SRS My life is not for the timid

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Lee, Aug 19, 2006.

  1. Lee

    Lee New Member

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    I guess I'll start from the beginning


    When I was 16 I feel in love with the first girl I had sex with (go figure). At the age of 18 we had a son. Eventually we got a place of our own and things were ok for awhile. At 19 we decided it was best to get married. Things slowly started to dissolve and we were fighting allot. We didn't do anything together, never went out, never even sat on the couch and watched a movie at night together. She worked first shift, I worked 2nd.

    Then came the lying. She eventually lost her job but never told anyone. She'd wake up in the morning and pretend to go to work. All the while lying to me why the paychecks were smaller and smaller. Eventually I was paying for everything on my own and it was getting very hard. She started steeling checks out of the back of the checkbook and bouncing them. She even went as far as to impersonate me on forms to get cash advance loans.

    Needless to say, eventually it became too much and we had to move in with her grandmother and file bankruptcy. Things dissolved even more from there and I started going out allot because I just couldn’t stay at someone else’s house living like that. Then... she ends up Prego again.

    While she was Prego I my own apartment and started living on my own. She moved in with another grandmother who had just gotten and new house and had room for her. I was there for the pregnancy though and birth and loved my kids to death, I just couldn’t be with there mother. I tried for awhile slowly doing things together but I was very uncomfortable around here.

    So during this time I met another woman and I couldn’t believe what I was feeling... I thought I had been in love before but wow... this was so different! I and my wife kept tossing around the idea of divorce but it always just lingered in the background while we led our separate lives. We fell into a groove where I had the kids certain days, she had the kids certain days... there has never been any court involvement.

    Eventually I and the other woman had a child; she turned 2 back in July. I hate to even say it but me and this little girl are the closest thing in the world. Mostly because I have her everyday and the other 2 I do not.

    I love this woman to death and she has stuck by my side and helped me in every way possible in hopes I would get the divorce soon so we could be a family.

    What always made me procrastinate the divorce were 3 things.

    1.) Being paycheck to paycheck and child support just killing me
    2.) Having the courts only give me my kids on weekends or something
    3.) My son who has had both parents before knowing its official he won’t again.

    It’s been 4 years since I moved out on my own and I’ve been battling with those things ever since.

    Now... let’s make this even worst k? Everyone sitting down?

    Back in June July I had a STUPID encounter with my wife, we ended up having sex. I just find out yesterday she’s pregnant. Now she’s swears she hasn’t been with anyone and yes I did make her take a test with me present.

    Now I'm not a bad guy, I rushed to add her to my insurance so she and the baby would be taken care of.

    I then told the woman I'm with, and while yes it was very hard, eventually she accepted and moved on to doing what she always does which is focusing on trying to make ME of all people, feel better.

    So now my dilemma.

    Is it wrong for me to stay with the woman I've been seeing so our daughter has both loving parents? Is it *more* right to go back to my wife so that 3 kids aren’t left without having both parents? Is there and right and wrong way to go here?

    I sit at tell myself you should stay with the woman you love so the kids all see your happy and then just focus on making things good for all of them.
    But then I sit and also think I should suck it up and be unhappy with my wife so the bulk of the kids grow up with both parents.

    Its time to quit this charade and settle down and now I need to grow up and make a choice and give these kids something more.
    But I can't get over what I'm supposed to do now... I can't figure out what is the right or wrong path? Is there a right one? Is there a more acceptable one?

    I just really wanted to get this off my chest and talk to people about this because I feel like I'm in a nightmare I can't wake up from right now.
     
  2. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Holy Doodle. How can you say you loved the new woman and yet you see the former have a romp and get her pregnant? Good Heavens.

    Seems to me you should be talking with your little head and you ought to come to some sort of agreement to say the least.

    Either way you go the children are going to suffer (as usual).

    The former was wrong in stealing, yadda, yadda....and you state that you did not want to be with her, yet you see her and have sex knowing full well that you have someone else in your life...

    Then you mea culpa...

    Nobody FORCED you to do the horizontal mambo...

    Yup, you do need to grow up and learn to be responsible for your actions and think before you do stuff.

    There is no right or wrong answer to your dilemma, either way your screwed. It basically comes down to heaps of child support, being a weekend Daddy to one set of children and guilt.

    Condoms are a whole lot cheaper than child support-remember that.
     
  3. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    The sort of test you need to be getting is a paternity test.
    Here is the thing.
    In some states there is a maximum amount of time a man can wait to challenge paternity. After that amount of time goes by YOU ARE THE FATHER AND GENETICS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH NOTHING.
    I know it doesn't sound fair - well it isn't.
    From the side of an outsider I think it sounds like she is trying to rope you back into a relationship with her.
    What if she was only pregnant by a few days or a couple weeks? At first she panics, then she says, 'Wait a minute.....'.

    PATERNITY TEST!
     
  4. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

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    wow, you're in a big mess here. At your age I don't think you have the mental or physical capacity to manage 2 families, not to mention financially. If I were you, I would get the government involved for help(that's what they are there for). Go on welfare, get food stamps, and have the courts decide what to do with the kids because there is no way that you can make a rational decision. If need be, and I remind you to think or your childrens future, put them up for adoption. I have a few friends who were adopted into loving and capable families and they grew up right. Neither seem to mind the fact that they don't know their biological parents because they always had great legal guardians there for them. Good luck bro, and yeah, learn some fucken responsiblity for your actions.
     
  5. Lee

    Lee New Member

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    Adaption is not something to consider. As far as being able to take care of the kids, thats no problems and we have tons of help with family alone.

    And yes it was one drunken stupid night when past emotions and times clouded my judgement.

    Financial situon when it comes to child support sucks yes. But my biggest problem is the moral aspect. Should I feel bad staying with the current woman and our child when my x now has 3 of mine??

    Just not sure what to do there, and I can't stand thinking about only have those kids on weekends.. I really need them more.
     
  6. 1bigstud

    1bigstud New Member

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    Man tough spot, next time definatley put a wrapper on ur zapper. I think it's important for children to be in a happy, stable situation. Living with ur ex may actually be worse for the kids (growing up seeing there parents miserable would probably have some negative impact on your children). As long as you stay involved and love all your children equally then it shouldnt matter wether ur under the same roof or not. I think you may run into problems with ur x's kids having resentment to ur daughter though.
     
  7. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    hold on a second-- you were drunk when you had sex with her?
    If youre drunk, legally, you cant consent to sex....so a good defense lawyer could argue that u arent elidgible for child support because you were raped.
     
  8. Isaac

    Isaac New Member

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    I could have sworn that you don't love the old one anymore. That should be all the answer you need.

    Now stop fucking every open hole that jumps in front of you, and for god's sake use a condom.
     
  9. OhFourTwoThree

    OhFourTwoThree New Member

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    If you don't love your ex anymore, it is best for you to move on with your life with the current woman. If you were to go back to your ex, you wouldn't be doing your kids a favor. They would be living in an unstable, unloving environment and they deserve better than that. Personally, I'd rather have my parents divorced than to have them be miserable together yet staying together for us kids. I don't blame you for feeling guilt but you can't do much about it. Just try to be there for your kids as much as you can but please don't go back to your ex out of guilt. You will end up being miserable and your kids will be miserable too.

    Child support is a pain in the ass but take this as a lesson...don't sleep with people you don't want a relationship with and use protection.
     
  10. Lee

    Lee New Member

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    I keep telling myself that if I was to go back with her I would be unhappy and that wouldn't be good for the kids. And that we don't have to be under the same roof. But on the other hand I keep thinking of all the things the kids will miss not having both parents under the same roof and it tears me up inside. I just always wanted them to have my childhood.
     
  11. OhFourTwoThree

    OhFourTwoThree New Member

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    I admire your desire for your kids to have a good childhood/upbringing but you have to be realistic. It takes more than being under the same roof to be good parents. Being under the same roof helps a lot but is catastrophic if there is no love, affection, communication between you and your ex.
     

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