble.

    Lately, I’ve been taking a look at my life, and realizing just how pathetic it is. Not that I’m depressed or anything – I mean I’m one of the more well-liked kids in school. Its just that lately my life seems to be unfulfilling. I get up every morning, go to school, come home, get on the computer, watch TV, eat got to bed and do the exact same thing the next day. My life seems to be missing excitement.

    Not that living in Iowa helps. Nothing exciting ever seems to happen in Iowa. All that’s here are corn and pigs. It’s very depressing. I want to be in a big city- Chicago, New York, or LA! All that excitement, all the buzz.

    I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to act. I mean, not only do I have the talent- I can portray almost any emotion on-the-spot, so real that it freaks people out, plus I’m the only one in my class that does readers theater with ANY emotion – but it would solve a lot of my problems. Acting is exciting work, you get to learn to do all sorts of things, go all sorts of places, but it also means that I could get the personalized attention to education I need. It pays good, you get lots of attention, - hell, I love the actors lifestyle. When I say “actor” I mean movie actor – professional acting. Not high school stage acting or other stage acting – I tried that and decided I didn’t like it – but film acting.

    Recently I’ve been idoling Josh Hutcherson. He’s the older kid (Walter) in Zathura, Carl in RV, Jesse in Bridge to Terabithia, and Gabe in Little Manhattan (a good movie, though its kinda sad), ect. Not only is he a really good actor, but he’s kinda hot (Did I mention I was gay? Sorry about that). I want to be like him. I want to be an actor of his popularity. And I know I can do it.

    My parents don’t really think I can do it. They say it’s a great dream but remind me that the likelihood of that ever happening are slim. Even if they did support me, we could never find the kind of money to support that. I mean we’re not poor, but sometimes we are barely getting by. I live in a nice house and nice things and all, but supporting a dream like that is expensive. First you got to hire an agent (the closest place to do that around here is Chicago – 3 hours away), then they bring in an acting coach for a workshop. If he thinks I’m good enough, he’ll say we have to go to LA for pilot season. Then we got to get plane tickets to LA, plus accommodations, and well, it all adds up. Plus by the time I’ll finally get successful, I won’t be a kid anymore and that’s what I want to be – a kid actor. It gives me a feeling that my dreams are just out of reach, so close I can almost reach them and its killing me. There is one teacher that really supports me – which brings me back to the top.

    I was looking forward to talking to her about all this, like I normally do (It’s a resource class- like a study hall, but smaller). She kept pestering me to do my missing assignment. I finally blew up, started yelling, and kicked a recycle bin. When the dean of students came I went to a corner, grabbed a shelf and held it in front of me, as if to defend myself. I refused to leave, he called in the principal. When he finally got down, I gave up and went down to the office where I cried for the rest of the day (It was the last period).

    My parents reminded my I could have gone to Juvie, which dashes all chances of me ever doing anything. They could lose there jobs, and I could be even lower than I am today. Once you get in the system,you stay in the system. Everyone’s afraid of me when I get in these fits. I must say, I’m even afraid of my self some times.
    I guess all I have to say for myself is God works in mysterious ways.



    ----
    This is all true and happenned to me today. If this gets popular, and I think its neccessary, I'll start a blog, and/or a vlog or a podcast. Please don't hurt me because i'm already pretty low on self-esteem and I really need support.

    UPDATE: I added those long-awaited paragraph breaks.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2007
  2. veonake

    veonake OnT poster, OT lurker

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    #1 This would be more appropriate in the Asylum.
    #2 I know you're probably a high school freshmen, but if you want people to feel at ease reading your writing I would learn better paragraph/sentence structure. You have many lengthy paragraphs and awkward organization, which lead to more difficult reading.
    #3 Your feelings sound normal for your age, but maybe a little more introspective than average.
    #4 Does your psych know about your anger issues?
    #5 Definitely pursue acting if you feel that it would be rewarding to you.
    #6 It's only high school (junior high), don't sweat it too much. Although, do get good grades.

    I was in a list mood, deal with it. :hsugh:
     
  3. Supergeek

    Supergeek New Member

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    The fact that you can be introspective enough to question your motives and regret your outbursts after the fact is a good thing. Most teens at your age act out and never think about it, even when they get older. People aren't taught to analyze their internal conflicts, and that's unfortunate.

    That said, good luck. No one on here can really help you, and you shouldn't take advice from a website anyway.

    Oh, and veonake, his writing is probably better than most 14 year-olds, don't knock him too much. More paragraph breaks would be good, but he's probably not familiar with formatting for online consumption.
     
  4. monkey69

    monkey69 New Member

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    Freshman year sucked for me.

    In my opinion it only gets better.

    If you hit senior year and you still have these thoughts running through your mind, then maybe it's a problem.
     
  5. Gli

    Gli i can has fast duck?

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    You remind me EXACTLY of someone in my photo class. You seem similar in the fact that you talk about how ADHD/OCD/depression are taking you down a hill and you tell people about it, not just keep it to yourself. The kid I'm talking about, he always talks about how he is "doing better" and about all of his slight problems in life. However, I think he and you both dwell on your problems too much. ADHD/OCD are all bullshit. I could probably be defined as OCD, but why? What would defining myself as OCD do? It wouldn't change anything. I "have" ADD as well, but I don't flaunt it and I dont think it's real. Yes, I daze off and all of that but I dunno I still think it's a hoax.

    Get through it and stop dwelling on such minimal things like being "slow". I doubt you're slow. You got 98% on the tests. I think you're probably smart and just need to tell yourself you're smart and you'll get it done.

    It's High School...it sucks. You'll get through it though.
     
  6. juvental604

    juvental604 I like to pee upside down OT Supporter

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    Alot of people become acters as a way of dealing with their disorder. Its definitely a good thing to pursue. I would suggest a back up plan also though because its not easy to make money with. The chicks and other things come easily with it especially if your funny. Its also very good for your socials skills so if you are good you can get far in lots of areas.

    There are ways for dealing with OCD and ADHD. Even though the doctor wants to give you lots of meds its not the only way to go. A big part of it is in your mind like the above poster suggested. Also maybe try being happy you have OCD because you can use it to your advatange in many ways.

    Another thing is dont be affraid of juvie. Unless you plan to kill someone kicking the recycling bin wont get you there.(unless the laws are different in iowa) I wish I new this when I was a kid. Your basically free to fuck up till your 18. Many of us did much worse and still got through. You do have a cool story to tell all your little friends about now.

    You should act because you want to act. Not just to be some big time actor. You gotta have a passion and love for it.

    I suggest reading some self help books and learning how to motivate your self. Also continue to do lots of activities and youl see your like the others.
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2007
  7. ugh your 14 and gay? I was gonna question if you even got pubes yet, but then I saw that you though "little Manhattan" was a great movie...


    As for acting, act in plays.... what the hell do you expect? some random ass company to give a mentally handicapped guy with no expeirence acting a bunch of money???

    Basically stop being a douche is my advice to you friend
     
  8. veonake

    veonake OnT poster, OT lurker

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    You probably need to mentally mature several years before you giving anyone advice. You realize this is not the main forum, right?
     
  9. juvental604

    juvental604 I like to pee upside down OT Supporter

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    People acting like you are the reason kids like this are insecure in the first place. You need to grow up your self. You sound like one of those roid monkeys (with a small dick) at the gym that keeps looking at themselfs telling themselfs they arent gay.

    And yes im willing to bet alot of actors have a mental disorder of some sort. You probably have one your self.
     
  10. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    On Topic --> The Asylum

    You'll get the feedback you need in here. :wavey:
     
  11. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

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    Hey fellow high-schooler :)

    by US standards im a sophomore, and i can tell you that for me there was an improvement in life from freshman to sophomore.

    Keep your head up. High school is a b*tch, and it's full of some of the dumbest crap and worst dickheads I meet anywhere, but it'll end. meanwhile, maybe start going out with your friends a bit more - i don't mean going out to get wasted, (although if that's your thing then sure) I mean just go out to the movies, for fun, and just to have a few laughs. embrace the stupidity and do dumb things - make Iowa fun!

    just my two cents. feel free to IM me if you like, msn: [email protected], AIM: nish81nish81
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    ADD/OCD are fake? Oooookay.
     
  13. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Give an enormous swing to your life, move with your family to Hollywood , then start a carreer as an actor.

    Don't let anything stop you, not your age, not anyone elses comments. And listen as closely as you can to this advice "don't be intimidated , act in a way so that you win in life' Go for Gold, and push away anything and everything that is in your way. If something doesn't work out, give a swing to your life into a direction that will work out.

    You act as MUCH as possible as you can at home, try to find out what the people like, and be funny and humorous , (no one likes to have a chair thrown at his face) , so what you need to do is to prevent those anger sessions, by preventing such situations from ever occuring in the first place.

    Remember negativity leads to nowhere, and especially anger can be your own downfall , America is a place where little offenses can crusify you for life, and the exuse of being mentally disabled can only get you so far.

    Its better to try to live your dream and fail, then regretting that you never chases that dream and die.

    So you have my blessing, become an actor and let nothing stop you!
     
  14. bnfmsgeek

    bnfmsgeek New Member

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    thanks for the help

    and about the paragraph breaks -I copied this from word and I was too lazy to fix it.

    plus this probably doesn't resemble my true writing ability... I was very shaken up at the time

    by no means (at least as far as i know) is my disabilties getting me down

    like i said my parents don't support me so by no means am I going to be moving to LA anytime soon. Thats what brings me to say that i'm probably going to have to get in using an "unconventional" way. I've got a few ideas - youtube or possibly making an open-source movie and give the footage to anyone to edit as they wish. Hey, the internet worked for lonelygirl13 and that Andy Mikonis kid - why can't that happen to me?

    and about the self-help books i've been read some of The Secret and am reading a book on Creative Visualization - using the power of your immaginiation to create what you want in life. I just hope that isn't a buch of BS.
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2007
  15. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    ImperialSprite > your retarded ass by leaps and bounds. worst poster on OT.



    As to the OP, let me get you started on some acting/industry stuff based on my own experiences. (I'm 21 and in college, I commonly work in films in St. Louis)

    One point at a time:

    -Theater acting. If you can do it, don't put it out of your mind completely. A lot of film actors branch into/out of it and find that it's helpful. I personally stick with film right now because I commute too much to hold down the rehearsal dedication. But I've done theater before.

    -Your parents are just looking out for you, and as a whole, they're right. People are literally clawing their way to get a shot at the spotlight all over the world. That doesn't mean you shouldn't make it a serious goal, but it's something to be aware of.

    -Supporting a dream like that IS expensive. Even when you manage to nail an audition, odds are quite good that you'll be working for free (for experience) or close to it. But the burden doesn't have to sit with your parents if you can hold down a steady job.

    -Agents. Bursting your bubble right now, you are wrong on all counts. As a starting actor, the LAST thing you should do is seek out an agent. Nevertheless, in most cases legit agents won't even consider bringing you in without a union membership/eligibility from SAG or AFTRA (which is done by acting in a union movie) because they want to see that you're able to get work on your own first. These guys are looking to make money and want to know that their investment in you will pay off.

    (By the way, if an agent DOES consider you without union membership or a boatload of experience, I guess go for it, just be extra careful that they're not attempting to rob you and your parents blind. as far as I know, no legitimate agents charge fees up front, they only take a chunk of what you earn.)

    But that's good news. You don't have to bother with an agent for a while. You can look up your own work (most likely on craigslist). In fact, in my neck of the woods this is the most popular way to go. Most gigs you'll come across as an actor starting out are non-union so you just call/email the director in the ad and they'll schedule you for an audition.

    -Off of that, let's talk about LA. I think it's a mistake to try and drop yourself right into LA to start. You should definitely be working in your region. Being as big as it is, there are many opportunities in LA, but it's expensive and pretty rough around the edges.

    -As for your mental disorders... well you may want to get those under control. Acting is a hard business to live in, you're gonna need some thick skin if you want to stay happy through it (especially if you decide to go to LA). Don't get me wrong, the people I've worked with are wonderful, but sometimes you rub someone the wrong way, someone just doesn't like you, or you might face a long string of rejections and you've got to keep your head up through it all.

    Good luck. :wavey:





    allthatshitbyme.jpg :o
     
  16. bnfmsgeek

    bnfmsgeek New Member

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    Acting

    No agent? Well thats a relief. What should I do for headshots? What should I wear, where should I get them, how many ect.

    Good, craigslist has a section for "Quad Cities" (thats where I live). Is there any similar sites? Craigslist only has one good listing. Most of them are looking for female models.
     
  17. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    As far as headshots go, it's up to you. What kind of image do you want to portray to casting directors? I send around one with me in a leather jacket and a martini, but I actually need to update it because that's not always the image I want. I couldn't tell you who to go to because I don't know any photographers in Iowa, though. Shop around and ask to look at their work, go with what works for you.

    I dunno, craigslist is pretty much the only thing I look at other than stlauditions, but that's obviously exclusive to St. Louis. You might check with local universities with a film department.
     
  18. bnfmsgeek

    bnfmsgeek New Member

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    Audition

    How does this one look? Its the only one in my local area right now. I could do St. Louis, if I had to. It's only only 4-hour drive from here. Plus I know someone (I thinks he's my uncle) who lives down there. The problem is convincing my parents. Other places I could do are Chicago (3.5 Hours) and Des Moines (3.5 hours).
    I'll email the lister for more info. Heck, who knows this could be my first gig.

    Update: I did email the guy (or girl). I'll see what (s)he says.

    Do you think it would be wise to do my headshots by myself with a hobby photographer, or should I try to convince my parents to have them done professionally?

    Thanks again for all your help :)

    Have a good one,
    bnfmsgeek
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2007
  19. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    The problem with traveling out for auditions is that you're throwing down a huge effort and expense for something that is anything but a guarantee. That said, I do it all the time. You may try to arrange a videotaped audition, but I've never done that before.

    As far as photos... I would say it's best to get someone to take decent pictures, no need to throw down all the stops. I haven't gotten pro shots yet and I don't plan to in the immediate future.

    When you sent out the e-mail, did you include the info they were asking for? Photo and such?
     
  20. bnfmsgeek

    bnfmsgeek New Member

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    Here's the email... is it ok?

    Hi,
    My name is <actual name>. I was looking at your listing and would like some specifics. I'm 14 and this would be my first audition. I have no experience expect for this year in Drama club at <my school>. Is that OK or are you looking for someone with little more experience? I don't have any photos right now, but if this seems like a good opportunity, I'll have some done and email them to you.
     
  21. Jadix

    Jadix The Nice Guy

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    first of all, you're not stupid. Dont let people tell you that. Just because you're not a model student, doesn't mean you're stupid or even worse.

    I live in california. LA is an hour away from here. Are you certain you want to be an actor? As glorified as the career is, it may be hard for you to understand what its actually like, especially when you live in Iowa. LA is a dog eat dog town. Nobody can be really trusted. I've met so many young actors who have gotten 50+ auditions for commercials through their agents and haven't had a second of screen time. If you have the talent, I would recommend making a short film with a character you relate to in some way. That way you have something to merit you. Something you can hand to somebody and say "this is what i'm capable of".

    In general, you're still in highschool. It is normal to be stressed about the rest of your life and where it will lead you. My best advice is this: Take what you already have, and get what you can with it. If you tell yourself right now "I'm going to be a famous actor with 2 ferraris and a big house with a pool" then you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. IM NOT SAYING YOU PROBABLY CANT ATTAIN THAT. What im saying is, dont limit yourself to a concrete dream. Dont tell yourself "this is what i have to be or else i wont be happy". Your life doesn't have to BE anything. Just see where you can go from where you are. All you can possibly know for certain is where you are and what is directly in front of you. Everything else is speculation and hope, so dont be fooled. Dont panic and declare yourself lost if you aren't where you want to be.
     
  22. richiespice

    richiespice New Member

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    Spoken like a true prophet, Jadix. A basic principle of Buddhism is "to live is to suffer, to suffer is to live" You probably feel very alone in your frustration, but you are not. It's interesting because a lot of people aren't stifled by the reality of indecisiveness until they get to college. I've changed my major over 4 times but now I'm pretty happy with it. Confucius once said "Wait by the river long enough, and your enemies will float by." Don't worry if things don't work out right away. Thomas Edison didn't invent the light bulb in one try he had to fail dozens of times before he could get it right. The process of inventing who you are takes time, you will make mistakes, you will fuck up, but that's okay. It is through some of my hardest times that I have learned who I was, retrospection and introspection clears things up. You need to start asking yourself more questions because what I think is a problem here is that you think that acting is the only way that you can achieve happiness; instead what you could think about is what about making acting makes you happy and then see where that takes you- is it the attention, the storytelling, the involvement/adaptation to a character. Because you shouldn't beat your head against the wall if you can't cut it with acting, you should just try to find something else that gives you the same kind of "high" or enjoyment be it music, writing, copious amounts of sex/drugs, or just taking a walk with your dog. Have a good one.
     
  23. bnfmsgeek

    bnfmsgeek New Member

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    Part of my parents problem is I've always been interested in computers. (In fact I still plan to get an entry-level technical certification this summer.).
    All my life that is what I wanted to do with my life. And now this sudden change in aspirations? They are finding that a little hard to comprehend. Of course we can always use computers as a backup plan, too.

    If that was always what I wanted to to with my life, I would probably already be working on it.

    Jadix- About the short, that is what I was actually thinking about doing and posting on youtube or the like.

    I got a bunch of books coming from the library full of monologs and the like. Does anyone have any reccomendations?

    Plus we can always hope what happened to Charlie Ray will happen to me. Her aunt saw an ad in a (new york) newspaper and took Ray down to the audition and got the part of "Rosemary" opposite Huthcherson in "Little Manhattan". Nothing unique about this expect this was her first-ever movie audition! She's not very popular but we can still learn from her story.

    AND THERES NO WAY I'M DOING DRUGS! (sorry to shout).
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2007
  24. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    This is NOT the time of year to be going apeshit nuts in class.
    There is another thread here about a senior that took an instructors instructions literally - he wrote what was on his mind in creative writing class, his life is in shambles.

    Roll it all up in a ball and bury it deep inside.

    Kidding.

    You need to find an outlet for this raw energy inside of you. If you don't it will eat you up inside and it will drag you down.
     

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