SRS my life

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Burns45678, Apr 24, 2006.

  1. Burns45678

    Burns45678 New Member

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    ug where to begin

    I just feel horrible like my life is spiraling downward and out of my control. I'm not motivated to do anything anymore. An hour ago i found myself staring at my ceiling with an ungodly amount of homework sitting next to me its 2 am and i still havn't started. I just have to many things going through my mind at the moment, which is why im making this post i suppose to help me sort out my thoughts.

    As of a few months ago i was fine and cool not a nervous reck at all, i had found a new circle of freinds to hang out with play some poker and all that good stuff. My last circle of freinds wasnt very nice to me and started getting pretty heavy into drugs, alcohol, and vandalism which is something i really dont wanna be a part of at all. This year i became vice president of my class (my freind talked me into it but this was very hard for me to do) but since ive noticed a popularity spike, and im nolonger the butt of so many jokes (im overweight and very sensitive about it), and as of last year i lost alot of weight around 25 pounds and that helped me boost my confidence a little (still overweight just not by to much).

    But recently it seems my world is crashing down upon me. Prom is coming up soon and ordinarilly i would just stay home and skip it, but because of this lady who is my student councel advisor (who absolutly hates me for reasons i do not want to go into) is basicly making me go or kicking me off my vice presidency (she has been looking for a reason to oust me all year and has threatned to have me removed before). So now im thrown into a sea of problems like finding a date making sure my freinds are going dealing with my parents. I barly talk to girls, but i managed to secure a date with a very attractive, very nice, and smart (like top 5 in the class) girl. I am so freaking lucky about that one. But even though she said yes to me im not sure if she said yes because she though noone else would have asked her or because she actually likes me. Since i asked her i haven't spoken a word to her or even made eye contact, because im to scared. That was 3 weeks ago, and every day i just feel worst and worst because im such a pussy.

    Now my new freinds are starting to get into drinking and some of them are smoking pot, but they are the best freinds ive had all my life, and i dont wanna alienate myself and be left out while their off having fun witout me. On one hand i alienate myself from my new freinds by not hanging out with them, and on the other hand i compromise my morals.

    Now as a way of clearing out my head about prom and my new freinds, also to lose a little more wait because im starting to feel a little more self concious of my weight again, i picked up running and i manage a little under 2 miles a day (i must admit i was a little inspired by ot fittness here). but the other day i was going my normal routin and i run into a group of kids who start pointing at laughing at me yelling out hey fatty, at first i just gave a quick middle finger yelled back at them fuck you shook it off and was on my way with my run. But later i started thinking, is this how other people see me as just some fat kid. this must be how people i know perceive me as well. Now im less motivated to run because now i always see other people eyeballing me, judging me.

    My Parents are now also getting increasingly on my back. They give me zero credit. I have done good in school all my life (i have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD i forget right now and had an uphill battle with my education and worked my way out of remedial classes into honers classes). Never touched a ciggeratte even though i was offered plenty of times. I have only ever drunk once but it wasnt even to the point of excess. the worst thing i have ever done was have my brother buy me 50 dollars worth of fireworks they took them away from me. but i specifically remember before that my brother (when he was even younger than me) had a whole bunch of even more powerful fireworks and my parents didnt give a shit. I cant hold a conversation with them without my mom just happening to mention a dramatic story about the dangers of smoking or why i shouldnt drink and drive, but she hides it by trying to make it sound like it happend to a freind of her or a freinds son. i havnt done anything to diserve this kind of treatment from them.

    And recently ive been having thoughts of suicide, as an easy out. I've had these thouhts before years ago but finding jesus helped me out back then, but now whenever im in a bad emotional state the thought always pops in the back of my mind and i just focus on it. these thoughts are kind of what prompted me to write all this. i suppose i should get back to my homework now.
     
  2. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    You know, some parts I think you're doing ok. So we all lose control every once in a while, you're entitled to call out for help.

    First I'd say...if you're not already into it, don't feel pressured to do all the drinking & smoking just because your friends are doing it. People will of course say, "if they push you to do it, they're not really your friends". But I know at your age that's easier said then done.

    But what I pleasantly discovered was that in all likelihood, your friends are still going to be your friends whether you choose to be straightedge or not. I went through a lot of environments where I was exposed to smoking, drinking and drugs...often a simple "no thanks" sufficed. Those of my friends who experimented with stuff around me knew I didn't take that shit and left me alone about it...now today they've all dumped the habit too. Thinking your friends will no longer associate with you just because you choose not to do those things is all in your head.

    If you're running 2 miles each day I think you're doing great. I don't care what weight you are, that's more then many people can do. You get a bunch of kids rail on you? So what? Grow some tougher skin the world can be a lot crueler then that. Turn that into fuel to motivate you forward rather then fuel your insecurites.
     
  3. scaryice

    scaryice New Member

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    Whatever you do, do it with confidence.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Love,believe and support yourself, no matter how much you weigh if you don't love yourself you can never say to yourself 'im satisfied with who i am', and that is the real problem, losing weight is something you can do, and something you should do for yourself not for anyone else, along with that its unhealthy to be obese.

    http://www.near-death.com/rosenblit.html is a near-death experience about someone who was not below rediculing fat or handicapped people. It will show you an insightfull review (its a long read tho,so skip the comment parts)

    You don't want to have friends that stimulate you into drugs,sigarettes,alcohol. You might feel outcasted now, but these are the kind of people that ruin their lives ,and those of others.

    When it comes to homework , just put your mind on zero and goto work. You don't have to worry about it, because its an investment in behalf of your future. You will survive without any diploma, its just that you earn a lot more with a diploma, and that's that extra benefit that you invest for, so for now just do it for the money.
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Start talking to that girl or else she will have given up on you and found another person to go with. Yeesh man, she's not kryptonite, she's just a human being and by not talking to her or even looking at her you are probably making her feel like something is wrong with her. Seriously bro, it's not that big of a deal. Relax, go chat with her.
     
  6. Burns45678

    Burns45678 New Member

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    Thank you.
    Last night i was getting really down on myself but i saw today as a much better day, ive determined that im gonna ask the girl to hang out or see a movie or something i guess i already asked her to prom this couldnt be much harder, and my freind is going running with me and he is helping me keep motivated. And as for my freinds ill keep hanging out with them and a couple of them i found out are getting kinda annoyed by all that bs too so im not alone. i suppose im not so bad off. thanks for the support
     
  7. michaele36

    michaele36 New Member

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    honestly i personally think smoking pot in better then drinking. drinking is more dangerous. also my parents were and sometimes still are a pain in the ass about drinking and all. just tell them i know, you've told me this before, and i'm sick of hearing it over and over.
     
  8. thatoneguy

    thatoneguy OT Supporter

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    yeah, if you are taking her to the prom, you really ought to set up something beforehand, just to break the ice and make you guys friendlier. the pressure of promnight will be bad enough on her, you freaking out will not help the situation at all.

    and my advice, 12 years after high school? don't worry about making a fool out of yourself. if you can be confident with who you are (fake it if you have to...it'll happen eventually) and honest with yourself (contradiction?), you find that the people that insutled you in highschool are going to be non-issues three years later.

    i was always the nice guy geek in high school. I got razzed a bunch by the jocks and the emo kids........today i have a real life and they have jack shit.
     

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